Ok....what is wrong with me today??????? I have been so depressed these last few days. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with coming home after the holidays and there is on one here. I have no family here and I miss them all so much. I just can't seem to quit crying!!!!!

((((TreeReich)))) I know those aren't as good as an actual hug, just wanted to let you know I care. I understand how you feel....I'm so depressed I can't even see straight.

Hope you feel better hon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Don't know what to say other than I feel for you. Here's hoping that once you hit bottom you bounce alllll the way to the top.

Hang in there and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that's a fact!

Tree you feel depressed because you are a pretty, loving, indulgent wife and mother who had all that contribution thrown in her face by a selfish, wayward, self-justifying ******* of a husband and despite your MASSIVE resilience and self-recreation the sheer injustice of your situation becomes aparrent to you and it makes you cry because it is sad.

Its sad that you are in a place you don't want to be or deserve, its sad that your WH had so much from you without question over the years that he took it for granted and its TRAGIC that your little son is having to be brave and strong so soon in his young life because of the selfishness of his reekingly immoral father.

You DESERVE To be sad Trish, and if you to want BE sad.Just know that we on here have seen that your strength has built up noticeably when you stop crying and start CHANGING: yourself, your life, your attitude. You have done this wonderfully.

Cry away darlin' I cry for you and with you.

When you stop ,get more strong and show that tosser what he's thrown away.

I KNOW that somewhere there is a nice decent guy, getting on with his life right now who hasn't found Ms. right who doesn't know it yet but he will fall head over heels in love with you and your son, and he will value and cherish you, and you will use your new found EN skills on him making a very successful and loving threesome. And maybe more.

He's there if you want him. He's there.And then your H will only have his self loathing and jealousy to feed off in his dark, crying, self pitying place for the rest of his life.

Thats a real possible timeline for you Trish, and you know it.

Stay strong. Cry if you must but return to strength when you can, kay ?

{{{{trish}}}}

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Trish:

I've been reading your posts intently for a few weeks now. Not sure why and don't think I've responded with anything of substance - just something has drawn me to your sitch. Now you're going through a low and I'm sorry for that. Just remember that if not for the lows; we couldn't appreciate the highs and tomorrow will be better. We go through these rough-times and sometimes it all seems so pointless; relationships, commitment, emotions, dealing, staying "up" for our kids, crying in the dark and so on. You know, I know and most on here know what I mean. Bottom line; you're a person who loves and that's good enough. If you didn't love, you'd be an empty soul. You also have faith. Many don't! With faith, you have destiny. With destiny, you will win! Take care.

FR

Oh by the way: There are some decent guys in FL!!!

Mr. E.....You are so right....It is great to be alive! I need to keep telling myself that!

carenMc....Hugs to you too!

Bob and Fishracer.......thank you so much for making me feel better. I do truly hope there is a decent guy out there for me. I do deserve a good man and to be happy!
My WH will regret losing me and his own son. It's unfortunate that people don't see things until it's too late. He has a hard lesson to learn.
I will hold my head up high and try to stay stong....thank you!!!!

Good for you TreeReich....that's the way to feel about it!! And I'm positive there is someone out there who's been waiting his whole life to love you.

-Caren

CarenMc...now you're gonna make me cry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Where is this Mr. Wonderful??? Does he really exist?

TreeReich

I'm sure he exists, he just hasn't found you yet...but he will.

-Caren

Trish, I'm a bloke and I know. You're a catch darl'. You'll be fighting 'em off with a stick.

We all love you on here and you have a special place in my heart 'cos our hearts broke on the same day.

You are a strong, beautiful woman, caring and ferocious in defense of your son and your morals. I cannot think of any better attributes to eventually win you the man you deserve. Truly.

Any more I'd get moderated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ill have to agree
you wont have any problem in the man dept.
i wish my ww had 1/2 your qualities

Ok now Bob is going to make me cry! Yes, you are right, we did have our hearts broken on the same day. You have always been there for me and I will always be grateful to you for that! You always know just what to say to me to make me feel better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I hope one day I'm on here telling all of you about the wonderful man that I have found! Heck...I'll be screaming from the roof tops. LOL!
My WH might be creaming too but out of pain! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dlason...ok now you're going to make me cry too! Wow...I'm feeling better already! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
It's a shame that there aren't more men out there that admire such qualities in a woman!

yeah Trish, I'ma real catch. My wife must really consider herself lucky and would never have an affar with an unemployed, pety criminal pensioner would she ?....

We cannot define ourselves by our spouses bad decisions hon'.

You are SWEET and thats all there is too it.

