This is my brief recent history with women:

WxW spent 2004 gutting me, engages OM, apologizes New Years and invites me to a concert in March (for which I gave tickets at X-mas)

Mutual Friend enabled both WxW A’s then has spent the last 9 mos. unconditionally supporting me and avoiding WxW.

My H.S. GF thinks that I’m her soul mate and that my troubles stem from picking WxW over her 20 years ago.

A M’ed Work Friend wanted to be ‘more’ until she saw the fallout of WxW’s a and our Dv. Supportive but slightly foggy.

A woman I met three months ago wanted a R I opted for friendship (too soon for R!). She promptly asks me to talk to a ‘friend’ whose W had an A. I tell him about MB and MC (I’m no expert) A month later dude and my new ‘friend’ are engaged, and he’s still married! She says she couldn’t wait for me.

WxW tells folks I’m sleeping w/ Mutual Friend. H.S. GF flames me for talking to Work Friend. Work Friend jealous of New Friend. New Friend irritated that I didn’t tell her BF to Dv.

All have had or are willing to have A’s. All warn me not to (even Work Friend).

Sometimes I don’t feel like a person, but rather an object to be kept, used or bartered. Stuff like this makes it easy to stay alone for a while.

what gives?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 02:14 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

BTW, they all HATE WxW (even WxW doesn’t like herself too much)

Wow - looks like being single returns grownups to the High School playground ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Value yourself DL, any rumours and lies about you dont matter if they're not true.

That single for a while thing is a good idea I reckon.

Hi, DL.

I am glad that you are beginning to poke your head out for a look around.

What to do? That's easy. Find a new circle of friends that don't know so much about your situation.

Start dating. The first woman you find that likes you for who you are, and does NOT want to fix you or your broken past is the first woman you need to even think about in any serious manner whatsoever.

Stop spending your money on tickets for your ex. There is a woman (or four) out there that would actually like to go to a concert with you.

Stop spending your time looking at yourself in your ex-wife's mirror. The image reflected back to you doesn't even resemble what you look like or who you are. You can no longer get your identity from her.

It is time for a new mirror. The other one has some serious cracks in it and the silver is gone.

All the best,
Gimble

Stop spending your time looking at yourself in your ex-wife's mirror. The image reflected back to you doesn't even resemble what you look like or who you are. You can no longer get your identity from her.

Ilove this!

DL

Sheesh where do you live? These women are off the hook. I'd stay the heck away from every one of them you described here. There is someone out there for you who isn't criminally insane DL LOL, I don't know who she is yet, but I promise she's out there somewhere.

-Caren

Yikes dlc.

I agree with caren,stear clear of these confused wacked out people.They obviously don't know what a proper relationship means.More reason to make sure you heal and are on your own a while before entering into another potential mess.There ARE normal women out there.

O

Well "golly gee whiz" dlc, isn't it interesting (if you can step back from the trees long enough to see the whole forest) how Satan is still trying to get YOU?!

He knows you are emotionally vulnerable and keeps sending people your way who either do not believe in Christ or who have a very weak standing in their faith.

"Here, dlc, let me give you some nice, soft, willing, flesh to sooth your pain. But don't look too deeply. Don't insist upon a woman of strong Christian faith. Don't listen to God (He didn't really mean what He said anyway) and just let your emotions control you.

I can give you any woman to be your "pet," but don't expect a partner who is a "completer" of you in Christ. I'll have none of that. Besides, you are a man, with "manly" needs, and you don't have to wait until you are through the grieving process of the death of your marriage. You see, your x-W was mine, along with the Psychic I used, all along. So let's stay in an "unevenly yoked" relationship when you are looking at other women who I might bring across your path. I'm NOT done with you, dlc.

That dusty old book, you know the one, it's called the "Good Book," the Bible, the Word, the Scripture....it didn't help you, did it? So why not just put it back in the drawer and forget all about it?

Oh, one last thing, I intend to keep your x-W in your life so you can keep the "good feelings" of being unequally yoked alive. All those bad things? Forget them. That way I can also work on making sure that your children don't "grow up in the Lord." Unless, of course, that "lord" is me.

