Tree - Might be time to post on the Idiotville thread. Lots of support there - it is all stupid stuff - that is why we like it.

Rose...thanks for answering those questions. Being the BS I can say I understand your H feelings. It is a horrible, lonely, gut-wrenching feeling! As long as you continue to show him that you love him and will be there I think you will be just fine. I wish you the best!!!

betrayedinjersey...You are so RIGHT!!!!!! I was thinking about that before I read your post. I was doing just fine until I talked to him. I'm actually doing better though...I had to talk to him today because now he is trying to refinance the house so I can stay here. I dealt with him in a civil manner and told myself that there is no reason to waste anymore energy on him. I have accepted that I am getting divorced. I think now I just fear being alone and not having someone special in my life....worrying about finances....about where my son will go to school next year..on and on. I am a strong woman and I know I can do all of this but sometimes a little self doubt creeps in. The way I look at it is I've been doing all of this on my own now for 6 months so....Hey...I'm doing it...and doing it alone.!!! I am proud of that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

believer...I'll have to check out IDIOTVILLE. Hey...I think my WH is from there! Hehehehehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"You've been talking to your STBXH".
Ditto on that . I was thinking the same thing as BIJ as soon as I saw your thread Tree. Dont talk to him anymore. You have been doing so much better without him trying to make you feel bad when you shouldn't. By the way, whats with the mods on this thread if its okay for me to ask?
Also its still snowing here in Chicago. Dont you want to make me jealous bragging about your 80 degree weather? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 01:37 AM: Message edited by: shelly_3 ]</small>

Mods??

the messages that say edited by justuss and stuff at the bottom of BP's replies to you, i was wondering what he said.

Hi Tree, I don't believe I have posted to you before, and if I did, I apologize for not remembering...just a blonde moment really.

I remember reading your posts early on and now the most recent and you are doing wonderfully. You are a strong woman with so much to offer and have been an incredible inspiration to all who have been following your story.

We BS's sure have a great deal to overcome as a result of these acts of selfishiness and I can both sympathize and empathize with your feelings. I struggled (and still do at times when I'm a bit down) with the feelings of inadequacy, as well as fretting over whether anyone will find me attractive, want a woman with two children, etc. More importantly, I stressed and spent a considerable amount of time worrying if I was every going to recover.

My first bit of advice is take the advice...stop talking to your WH. Even if it is civil pain is still attached...it is hard to explain, but it is a silent killer.

Secondly, in order to recover from this entire debacle, which I refer to all extramarital affairs, is personal recovery. That, I believe, is the key to fully recovering from an affair and moving forward. It is your self-esteem that needs to be completely reinforced and put into use, before you can be unleashed to deal with your WS.

And finally....don't stress over the little things. Count your blessings. The other things are just so insignificant.....you will recognize this in time, but time is the BS very best friend....

Six months and you are doing awesome...keep up the good work.

kimmie p.

I'm guessing that Bob was edited for language, rather than content, but that's just a guess.

Oh, and speaking of content and editing, TR, this is what you said:

My WH might be creaming too but out of pain!

Ahem. *giggle* Ahem. *giggle*

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>

karena. Thank you. I do feel that I have come a long way. I am a very fun loving, happy person so I am doing my best not to let this whole experience change who I am. I do know that there is someone special out there for me and one day when the time is right I will meet him.(not ready for that now)
I do feel that I am a strong person and will overcome this.
It's funny how I went from wanting my WH back so badly I thought I would just die..to...knowing I can make it without him and will be much happier. I will survive this!!!!
I do thank all of your for your advice and kind words!

shelly...I wonder what was edited that Bob said? Hmmmmmmm...Oh Bob....what did you say??? LOL!

Tree, hugs from me to you too! Your H is one of the most fogged-up WSs I've seen on here. His holy, self-rightious(sp?) lingo would drive anyone crazy. You obviously won't have any trouble meeting a man one day. The men here love you honey. I was getting all choked up reading their posts to you. Remember, you have style, class, integrity, and on and on and on. Your loser H will be stuck with the loser OW. You meanwhile will attract a man of equal quality. That's lingo your H should understand with all his warped spiritual mumbo jumbo. Sorry, I'm remembering that e-mail you posted of his.

Hang in there. We're here for you. CV

Guess i wont find out why unless BP clues us in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JustJ...Oops....guess I should have checked my spelling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

CV55....My WH is so full of himself and thinks that he's on some higher spiritual plane than I am. He even told me that the OW had to catch up to him. WHAT??????? He's totally fogged out!
Thanks for the kind word. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did Bob P really get edited by the mods on this thread? I can't believe it!