Cry when you need, but be a TIGRESS for your boy and your standards.

I don't ******** often on here, and I really think you and your son will be fine without your crazy husband and his certifiable family.
I care. no more to say.

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Thanks Bob! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi, Tree.

Sorry this has all happened to you. I don’t remember if I’ve ever posted to you before, but just wanted to throw out an idea. I know you’re lonely and most people want a mate; it’s only natural. I’m a FWW (I hope you don’t mind me writing to you), and my H and I are still working on our M, but I’ve been thinking, and it seems to me that all of us (male or female) need to learn to be happy with ourselves, by ourselves, and be whole, healthy persons on our own, and THEN we can have much better R’s with other people.

I don’t mean that we all should live alone to become whole, I just mean that whatever situation we’re in, we need to learn to love ourselves and know what our personal strengths are, and what we bring into an R to balance an R, not be looking for a mate to complete us or fill all our needs.

I’m with the other posters, of course, in that I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding someone, but, woman-to-woman, I just wanted to encourage you that you don’t necessarily have to have a man in your life to be happy.

That might sound easy for me to say, since I’m still with my H, but the truth is, I really believe my H and I won’t be completely happy together until I am happier with myself. Does this make sense?

You seem like a really sweet person who is getting stronger and stronger. Hang in there.

God bless,

Rose

Rose,
Thank you for your input. Of course I don't mind you writing to me. I totally agree with what you are saying and I am definitely not looking for someone right now...just thinking of the future. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am very lonely but have found things to do to keep me busy. I have lots of friends who want to set me up but they know I'm not ready until after my divorce and well after that even.

What made you stay and work on your marriage? What was the turning point for you? Hope you don't mind me asking these questions.

All of a sudden now my WH wants to help me keep our home and seems so nice....what's the deal with that? I guess finding out I have a lwayer might have made him change his tune.

Tree –

“What made you stay and work on your marriage? What was the turning point for you? Hope you don't mind me asking these questions.”

I don’t mind you asking me any questions. My A began as an EA on line with an old BF. It all seemed so “romantic” until I flew out to be with him. I had turned my back on everyone I love, and everything I believe in, to be with him.

Then once we were together, I realized it was the biggest mistake I had ever made. The reality of the guilt, shame, and disappointment hit me head-on as soon as my A turned physical. I immediately regretted it. FOM and I agreed that we shouldn’t be together physically again.

I flew home and confessed to my H. All h*ll broke loose, of course. I thought we would D, and was prepared to leave, but my H asked me to stay. Recovery has been difficult, at best. We’ve had secular and religious IC and MC, and very many, very bad days, with a few “great” times scattered in here and there.

I don’t think anyone could have been more shocked than I was by what I had done. It really went against my personality and religious beliefs. About a year after d-day, I quit trying to figure out everything that had led me to the horrible state I was in when I flew out to be with FOM, and I began just to concentrate on what EN’s my H and I needed to begin filling for each other now.

It was still hard for me to break the emotional addiction to FOM and to establish NC, but once I finally did, I’ve been feeling better and better. H and I are 2 ½ years past d-day. My H says he loves me and that there isn’t anything I’m doing or saying wrong, but that he still feels like giving up and leaving me at least once a day.

What I understand from what my H says, he is having trouble getting past the hurt and just doesn’t know if he can do it or not. We recently talked briefly about separation to see if that would make him feel better. He wonders if not being with me would help him heal. I am his worst trigger, understandably - BUT – we haven’t given up yet. Meanwhile, I’m just concentrating on being the best me I can be - the best wife, mother, sister, friend, Christian, etc, that I can be. One day at a time!

Sorry if that was more info than you wanted!

“All of a sudden now my WH wants to help me keep our home and seems so nice....what's the deal with that? I guess finding out I have a lwayer might have made him change his tune.”

I think your WH is feeling extremely guilty about his behavior. Somewhere in his foggy head, he must realize that what he has done is very wrong. He’s obviously confused, and maybe also nervous about what your legal rights are. I’m very glad you have a lawyer! I think you are proving to him that you are WAY smarter than he was counting on!

God bless,

Rose

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ok....what is wrong with me today??????? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Simple question...simple answer...I'm not sure why noone else has picked up on this...

you've been talking to WH.

Any more questions ?

Watch the pattern...I've watched you carefully..when he emails you, or speaks to you..and you RESPOND...it takes you back 2 paces.

But you're strong, beautiful, and good natured...you can't be faulted for any of it.

Now stay away from him and his toxins....HE doesn't get to make YOU ...feel bad any longer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good advice Jersey