Why is it that the WS can't see through the fog? What makes them think that things will be better down the road with their OP just because their fantasy world is great right now? Do they not realize that once the "puppy love" state wears off that they will see their OP has flaws too? When this happens it will be too late. Families are torn apart, children and adults will suffer great heartache.

My WW has a husband who is flawed. I have made numerous mistakes in our marriage, I'm human damnit! I will make more should we work this out. I am her husband of 10 years. We had something once, we can get that back. I am the father of her children. What makes her think this OM will be better for her in the long run? She's willing to throw it all away, our family, our marriage because she thinks the OM will treat her better. How does she know that once the "puppy love" state wears off she will still be happy? The pain being caused to our children, and each other is so great. She has a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. To make things better. To correct those problems that we have had in the past, but she will risk it all on a roll of the dice. On a man, who she doesn't know if he will stick around once reality sets in and he goes from single man to man dating woman with 3 daughters. On a man who the personality quirks will shine through and most likely there will be some she doesn't like.

Just a vent!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> MIF? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Sadly, it may take her being divorced by you to realize this. That old saying " YOu don't know what you have till it's gone" seems to resonate (? sp) to me here. I don't offer advice, but it is good to vent. Stay strong and please DON'T move your boundaries NOW.

Goodlcuk

LM

Nope, not gonna move my boundries. She told me just the other day that she didn't think she wanted a divorce, but she doesn't want to jump in with both feet. I told her to let me know when she is ready to do it right, because I don't want to do a half-assed job at it, because it won't work that way.

So, as it goes, the wheels of justice continue to grind away toward a divorce for me.

Funny that you mention this, MIF. I told my husband the other day that if we were to divorce, then that would be it. I would no longer want any contact with him and I would move on with my life. At this point, we do not have any children, so I would not see why we should stay in touch. He said that some people remain friends after divorce. I told him that I'm not one of THOSE people. He seemed shocked and teary and he said that he would not want that and he doesn't understand how I could then never want to see him again. Why would I?

I guess, it would be a cake-eater's fantasy world? He also could not stand the thought of me being with another man.

Strange, hmmm???

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MIF?:
<strong> She told me just the other day that she didn't think she wanted a divorce, but she doesn't want to jump in with both feet. I told her to let me know when she is ready to do it right, because I don't want to do a half-assed job at it, because it won't work that way.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

even as a Fww I can't begin to explain to you how the selfishness takes over when you're in the midst of the high of the A...looking back, I can see how selfish and self-centered I was during the A...i think 'fog' describes it very well, because at some point you don't see the world very clearly..it's all clouded by wanting to get that fix that the op provides...not proud of where I was at that point, but looking back, I can see how it all spiraled out of control...

LM had a good point...thinking back to the mindset I was in at that point of my life...having my H being 'understanding' and allowing me to fence-sit, knowing that he was sitting back and giving me the choice of whether to end the A or keep both him and the OP on the hook would have kept me in the 'fog' longer...not giving advice here..just saying that as long as she knows she can fulfill the fantasy with the OP and you'll still be there to work things out if she chooses...well, you do the math..

I hope your WW wakes up before it's too late, she does have a lot to lose...

I totally agree with MIF, because i am going thru the same thing right now. I am almost to the point of leaving so she can see what it is like without me. Im not advising that to anyone thats just how i feel. I also have to kids to think about that is why i havent done that yet.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MIF?:
[QB] Why is it that the WS can't see through the fog? What makes them think that things will be better down the road with their OP just because their fantasy world is great right now? Do they not realize that once the "puppy love" state wears off that they will see their OP has flaws too?

I have wanted to stand my WW in front of my car and turn on the FOG lights, and pray she would be able to see clearly....She has no realization of anything she has done or is doing.

She see's my flaws, however her OM walks on water..

Makes me mad.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>
She see's my flaws, however her OM walks on water..

Makes me mad. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly, as if he doesn't have any flaws. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You got that right!

My WW has no flaws at all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

She even had the nerve to tell me she was asked out on a date yesterday, not by her OM but someone
else!

She gets upset if she thinks I might go on a date! I have told her many times I would not do that, I will not date when I am in a M with you.

But miss no flaws thinks it's ok to gloat about her being asked out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Two standards, one for the sane (us) one for thr WW (FOG)

FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>...

But miss no flaws thinks it's ok to gloat about her being asked out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Two standards, one for the sane (us) one for thr WW (FOG)

FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry but that made me laugh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Since we choose who we love (Gary Chapman, 5 Love Languages) does that mean our WS are choosing to love their OP and not their BS? Or is it the feeling of being "in love" is too strong and they run with that instead?

