Okay, I will try and make the background short. After NC was established I blocked all the OM’s e-mail addy’s, his work and both his home accounts. I blocked them at home and my friend at my last job, who worked in the IT department, blocked them at work. That was at my husbands request at the time but I also wanted them blocked just so it would be harder for me to contact him.

I have now switched jobs and I started my new job last week. The temptation to contact the OM has now surfaced and it’s strong. I talked to my hubby last night about it and he said that he wasn’t going to ask me to block the addy’s again but he suggested that I do in order to resist temptation. I agreed, I don’t want to get into that mess again, though my heart is telling me different. At least I know this time it’s just an illusion, at least my mind is winning over my heart!

So what do I say to my manager about blocking the addresses? I don’t want to give them an impression that there will be any trouble, because there won’t be. OM doesn’t even know I switched jobs. I just want to do this as a safety precaution. Any advice as to what I can say without having to reveal any details?

Also, it upsets me that I have to do this. I realize that I am doing the right thing, protecting my marriage (from myself!) but I am disappointed that I have to do this. I thought I would be strong enough or maybe recovered enough? I don’t know. Do you see anything that I am possibly missing?

Chack

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: chackler ]</small>

chack:

How 'bout just saying "Could you please block the following email address for me?" and leave it at that? I don't see any need for an explanation, but if they ask you might answer with something like "I've had problems with that individual in the past, and I want 2 avoid them now."

-ol' 2long

Oh, and I'm driving the BIG van 2day, which squashes organic life-forms flatter than my VW does. Just FYI <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

Could you make it look like an accident? I wouldn't want you to get in trouble!

Hi chackler,

If your H decides he really wants you to block the address at your new job, or you really feel a strong need to do it, then I guess you could ask your manager to have it done “for personal reasons.” Maybe he/she won’t pry. If anyone did keep trying to get details out of you, you could just smile and say, “There’s nothing to be alarmed about. It’s just for personal reasons, thank you.”

However, there will always be temptations, no matter where you work. There are always ways to contact someone if you really want to. I know it isn’t easy (I’m an FWS, and I don’t mean any of this in a harsh way), but what has to change is you. You have to be in control of you.

I know sometimes it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotten past temptations before and didn’t contact OM, right? You can do it again, and again, and as many times as you have to until the feelings fade. The longer you’re in NC, the more the feelings based on illusion will fade, and the more reality will settle in.

Do you control your thoughts or do your thoughts control you? When you think about OM, change your thoughts. Try not to beat yourself up too much, but keep working on being disciplined, and keep reminding yourself WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOSE IF YOU CONTACT OM!!!!!

God bless,

Rose

Hi Rose,

You know, you are right - there were ways of contacting him and I didn't. In fact, I switched locations at my previous job and that put me within 10 minutes of his work and yet, I resisted. I never think about that stuff, what I have accomplished and I should.

My thoughts are another thing. I try and stop them as soon as they appear but there are times when they sneak up on me and then I am fogged somewhat. I am learning though that they do subside and I do see the OM for the "rat meat" (2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) that he is. I just haven't had to deal with this for a while so it's kind of shocking.

My hubby is so cool, he let me talk about it last night and he held me and told me that we are both going through this. I'm so much better today which is great. Didn't want to contact OM at all, the first time since I started this job.

Still thinking of blocking the addy's, just in case. I think I will take 2longs approach and not say anything more than I have to.

chack:

"Could you make it look like an accident?"

You should see the way I drive! No problemo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

Go for it!

And remind me to keep of the 210 during rush hour, I don't want to run into you.