You see, dlc, YOU care. YOU love. I am going to keep using that against you as long as you don't learn what God really has to say. Just ask me and I'll "interpret" it for you.

Welcome to my world, dlc. What a wonderful matrix I weave in order to deceive. I love myself!!!....and ONLY myself!!!!"

Job...errr...dlc, my prayer is that God surrounds you with His ministering angels while you endure this tribulation and wait patiently for healing, understanding, and can live for His glory. Make no mistake about it, the Good Shepard is looking for you to bring you back safely to the sheep pen.

God bless.

To sum: I’m in the throes of Satan at a H.S. playground surrounded by cracked mirrors and confused and whacked out women. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> “Off the hook”, indeed.

Is this what happens? I'm getting pulled around b/c I love, b/c I care?

I don't know what's normal anymore in a R. 1/2 my life with WxW. Friends I've had for 20 plus years. Everyone new I've met so far (though I'm not looking) knows 'the story'-small world.

Many folks (counselor, pastor, etc.) say that I have a lot of 'feminine energy', that's why I talk/write/emote so easily and have more female friends than male. But women friends that were 'normal B4 are coming at me sideways, for all sorts of reasons (which I can't fathom)

Why is WxW sliding up tp me?-she got her OM/Dv
Why is someone I dated 23 years ago (but friends since) suddenly acting like we were an item a last week?

Why is my WxW’s best friend ignoring her but treating me like her long lost brother whom she must protect?

Why is a woman I've known for years at work acting like she just met me, and why does that create such fog?

No one acts as they did a year ago, nor do many act as expected. Sometimes I feel blessed (for the support) sometimes I feel cursed (for the mixed messages). Most times I feel tired.

Is this stuff normal?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

DL-Maybe you have an interesting kind of vulnerablity about you. That wounded, leaking emotion thing attracts a lot of women. Perhaps they think you have a certain empathy for their situation. That they can fix you. Plus, you are probably affair-proof now, right?

Honestly, I don't think all women are like this any more than I think all men are clueless, slimeball idiots. (No, just one that I can think of <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) You need to find new friends and new interests. Maybe with some people have better things to do than think about themselves all the time.

Good luck. You are not an object.

dlc:

I agree with grapegirl here. You probably exude some sort of vulnerability 2 these women that they can't resist. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, particularly since you seem 2 have your personal boundaries reasonably well established. If you didn't, you'd probably have shacked up with one (or all) of these women before now. It's good that you can resist that kind of temptation.

Did I get you right, though? The mu2al friend is willing 2 have an "A" with you? I thought she was the most "evolved thinker" of the bunch. Sad if she's not. However, I will point out that, though it is probably 2 soon for you 2 date, if you dated her it would not be an A (she's single, if I remember correctly, right? ...well so are you!).

I tend 2 disagree that you should seek out companions who don't know your his2ry or have experience with this kind of trauma. Granted, the ones you've described haven't learned much from it, but if it were me, I'd prefer something like the approach described by redhat when we met in San Fran last month, and that is 2 tell any potential "date" where you're coming from, what you've been through, and that you'll discuss anything (or not) that they feel they would like or need 2 discuss. Put all your cards out on the table. redhat's a smart guy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

best,
-ol' 2long

OK, I must also agree that you need to stay away from these women. Not all women are this crazy, trust me. I read somewhere that if a person of the opposite sex is not for your recovery/marriag, then STAY AWAY!
It's good to know that some men still have Values, too, and know when not to start things too early or get involved too soon.
Don't get too discouraged <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

dlc,

I think you just need to be hyper aware(you should be after all you have been through) about people's actions toward you.Whether or not you have some feminine "vulnerabilty" is irrelevant because some people will pick up on one thing or another that they think will be conducive to a relationship with that person but as we all know,it's not any one thing and it could be a negative aspect.

