I'm wondering on this, because my mind works overtime on how to F her world up as bad as she F-ed mine up. I won't go into all the gory details, but I have plans that could get her fired, make her life a living hell, etc etc. I just wondered if doing things of that nature is considered LBing? (I haven't done much to her.....yet)

-Caren

***P.S.: I fully plan on her Deconstruction after my H and I reconcile.

-Caren

Why would you want to do this, Caren? Why are you giving her the benefit of all your energy? You are flattering her more than your h ever could.

Are you in IC? I'm sorry if I sound mean or harsh but I really think you need it. Focusing on her is keeping YOU from moving forward. If you don't do something about this it will consume you and destroy you. Do you really want to give her that satisfaction?!?!

Stuff it Caren.

We all understand the desire and we all likely fantasize exactly as you are doing, but other than exposing the affair, going after the OP is not productive to ending the affair.

The OM's wife in my situation did all she could to make the infidels' life miserable and "destroy" my WS. She's been at it for almost five years now. End result: She became their justification for their decisions, their outlet for their struggles, and very, very likely has been the single most important reason they are still together.

On the other hand, if you don't care about reconciling with your spouse, let your conscience be your guide. Just don't commit any crimes.

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 08:44 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Hi Caren,

I understand how you are feeling but the OP is so not worth your time.Believe me,I think I am probably(guessing) the one person that had the worst MAJOR difficulty with getting over my desire to really hurt the homewrecker in my case.Yes I was upset with my WH too but I loved him and we had a life and children together.

But SHE was the one encouraging my WH to leave me,would not stop talking to him,dropping her pants whenever he came into town,had her parents encouraging and supporting the adultery so the homewrecker would have a new boyfriend and even went so far as to encourage my WH that it was all meant to be because of a crack pot "Psyhcic family friend" telling them that their daughter would meet a man with two small children who was married and that he was meant for her.Junk like that.

I came here psoting for help too because I was really on the verge of implementing the homewrecker's downfall and people did talk me down.Not anything serious mind you,I knew that I didn't want to go to jail and risk not seeing my children again.But I am a very patient person.And a planner.This woman was not going to know what hit her until it was too late.It's still a struggle sometimes but it's more of just a "passing fancy" now.I have more important things to think about.

The OW will have to answer to God and I look at it this way now,what the homewrecker is ending up with is not something I think she will be happy about in due time.It's more about me and what I want now versus what I am willing to put up with and the HW is not winning by any means.

She now gets a very poor,every other weekend "relationship" with a man who works 10+ hour plus days and a relationship born out of pain and suffering of other's; she gets to wonder now if HE will cheat on her at some point(he first had an EA many years ago) and she will never be welcomed into the family,ever.My In-Laws and SIL's family can't stand her and what she stands for and she will never be a part of his life in that way.And,he had a vasectomy so children will be a contentious issue for sure.All this stuff,will take a toll on them if it hasn't already.

The best "revenge" is a life well lived so focus on that and continue to be the better person by living well and right.In God's eyes and your family this is the best route to go.And for yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 08:45 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong>...and even went so far as to encourage my WH that it was all meant to be because of a crack pot "Psyhcic family friend" telling them that their daughter would meet a man with two small children who was married and that he was meant for her.Junk like that.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL!! That has to be one of the best lines I have ever heard.

"Dionne Warwick said we were meant to be..maybe it was Miss Cleo...or it could have been John Edwards channeling my dead dog, or maybe it was one of the voices in my head, I forget who it was."

IMHO......and sorry....I don't know your story.

What you do unto the OP....should also be done to the WS.

They are BOTH at fault here....not just the OP.

What you think about the OP should.....but most generally does not with BS's.....reflect on your WS also.

Also.....anything to do with the OP.....really.....you should make it none of your business....it's really not worth the energy you use to think about them.

AND.......IF once you and your H are in Recovery.....why would you take the time out for the OP....even to make their life miserable? Wouldn't focusing on your marriage and recovery be the most important thing to do?

I think it's a HUGE waste of time and energy.

Caren...I truly know how you feel as most all of us here do.
I too wanted to do whatever I could to ruin the OW. I decided against it because I would just be sinking to her level. I am a better person and everyone will see that. Just be a good person and trust me.....you don't have to do anything to ruin her life...she has already done that all by herself. She ruined a marriage, a fmaily ......she has to live with that everyday. Like I always say.....what goes around comes around.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> I'm wondering on this, because my mind works overtime on how to F her world up as bad as she F-ed mine up. I won't go into all the gory details, but I have plans that could get her fired, make her life a living hell, etc etc. I just wondered if doing things of that nature is considered LBing? (I haven't done much to her.....yet)

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We all have thoughts of revenge towards the OP, this is a logical response to being intentionally hurt by another. I sometimes wish this was the 1950's, when I could put the OM in the hurt locker and get a pat on the back by the community and authorities, but today's society does not condone acts of retaliation, even ones that cause no physical harm. You could easily be charged with harrassment, if your actions were shown to be consistent. This hurts you and, I believe, decreases your chances of recovery/reconciliation.

Put these ideas on the backburner and just pray for a chance meeting in a dark alley. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One other thing, Caren - you NEVER have to like the OP - or your WS for that matter. When you become indifferent towards either one, you know you've achieved peace.

And Prissy is right - your WS is in the same game.