Yea..he did. We're all waiting for Bob to fill us in. LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tree, your H should write a book about the pathway to spiritual enlightenment. Maybe the title could be, "How to Reach Nirvana Through Lying, Cheating, and Betrayal." That man is going to get a rude awakening on the spiritual plane one day. I do believe in Karma, and eventually what goes around comes around.

Right after d-day H, in his fogged out state, told me he felt like a better person when he was with OW. My response, "Oh really! I see! Lying, cheating, betraying the very people who you love and love you is being a better person." Thank God he sees what a bunch of crap that was. Anyway, I notice you got another e-mail from foggy guru. Can't wait to read it.

Concerning Bob's edited post. A few weeks ago I wrote out the word BI*** in a fit of anger. Didn't even realize I did. Later I noticed the word was edited. Maybe that is what happened with Bob. CV

CV...
My WH said the SAME thing to me....he's happier with OW. He actually told me that she has "more to offer." She makes more money than me. In the end that means nothing but he doesn't see that. He will though..in time...and it will be way to late. It's too late now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Great idea about the book. LOL! Maybe I should suggest that to him. Heeeheeheee

Oh God, the patterns that emerge in these affairs. My WH is with a woman who also makes more than me. He told me when all the crap blew up that I had no ambition!! So he is attracted to a woman who has her own business (nice) but is also a liar, stalker, phonepest blah blah. He forgot there wasn't room in our marriage for two ambitious people. If that's what he likes he's welcome to it. He will be so suffocated. TT

Tummy, if the WS has any desire for a spiritual life, eventually he/she has to face the fact that the deceipt of an A does not further a person along that path. One of the letters, or maybe more, that OW wrote to H talked about what a good person he is. In his fog I also pointed out the irony of those words. Told him point blank that in all our years together I've never seen him function on a lower level.

Also, the things they don't notice about the OW, eventually does become clear. My H's OW could not be separated from her cell phone. He said she was constantly on it. The exact opposite of me. H hates that, and now realizes it annoyed him. Once out of his fog he also acknowledged that she always had to be connected with him. She would call, e-mail, IM, show up at work even when she wasn't working. THAT would have eventually smothered the crap out of him. He realizes that now. In the fog they just pretend these things aren't a big deal. CV

Thanks for that CV. Here's a strange thing about my WH. His OW is chinese. (We live in HK so chances are it would be). My WH can't stand them. He is the most horribly prejudiced person. When we'd go out driving it would be "f***ing chinese - useless f***ing drivers etc etc". They are the noisiest race and they love their mobile phones. They'll take a call in the middle of the cinema - forget that we're all listening to the movie. It drove him nuts.

So now, the love of his life is Chinese and hardly speaks English, but according to him he can speak easily to her. That's cos she doesn't understand the crap he's saying. All she wants is a passport. When I used to listen in on his voicemail, she'd leave the most awful messages. She's sing him songs in the most awful voice but it did make me smile listening to her. I think he is just so flattered at the attention he's been receiving. How could I even begin to do the same. She's got a business, a full-time maid bringing up her son, and lots of time to devote to poor Peter neglected by his wife, always busy with the kids. When we first came to HK, we frowned upon all the people who handed their children over to maids to bring up. So WE decided that I would stay home to look after ours. Guess who got shat on. TT

TT...wow...my WH's OW is a French girl. She has the ugliest accent and I truly don't know how he can listen to her. My WH speaks French fluently so I guess that's what they have in common. I guess they can say "oui, oui" to each other all day long. LOL! I have now become to hate the French language. I used to love to listen to my WH speak to me but now it just makes my blood boil!
Your WH will eventually see the OW for what she is. You're right ...he's just flattered right now.

The day that I talked to OW on the phone she told me that her and my WH had joked that she could move in with us and I could play mom to my son while they had fun. Nice person huh...and this is who he wants???? Whatever!!!!

Maybe you should learn French and I'll learn Cantonese. My WH told me that he could talk to his OW easier than he could to me. Well, after speaking on the phone to her I really struggled with that. She speaks really poor English (not a criticism - we're in HK - why should she) and it was a struggle to understand her. When we first started to get phonecalls at 2 and 3am, I thought this lady was saying "pizza, pizza". I guessed she had the wrong number for the delivery service. So I'd put the phone down, crawl back into bed and curse. What she was saying was "Peter, Peter". It was only when she said my name "tummytuck, tummytuck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> " that I just clicked and realised there was something dodgy going on. I was such a bloody idiot I can't believe myself.

I am really looking forward to the day when my WH's adultery is not lurking on my mind all day long. Most days it is with me almost constantly. It doesn't always get me down but it is there chipping away in my head. I'm so sick of that.