I have been up for a couple of hours reading and reading posts here. It sure helps me alot.

ForeverHers said - you can not control anyone else. You can only control yourself. Of course, I know that this is true. But to see it in print there, early this morning, not much sleep, obsessing and worrying, you know the whole deal here. It hit me, not like a ton of bricks, but just the opposite. I felt a calm come over me.

Ever since my H left to go on the road for long periods of time, I have not liked it at all. Something has changed here, besides his assumed A - I have lost control of him. He is not here for me to push around and blah, blah blah.

So, I have been fighting this for the last month or so. All these new changes. His new attitude and my feelings of despair, something is terribly wrong here and for sure, different than before. I do like my alone time. That is not the problem here. Presumming that an A is going on, only cell phone records will convince me either way and I am not ready to discover - that is the worst thing possible. But, but, but, I can free myself of alot of grief if I just let go of all this control crap. I can not control what he does. I can only try to presuade him into doing the right thing, but I have to let go of this control.

Now I have totally confused myself. What is the difference in a control hand and making him see what he should be doing. And, he knows what he should be doing.... Oh great, I've gotten no where !!

Anyway, I am going to stick with that calm feeling that I can not control him. I can only control myself. Yikes, is this confusing, or what ????

I still need alot of help here please.

Car

LOL Carny!

Don't worry you'll get there. You are already seeing it as a problem, and that is the beginning.

For me when I feel the need to control, I pray, put it Gods hands, say "whew" then let go!

And it feels GOOOOOOOOD!

Hey there. Yikes! This is what I struggle with daily. Given my personality type which is a take-charge, do what needs to be done and move on type of person, I REALLY struggle with this.

I HATE not being in control. Sometimes out of fear, I know. Yet most of the time because I know I am the best person for the job. e.g. working on this R is something I can plan, have a goal, etc. THe thing of course that makes me so nuts is that mentally I KNOW I can't control WH. UH DUH! But, darnitall, I KNOW that trying is better than running away and giving up. So I am in a dilemma. I am trying to loosen the grips. Yet every time I have done that so far, the resulting damage is like a tidal wave because WH's actions destroys everything in sight. Including, but not the most important, more of my LB units. It is the damage to DD that freaks me out.

So, how do I not control the sitch yet keep DD safe as much as is possible? I REALLY want to know.