Yeah, I admitt an odd combination. But, I finally put my finger on it this morning at 4am while I was working out.

Everytime I exercise, or do any strenuous work, BANG!!! The triggers start in like machine guns.
Sort of drop me to my knees. Little critters running round inside my head.

At first I thought it was the gym. That the seedy meet-market types were bothering me, then I blamed too much time on my hands to be able to go out for a run (my mind wanders quickly). Now the past 4 times I worked out alone, at home, on the new home gym. BANG!
The stuff hits hard as soon as my heart rate elevates.

Now, I tried prozac. Which if I remember is seritonin (spelling?) enhancer or something like that...that is same thing you get from exercise, and eating "feel good" carbohydrates.
That is why they say depressed people should eat right and get some exercise.

Well the prozac made things worse for me. I thought it was the situation. My mind was still obsessing, but I felt a bit zombie like. I quit dreaming (and that bothered me too).

So now as of this morning I'm pretty sure that exercise really does mess up my head chemically.

I'm not planning on playing any further russian roulette drug games. Trying to find the best fit.

Anyway....I was curious if anyone else has ever felt this, heard of it, or gone through it.

What do you mean by Bam, then it happens?
What kind of feelings are you getting? What is going thru your head?

Usually when I start working out I am often down and in a funk, then at about mile 1 I start feeling pretty good about myself.

what happens:
oh the unstoppable show of wife and OM's sex show!
The helplessness, the loss of self-esteem, the pain, the hurt, lack of trust....

I think panic attack would cover it! You BAM!!!!

It hits like a ton of bricks.

I used to be able to go out and run 6-10 miles. I can't hardly make past 2 or 3. My hearts is racing, head is totally lost it.
It is the same if I'm doing any sort of weight training.

As much as the whole thing hurts....it's sort of interesting....HAHA...sort of like the Far Side cartoon with the doctors laughing at the operating table.... "watch his leg move when I poke his brain here!!!"
But in my case...it's watch my panic attack when I work out.
I'm sure OM is laughing!

DD....Wow, I'm sorry you have such a strong reaction like that. I have suffered panic attacks for years in the past. None associated with the A except initally, and I am on meds now.

I know this sounds odd, but maybe getting your heart rate via exercise triggers the same response that SF would, and then you naturally get these mental visions.

Maybe another med might help. Lots of people give up after the first one. I still have dreams, and when my thoughts shift to the A, they aren't as strong.

It's a tough call because exercise is one of the best things for us, but theres not much to do when your running or pushing iron except think. Do you try the mental exercise of just saying "STOP!!", sometimes multiple times to shift your thought? Sounds too simplistic I know.
Sorry I can't offer more.

The "stop" thing is only just starting to work for me.
Then it's only just mild control, or more often, it's just prolonging the inevitable.

Which in some cases is worse. Cause then it's everything all at once.

I don't know if I buy the SF thing. I know what you are saying. But, it's not just wife and OM SF that pops into my head, it's anything.

It's just odd, I think, that with amazing regularity, it happens each time I work out.
The only real problem, mentally with that, if I chemically get back in balance, I'll wonder if it's real or psyco-sematic, or chemical related.

*cue twilight zome music* .....

DD,--

i don't know about the triggers, but we have a nice home gym set-up, and i used to lift weights4-6 times a week, religously, but now i can't seem to even make myself look at the weights.

i guess somehow, it must trigger something.

anyway, it's good to hear from you, keep your chin up.

arjdad

DD at this point in time I wouldn't worry what is getting you back on track. If it happens to be meds, they are only temporary to get you through the worst of things. If it is a combination of your own fortitude and meds, then you will know that when you slowly go off them.

As long as it is not destructive like alcohol, or promiscuous behavior then I say it is worth a try.

Prolonging the inevitable? Do you mean facing the ugly truth of betrayal? It happened and you can't go back although I wish that all the time.
Have you done that yet? Sit down and cry and scream and rant and rave? Have you had a heart to heart with someone who really cares about you?
Anyone given you a hug? IF not (((( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ))))

You are not alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Excercise triggers me too. I think it could possibly have to do with the adrenaline release. Usually that would make you feel better ..unless you are like me..and it *loosens* up your thought process. If I have writers block..I excercise. If I need to think something through..chances are good that I am at least pacing..and walking fast is better. I have always been this way..it just sort of works against me when there are thoughts that I am actively working to block.

I think that time..and the diminishment of the urgency if not the pain of the triggers and mental movies is the only real answer. Until then..I try to use it since it is there. Maybe some aggressive sports or active fighting would help. Does your local gym have boxing or something that would do job? I have been using kickboxing because it is available at my gym.

Noodle

DD,

When you excersize your mind is not occupied with it's usual brain duties, so you become reflective and your mind relaxes and wanders.

Unfortunately, it wanders to the gaping wound in your chest where your heart has been ripped out, like your tongue drifting to the hole in your tooth after you lose a filling.

It wanders to the xxx movies, negative images, and nasty scenarios we BS's all retain. It is called obsessing. It is natural but not a positive thing to keep doing.

I would trigger and obsess while in my lawn mowing trance. I would jog and tears would fill my eyes to where I couldn't see the path.

Your registered date is October so I assume your Dday happened just before that. The A and the shock, etc are still fresh in you. These images will start to fade. They will still be there only not as sharp and clear. And not as powerful.

I'm sure OM is laughing! Dude, whasupwidat?!?

This bothers me that you need to write this. Who gives a flying firetruck what that scumbag thinks. He is irrelevant and a non-entity.

Try lexipro, helps me fine.

Stay strong,

k

OK
Exercise has been a WONDERFUL release to me and I can;t wait to restart when work and travel allows.

No triggers.

BUT.....I do pull that extra heavy rep imaging OMs neck on the iron. Its very satisfying.

I really do. I buffed up something CRUEL doing that four times a week !

I have to get back down the gym, I enjoy it, but time has been short.