a brief history...i did not discover this website until Nov... - D-day was the end of Sept...we did the plan A thing for 1 month...i thought we were doing ok...then i caught him in more lies-i was unaware of how difficult the "addiction" would be. At that point we were to go our own ways. (my decision). During many tearful conversations thereafter, he stated that he needed some time "to find himself" and it would never work w/OW - he had ended thier relationship (he said this b4 too) pls note: she is also married w/3 children. Through these talks he would tearfully state he loved me and how could he hurt someone he loved? He would phone every other day to see how i was etc...then in mid-Dec i found the book "Not Just Friends" which i found enlightening-i asked WS to meet at bookstore and he was receptive to purchasing that book and "After the Affair" as p/his fathers recommendation. after much more tears (after discussing other lies) i asked WS to call OW in my presence-he refused...i felt that he decided to pick her over me. i left. Xmas came and went NO phonecall from WS...pretty disappointed but i perservered i figured i would get no call until Jan - when we discuss legalities (our house is on the market and actually it sold today...much quicker than i anticipated-kinda sad) so NOW WS calls last week ON the day we met 14 years ago...sounding all sad! so now i am confused again. We then had another conversation and finally i made him make a decision - i ended the talk in this way..."during the seperation are you willing to work on yourself and our marriage? am i worthy of your love? is it possible?" OR "was the affair a means to a "dead end" marriage and you want out?"...he mumbled that it was the 2nd choice...he WANTS OUT!!! In the back of my mind i keep hoping he will see our marriage in a different way - but he cannot until he lets go of OW. i know we have grown apart these past years but i am so willing to try to work on our needs and supports why wont he give us a chance?-he seems like he still cares but i get the feeling he does not want to do the homework.? any suggestions and success stories after plan b went into full effect?

ginabean,

I am in the same situation. My XH is sending me the same mixed signals.

Your husband is in a fog. I am trying Plan B myself.

If you would like to talk you could email me at sweethomenm@yahoo.com

Dont rush into dvc because you are hurt. This is the reason why plan B is important.

Do plan B first...during plan B you learn to find yourself...do some thinking about what YOU want.

You need to get out of the picture so you can decided what is it that you really want. Do plan B because YOU need it and NOT a plan to get WH back into your arms.

Thankyou for your replies. - i keep telling myself that Plan B is about me...what i want - i deserve more respect etc.etc. but it always comes down to the whole "unfairness" of it all. all those books and articles make it seem that the likelihood for a stronger marriage is possible after the affair is discovered and forgiveness is possible w/work of course BUT i am angry because i am not even getting the chance-isnt 14 yrs worth it-i keep thinking the marriage was a "sham" built on so many lies-move on girlfriend...but as you all know it hurts. This "fog" stuff makes me want to scream "snap out of it" at him. I have good days and bad nites - i am coping ok - feeling not to bad about being alone and doin pretty good for myself but the nites are hard - too many conversations and events keep goin thru my head...obsessing. I hope now that the house is sold and WS must move away (away fr. OW) he may start to understand his actions and at least confront my hurt-say something because he really has not given me anything to go on. it is easier if i dont talk to him or his friends/family (which is a whole other topic) Does it get easier?