That said, I claim to have the pond scummiest OP ever described on this forum. He is the worst example of a person I have ever known. Does he deserve to get justice? For sure. Should I be the one dishing it out? Nope. If he gets run over by a truck today, I'll conclude it couldn't happen to a more deserving guy. But given the chance to save his life, I might choose inaction instead.

Wow, thanks for the vent.

My point > come here to vent these thoughts and we'll certainly validate your emotions and try to get your feet back on the ground.

WAT

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 09:20 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

One other thing Caren, to add to what was said above.

If you are a Christian, you are actually called to forgive the OW...not to retaliate. God says that if you dont forgive her, then He will not forgive you!

Hard stuff. And I know I have not fully done this with my wife's OM. But, I am working on it. But I do know that retaliation against him, while immediately satisfying, will not give me what I desire. And will actually hinder my life and me being happy.

Forgiveness isnt for that OW...it is for you. She could care less about you. If you harbor anger and resentment, she doesnt care. But it is you that will continue to be bitter. So, you must move to the point where you just drop it.

Dont let her win. She is nothing. Dont let her come between you and God. Let Him deal with her. Believe me, He will...and the hurting He will put on her will be more than you could ever possibly inflict on her. The Lord says that He will repay the OW for what she has done. Count on that. And move on with your life.

In His arms.

Precisely why I post here....so I don't do the things that run through my mind, that was my question, would that be counterproductive to me and my cause, and I see that the answer is a resounding yes. I won't do it, but I could seriously ruin her, I'll leave the ruining to them I guess..........

Trying to be the better person,

Caren

P.S. Mortar - I know I am supposed to forgive her, and I will try very hard, but it's hard to forgive someone who's injuring you daily, but it will be my goal to do that.

Good for you Caren.Keep posting and venting here to get things off your chest.Also,if it's any consolation,I am nowhere near forgiving the homewrecker in my siuation either.Heck,I can't even call her an OW,homewrecker is still THE name I feel the need to use,especially since I am not going to have any Marital recovery.OW just doesn't describe what I feel about this person.But,I am working on it too.

It's more important to me for God to be proud of my actions and what's in my heart than to hold a grudge.One day at a time though,as they say...

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong>Also,if it's any consolation,I am nowhere near forgiving the homewrecker in my siuation either.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm with you on that score, O. I "forgave" my XW in "public" on this forum a couple of years ago - but I've since recinded that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> If you forgive somebody in a forest and they're not there to hear it, does it really happen? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I determine who I forgive or not and when and it'll be on my terms. But it's up to them to seek forgiveness - which I never expect to see.

WAT

I know that I am not a forgiving person. This is something I know I need to work on but I'm no where near that yet. It may take me my entire life to forgive my WH and OW. This will be the hardest thing for me to do!

Ok, here is my take on this. I have incredible hatred for OW also. My name for her is nowhere near as nice as homewrecker. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

However, doing anything to her will only increase the hold she has over my H. It will draw them closer together.

In my opinion, continued exposure is the most harmful thing we can do to them (the OWs).That is not considered a Love Buster at all. By continuing to expose (destroying their secret world) we are harming them both. In my case, it will harm her far more than it will harm my H.

Document all proof of the A and continue to do so. Make sure it is legal evidence. Check with a lawyer. If my situation ever goes to D, I will have ample evidence of theft of marital assets, immoral behavior, loss of affection, etc. to not only win the D and the settlement, but for my lawyer to sue HER(as well as him) for theft of marital assets, alienation of affection, and who knows what else. If this goes to D, they both will be hit with multiple lawsuits at once. If she and her H end up in divorce also, there is probably enough evidence to cause her to lose custody of her children. That's better than ordinary revenge, in my opinion.

However, I am desperately working to save my marriage. Because I would much rather have my H back out of the fog than to hurt her. Much more satisfying to me than any revenge could ever be. Plus, if he dumps her and comes back to me, isn't the best revenge we could ever have?

WAT,LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yo O - just thought of this:

What's the opposite of "forgive"?

Forget!

WAT

Caren its probably an LB to tell your H about your plans !

My own plans for OM involving a baseball bat or a cricket bat have gotten me into trouble on here in the past, also Kimmy ( de-alan de) who wants to hang OW up by her straggly long hair and beat her like a pinata!

But in truth now I realise he is a low life scumbag but he couldn't give a shiny sh1t about me. He didn;t do his affairing at ME it was all about HIM. Not even Squid really. His needs HIs likes.

Sometimes I want to hurt him SO MUCH I almost gagg on it, but he has a vulnerable partner and a young son whom I would be hurting directly.

I have prayed for his downfall, but I do not plot it now.

Besides which in my OMs case his life is so unbelievably crap right now, he might consider merciful anyone who ruptured his spleen with a pickaxe handle so he haemorrhaged to death.

now then...you DO NOT have to forgive anyone who doesn;t ask to be forgiven. But that doesn't mean you can't let your hatred go. It hurts YOU to hate a person that much, that righteously for long.

Here's how I started to deal with it.

i have a special tool tucked away in my garage. i will never use it for any purpose than OM vengeance. That is its only purpose on earth.

If he ever contacts Squid again or threatens my family in any way I will use it.

I have given myself permission to hurt him if he threatens me or mine again.

Knowing I have the tool set aside for revenge allows me to release my hatred somewhat.

But in truth you can tell its far from gone in my case.

You have to let your hatred go as it hurts YOU not HER even though you are righteous.

WAT...I like forget better than forgive. LOL!!!!