What was it that made you realize he/she is never going to change? That nothing less from being separated from the WS is going to help?

Even though I haven't been here posting about everything, everyday, I have been trying to make things better and I haven't made emotional decisions!!! But I'm at the end of my rope. How many times must one get hurt by the WS? How many times can he get away with lying and hiding stuff, before you say, "you know what, I can't live like this anymore?"

I'm not sure I can be in the same bed with the man...I going back to the MC alone hopefully tomorrow...he's in complete denial about how much I am hurting. And I need to talk things through with her, or I'm going to lose my mind. And just so you know, the reason I'm going alone is because I need too! I do not need to denial coming from him mouth in that room!!!

It would be great to know what was the final straw for some of y'all...Thanks!!!

The final straw for me was the day I talked to the OW on the phone. She said some really awful things to me and my WH was sitting right next to her and allowed her to talk to me that way and about such personal things.....things I shared with only him.
We had been trying to have a baby for 5 years and were even going to a fertility doc. this last year while he was having his affair(I didn't know about it)
While on the phone with her....she said "since you can't give him a daughter..then I will". That crushed me. How could he allow her to say such a cruel thing to me? That did it for me! I knew right then and there that I was done with this man.

Dear TXWife,

So sorry to hear about your situation. I am in a similar situation, but have finally decided it's time for me to take hold of the reins for a change.

Here's my the abridged version of my story:

My WH resigned his job a few weeks ago. He's had at least 2 A's and I'm almost positive he's involved with another that has resulted in his forced resignation from his job of 20+ years. for 2 years I've been trying to hold it together hoping WH will come around. He went to counseling a few times but that's about all he's done. This weekend I was on the computer and found pix and emails that he and OW have been sending back and forth. Also found a lawyer's receipt from November and letters from OW. That was it for me. I can't live in limbo anymore so I'm seeing a lawyer. He's never made an effort to rebuild or even acted remorseful for his A's. I can't make him change.

Hi Andrea,

I think many people here have come to realize that when you see the same behavior over and over and over from a WS and nothing changes then you start to ask yourself,"Why am I still doing this?"

I have been here over a year and I guess I came to this conclusion somewhat faster than some other's: I have had enough.That's when I went to Plan B and then I subsequently went to Plan D when it was clear to me that my WH was not going to be invested at all in the marriage anymore,was lost and confused and I just could not longer be the one to try and help him.Yes I had hoped that filing for a D would finally knock some sense into him but that never happened.There was a time where he told me he was terrified at what he was going to lose but now I think he is defiant and wants to either really see how it is to be on his own and with the homewrecker or that he feels that I am too "proud" or angry for him to ever come back.

Also,unfortunately,we have always had a career/job issue with him and to this day it's still a problem.He makes it a problem and it has always served to separate us.

I just think there comes a time when you know that even one more week or month isn't going to change this person and you have to ask yourself if this is the way I want to be treated and live now.Sometimes it takes an MB'er to help you see that it's time to up the ante.No more fence sitting cake eater.Many people are afraid to file for the D.They either think that the WS should do the dirty work or that you are the one failing the marriage,thoughts like that but to me it's not true.The simple fact that we are here trying to fix our marriages and become educated about Infidelity says so much about who we are.But you cannot go on forever in a "marriage" where there is an unfaithful spouse engaged in an adulterous painful relationship.No one should have to endure that but we do for a while in hopes for getting the WS out of the fog and saving our marriages and families.

We each have our own time limit however.It's obvious to me that more times than not,prolonging the situation as is, with a WS, only serves them not us.Not always but msotly,in my experience being here.

O

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>