I posted on another MB board, but it was suggested I repost here because of more traffic. Thanks for reading.

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I guess I'm a newbee . . . again since it's been over a year since I posted by depressing story. I honestly thought my troubles with my WH were over, I thought wrong.

My WH began his emotional affair on a business trip in 10/2002, which continued via cell phone when he returned. He promised no contact and we went to counseling. Then in 5/2003 I found he purchased his own secret cell phone and was still talking to her. He moved out for 2 days, destroyed the cell phone and back to counseling. The past few years were up and down, but I felt we were on the road to happiness.

It was difficult to see him go on business trips again to the same area where the EA started, but I had regained trust and actually began to fall back in love with my husband.

He recently took a 10-week trip (of course to the same location where the OW lived), but he was considerate and caring to my concerns and everything was good. We attended our last counseling appointment together on November 20 (2004) and WH decided (and I did too) that we were ready to stop counseling and begin our live.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve, I was sending e-cards to family and friends when I noticed the e-greeting login was different. I clicked to see who it was and it was 5 Christmas e-greetings to, you guessed it, the OW from my hubby! I researched back to November and he sent 12 cards in one day to her - and they were very detailed and graphic.

He admitted he loved her and missed their sexual encounters. Needless to say, I was speechless. He seen me reading them and had nothing to say. He admitted to me he DID love her and they had sex several times during his last business trip and he's had contact with her for the past 2+ years via a calling card from work. I didn't want to upset the kids during the holidays, so we struggled to be "happy couple" till after the New Years, when he moved out.

So as you can see (sorry this is so long), I've been through so many “Just Found Outs” and “Recovery” I don't know where to begin. Plan A worked (or so I thought) for DD #1 and DD #2. Now I'm implementing Plan B. I just need some reassurance from other's who has been through Plan B. I've read the SAA chapter 4x on this, but am struggling.

I truly love this man! We have been married for almost 18 years (together for 20), but I'm so lost and betrayed. He says he still loves me, but needs time to work things out. I have an individual counseling appointment tomorrow - so I'm hanging by a thread until then.

Any support or words of encouragement is appreciated.

Have you completed all reasonable exposure?

Written a letter?

Everything is out in the open, kids, family and friends all know. He's actually living in another town (close to work 1 hr away). That makes it a little easier on me not running into him.

I sent him a Plan B letter via e-mail. When he called yesterday, he did NOT ask to talk to me. I also sent a copy of the same letter to the OW's e-mail. No response from that.

I went to my MC alone last night who told me to "take a deep breathe and don't do anything right now". She said my emotions are too high to make a rational decision if approached. When I came home this afternoon, WH left a message on the answering maching - sobbing saying he loves me, he made a big mistake, and can't see his life without me.

This really pulls at my heart strings - since he's not an emotional person. I did NOT call him back. I think he feels if the OW is ignored, she will just go away and we can live happily ever after. Until he permanently severs ties with her - we can't move forward.

So there's my situation . . . at least for today. Is this the way Plan B works out?

Everything is out in the open, kids, family and friends all know. He's actually living in another town (close to work 1 hr away). That makes it a little easier on me not running into him.

I sent him a Plan B letter via e-mail. When he called yesterday, he did NOT ask to talk to me. I also sent a copy of the same letter to the OW's e-mail. No response from that.

I went to my MC alone last night who told me to "take a deep breathe and don't do anything right now". She said my emotions are too high to make a rational decision if approached. When I came home this afternoon, WH left a message on the answering maching - sobbing saying he loves me, he made a big mistake, and can't see his life without me.

This really pulls at my heart strings - since he's not an emotional person. I did NOT call him back. I think he feels if the OW is ignored, she will just go away and we can live happily ever after. Until he permanently severs ties with her - we can't move forward.

So there's my situation . . . at least for today. Is this the way Plan B works out?

Everything is out in the open, kids, family and friends all know. He's actually living in another town (close to work 1 hr away). That makes it a little easier on me not running into him.

I sent him a Plan B letter via e-mail. When he called yesterday, he did NOT ask to talk to me. I also sent a copy of the same letter to the OW's e-mail. No response from that.

I went to my MC alone last night who told me to "take a deep breathe and don't do anything right now". She said my emotions are too high to make a rational decision if approached. When I came home this afternoon, WH left a message on the answering maching - sobbing saying he loves me, he made a big mistake, and can't see his life without me.

This really pulls at my heart strings - since he's not an emotional person. I did NOT call him back. I think he feels if the OW is ignored, she will just go away and we can live happily ever after. Until he permanently severs ties with her - we can't move forward.

So there's my situation . . . at least for today. Is this the way Plan B works out?

wow, sorry for the triple post, MG kept saying error.

I don't know - but I am curious what others say.

bump

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by steffany5:
<strong>Is this the way Plan B works out? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pretty much. If you're asking, "Is this the way I'm supposed to implement Plan B?"

How it "works out" is another topic.

Did your letter specify the conditions for further contact with your H? It should have included words to the effect that until he's ready to sever all contact with OW and commit to your marriage, that you will not interact with him. Period.

So, when he calls, don't talk to him unless he's ready to meet the conditions in your letter.

WH: Hi Honey (sobbing) - I just have to talk to you. I can't see my life without you!

Stef: Are you ready to do the things necessary that I specified in my letter?

WH: (Reading from the WS script) Blah, blah, blah.

Stef: I'm sorry, until you're ready, I must protect myself from the pain I feel from this situation and protect my remaining love for you from completely evaporating. I look forward to when you ARE ready so we can rebuild our marriage into one that will never have to be challenged like this again. Contact me again only when you're ready to do this.

DO NOT get into a protracted conversation.

So, if you're doing this, you're doing it correctly. If he's sobbing on the answering machine, it may very well be working.

WAT

WAT - Thank you for your comments. I did not respond to my WH's emotional plea. When he did call later to talk to the kids, he caught me on the phone and asked me if I got his message. My reply was yes. He said "well, it's a start, right?". My reply . . . "the only start would be to break it off with the OW - that would really be a start". No comment after that.

So far it's been really quiet. Tomorrow is his first visit with the kids since he left. I'm not going to be around - it would just be too hard on me.

Thanks again -

Well, my WH was suppose to pick-up the kids tonight (first visit since separation), and he's a no-show. Now I have three kids in tears and he says he has to work late, maybe visit tomorrow.

Now I'm mad and upset for the kids! I guess it's just another straw on the camels back.