Yes, I'm back.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm very confused and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that some wounds are too deep to get over and let someone be close again. I'm also afraid that he will keep hurting me, and that God is trying to warn me to walk away from him because God let me find out those 2 terrible things last week so that my eyes would be open and I would see the real H. I'm also afraid that even I think I can forgive him, in reality, it may take such a long time, especially if I'm trying to be his W, that it's just not possible to continue and it would be better if I just walked away.
Any thoughts? My pastor said not to spend another minute on him and to get a good lawyer, but I think he is not objective because he's seen how my H has treated me and how scared I am right now about my health and my H's anger. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, cuteIShot, how do want my response? Short and sweet, or long and involved?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is my H a Christian? well, he did have faith, but since A thinks it's all nonsense -- I saw some progress with that, but then it disappeared
The 2 dealbreakers: I found out he was paying prostitutes to have sex, and I think in our home & our bed. I prefer not to elaborate on details. This has nothing to do w/ the current "in love w/ prostitute" post I saw here. When I asked him about it, he denied, then got angry, then said it was my fault for snooping. I said that I'm sad, but this is probably a dealbreaker and I left our house. Right after I left he called OW and she came over to our home & they spend time together over NYears weekend while I was alone & crying. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cuteIShot - on the surface it would appear that your husband is not a believer, he's not even trying to "maintain the illusion" of belief for your benefit. While I cannot know, as only God does, whether or not he ever truly accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior, I do think that you have every right and justification for a divorce.
I know it hurts. You love/loved him. But "that" person doesn't exist now. What you have now is an abuser and a user. That is NOT the person you feel in love with and is NOT the person that you can change. You can't change anyone. THEY must change themselves. All you can do is to remove yourself from the consequences of their painful choices.
At this point I think you have at least two things going on that would argue for a divorce. One, he HAS committed adultery many times, with little or no remorse. Two, he is most likely not a believer and you are in a "unevenly yoked" marriage. Should you ever "get interested" in another man sometime in the future, I would strongly caution you to make sure that it is ONLY with a strong believer in Christ and not just an emotional reaction and "tinglies."
If, on the other hand, you choose to fight for your marriage, then you need to be ready to accept that all of your struggles may not result in a "saved marriage" or a "better marriage." It takes TWO to do that. But if you choose to fight for your marriage, understand that YOU are making that choice and that YOU are accepting the "hard struggle" that comes with such a choice. The only thing to keep you going at times is your love for your spouse. Will it be enough? Will you continue to love even if your "Love Bank" gets overdrawn? Will you refuse to "give up" even when you are feeling twisted and torn apart from the seeming lack of response on the part of your husband?
Love is not necessarily easy. But it is always sacrificial. But remember, "Love the Lord your God" and "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." There are many "types" of love (definitions, if you will), but it all begins with "Love the Lord with all your heart, and obey His commands."
God bless.