My WW said that her first kiss with OM was like putting her finger in a light socket. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That was it for her and now we are on our way to a D. Some day that "light socket" feeling will not longer be there for her and she will be left there with her OM and a similar relationship with him that we have only she will have caused her children a great deal of pain in the process.

Selfish, selfish, selfish

MIF?

I did what I needed to do at the time. People often don't understand relationships that affair people have. I am not saying what I did was right. All of my encounters were not sexual either. We were very good friends, he had problems like I did. I will let you read an e-mail he sent me recently.

What we had was fun but no matter how you look at it the relationship was wrong. It was no ones fault it happened we both allowed it to happen in the process we opened up to each other which was a mistake it would have been cool maybe if we didn’t have a physical relationship but that was what happened. Now we are still dealing with the affects of having a physical relationship and that is why the feelings are still there. I think we have a chance to salvage our friendship without being involved the way we were before but its up to you and I.

Oh the Fog is a real pea super

Thick like a silk coccoon (spelling?)

My WH is totally lost in it.

You sometimes just want to shake them and shake them.

They cant see past their nose they LOOOVE the OP and that is all they see no other consequences.

We are all trying to blow the fog away I will need an alien ray gun opps sorry dont exist.

Plan A

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Or is it the feeling of being "in love" is too strong and they run with that instead?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, MIF, that is what the A does, it gives you those feelings. The WS turns to somebody else, most times not intentionally, but then the talks form a bond, and when the the love tank if low for the H, this OP fills up quickly and then the feelings of "in love" take over.

PUKE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm a FWW, I had an A just like everybody else, but I didn't lose touch with reality, I still knew what was real from fantasy, didn't stop me from endulging in the fantasy, but I knew what was real for me.

KY

For the WS, it is a choice to love the BS, and when you are feeling all giddy with the OP, which whom it comes so natural, you then confuse the "real" love, the love of choice, for being "not in love with" because the fantasy love, the love of euphoria is stronger at the time.

Therefore, NC is important, break the bond, so the mind can clear and then the mind can chose to love the person they are married too.

My WW is the same way, she knows the diff between reality and her fantasy A. She has told me so a few times.

Yet the pull of the A keeps her going. It is the spark she has with OM that keeps it going.

He makes her feel alive, I reminde her of the reality of life.
Bills
Kids
Jobs

Her OM has the fun job, all he does is be ON for a few hours and he gets what he wants.

Then life slaps my WW in the face and she comes home to face life.

Hi,

I like the venting. It's almost like you're doing it for me. How long is this expected to last? Does it depend on how long it went on and if PA was involved? I'd like to believe that my WW's fog will lift quickly because a) she didn't know this person at all except through e-mail and b)no physical contact and c) they only talked for 2 months or so. Am I naive to hope? For those venting about the fog, I sympathize. I can't imagine staying the course if the fog lasted for months and months.

So heartfelt wishes that the wind will come up and blow the fog away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Kati:
<strong> Funny that you mention this, MIF. I told my husband the other day that if we were to divorce, then that would be it. I would no longer want any contact with him and I would move on with my life. At this point, we do not have any children, so I would not see why we should stay in touch. He said that some people remain friends after divorce. I told him that I'm not one of THOSE people. He seemed shocked and teary and he said that he would not want that and he doesn't understand how I could then never want to see him again. Why would I?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kati,

I 100% agree with you and understand your logic. I cannot have no contact because of the children but feel the same way you do.

Simply my friends don't betray or hurt me our else they aren't my friends anymore. That's why we aren't going to be friends. I guess it depends upon your expectations of a friend but sadly my WW certainly doesn't meet my expectations anymore....

Miker

alank, that's right. I am kids, bills, household chores guy. OM is fun, play games have a good time guy.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
KY wrote - For the WS, it is a choice to love the BS, and when you are feeling all giddy with the OP, which whom it comes so natural, you then confuse the "real" love, the love of choice, for being "not in love with" because the fantasy love, the love of euphoria is stronger at the time.

Therefore, NC is important, break the bond, so the mind can clear and then the mind can chose to love the person they are married too.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That makes a lot of sense

MIF, I want my WW to see me as the man she first fell in love with. Fun easy going, a laugh a second.

The problem with that right now is all the stress and tennsion in our life right now. With a few money problems and a big A looking at us, I understand to a certian degree how her OM looks so good. He is the party, the spark in her life, I am Mr. Household.

If and when the fog breaks, I hope she will look at me and see the same sunshine she saw before this. We had so much fun together in between all the trials of life. I want one mopre shot at this.. I pray for it everyday.