For example,right now the women around may perceive you to be a wounded bird perhaps,something that needs to be taken care of.That happens all the time,I have seen it.A person is going through a crisis of some sort and then other's come into your life wanting to "help".Many times this is appreciated and appropriate,other times not.

Another example is perhaps you are materialistic,you have a nice Mercedes,nice clothes,some women are attracted to that.Is it a good thing? Maybe,maybe not.It's how they treat you and act around you that matters.Actions,choices.

*WW is suddenly nice to you and wants to be friendly after all she put you through and jumps for joy at her new tickets to a concert.WHY?

*Old "friend" that was supporting WW in her A is now suddenly your buddy and wants to be around you.WHY?

*Old HS GF now wants to enter the picture by suggesting that you shouldn't have passed HER up, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> that is the cause of all your troubles(soulmates PUKE) WHY?

* A MARRIED work friend wanted to be more... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WHY?

*Another woman befriends you in the midst of your chaotic life and then runs off to get married to the OM friend?? (Geeze) WHY?

If you sit back and look at this from afar,like maybe we can since we are not you,this looks pathetic and amusing all at the same time.What is wrong with people? Is this the way normal healthy people act? NO.Do they have issues? I would bet a big yes to that.I cannot believe this isn't common sense.This wreaks of self interest does it not?These people either want something from you or are going through some of their own inner turmoil that has yet to be discovered.Are you going to be around to find out what these people are going through?

One thing that stands out though to me is that if you had avoided all these women while you were going through this Infidelity,you may have saved yourself some heartache/confusion.That is why I am a staunch believer in that you avoid those of the opposite sex like the plague if and until you are D'd.Period.Non negotiable.I think that is part of how I am keeping my sanity and integrity.I have no males around me confusing me or trying to get me into a relationship or bed,ya know what I mean? I feel safer too.There is no way I am going to let a man into my life in any way,friend or foe,until I am healed and ready 100%.

JMVHO of course.

O

*edited for pesky typos...again

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Well. N/C with opposite sex? I agree with that for new people but do I cut off Friendships that I have had for 15 plus years? Or do I reassert my boundaries? Exposure was made so public by my hospitalization and & WxW public spin on how 'troubled' Iam. My behavior proved otherwise, making me 'Victim of the Year' in some circles. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My male friends don't want to talk about it. They send their wives over to make sure I'm OK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> They leave me alone to ' work things out' and say other avoident things. They tell me to start dating NOW, have Fun (i.e. sex) and think I spend too much time reflecting. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then I must be from Mercury.

BTW 2Long, Mutual Friend doesn't want an initimate R, she's the only one not giving those type of mixed messages.

dlc:

Then, mu2al friend is the one you want 2 befriend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And do stay away from intimate Rs for a while anyway.

But date if you want 2, also, keeping your boundaries firmly in place. After all, you're "wounded" but not dead!

-ol' 2long

then I must be from Mercury.

Okay then, that explains it! Mercury is just now coming out of retrograde, and it seems so are you!
Well there ya go!

(now 2long, don't you start you astonaut babble on this either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Hm... then would retrovaile (or however it's spelled) mean a bride without the vail over her face? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

-ol' 2long

No 2long, it would mean she had the veil on backwards! duh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Don't be making fun of Retrouville (sp) either!

Didn't you read Chopra's "Way of the Wizard" yet, like I told you to? It would give you an idea of what backwards means, in fact it might even make you change your name to "young 2long". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dleigh was going backwards, but now he has repositioned himself, turned himself around so to speak and is moving in a forward motion!

Right Dleigh?

I hope so!

My questions are perhaps my way of taking stock of my position. So much fog, I'm looking for the lighthouse...

I believe God works through people (esp. YOU 2Long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) His will His grace, His peace can be found right here on this craggy planet teeming with skilled Weavers, rare Orchids, and good fellows who know that ForeverHers isn't 2Long at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep 'em coming I'll keep on going (and paying it forward) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now that was cute! (and clever)

I do believe you are getting your mojo back!

Mercury retrograde, I tell ya!

Thank you Father! I do believe Dleigh is coming home!