</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Feeling lonely (i.e. horny), I decided to go to a "massage parlor". Boy was that a mistake.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, was this a mistake because you willingly sought out and had sex with someone other than your wife...or simply because you developed an emotional attachment? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As far as a conversation with my wife...absolutely out of the question. I might as well kiss my marriage goodbye if I did that.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you have already kissed your M goodbye...it's just a matter of time until your W discovers your cheating ways.

Ha...protection....are you serious? Unless you were in a full body condom, you're not safe. You realize that HPV/human papillomavirus, the virus that causes genital warts spreads by direct skin-to-skin contact. It doesn't mean just your penis......I assume there was SOME skin to skin contact....so you're not safe, and you should tell your wife Mr. Timebomb.

-Caren

Mindsink....Unfortunately your name fits right now...your mind has sunk to trash. Sorry but you need to wake up!
The woman ( I wouldn't even call her that) she is not worth throwing your marriage awy for. She has sex with men for money. Is this the kind of woman you want??? She's telling you what she wants you to hear so you will keep seeing her. Do you not understand this????
You are going to have to tell your wife if you plan on ever recovering from this. I can honestly tell you....if I were your wife and you told me this...it would be over! You made your bed and now you have to lie in it.... whatever comes!
What you have done is a horrible thing. It's bad enough for a man to have an affair but to have one with a prostitute......man, where are your morals?????
Forget about this woman and be a real man and face what you have done!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> What you have done is a horrible thing. It's bad enough for a man to have an affair but to have one with a prostitute......man, where are your morals?????
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tree:

Is it just me, or are you somehow making a point that a WS having an affair with a prostitute is somehow on a less moral ground than a WS having it with a joe-schmo/or mary smith Co-worker. Before I comment further, I just want to be sure I understood you. Perhaps I read it wrong....I have been known to do this in the past <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

I find it horribly sad that you'd rather see your wife dead than tell her that you could possibly have given her a disease that could be treated. I don't even care about your delusional thinking right now...I am deeply concerned for your wife.

Don't you think she has a right to know that she could be dying right now?!???

Pssst Maddy....I think his wife was gone when this happened and isn't back yet....LOL

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maddyk:
<strong> I find it horribly sad that you'd rather see your wife dead than tell her that you could possibly have given her a disease that could be treated. I don't even care about your delusional thinking right now...I am deeply concerned for your wife.

Don't you think she has a right to know that she could be dying right now?!??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maddy:

I think this point you make is great, but BELIEVE you me, it is not prostitues and the like that scare me. You may think I am nuts, but they usually practice safe sex...it comes with the territory...you know what you are getting with them. The real worry is the many others who are in a "higher" class who are spreading herpes and chlmaydia like wild fire, becasue they think it couldn't happen to them. THESE ARE the people who are filing up their MD's offices and clinics....NOT THE PROSTITUTES. As far as I am concerned, the fact that this Original POster is seeing a prostitute makes no difference to me. In my line of work, when we deal with bodily fluids of any kind we TREAT EVERYONE as if they have AIDS. We should not do any less here. Any affair by a WS is a death roll. Treating it as "worse" because it is with a prostitute is faulty thinking.

Caren...okay, missed that. But still...if he doesn't plan on telling her...and tries to work out the marriage...then it all amounts to the same.

**edit after reading LM's post**

VERY VERY VERY good point, Lemonman. I guess my thinking was along the lines of..the more you have sex with different partners, protection or not, the more likely you are to catch and pass on disease.

but your point is good and I think you're right that people are too complacent about that.

Maybe what's chapping my hide here is that someone would actually believe that a prostitute they're seeing is not like other prostitutes and everything she tells him is on the up-and-up. Myabe I'm confusing the issue.

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>

"REAL"? "GENUINE"?

Your marriage is REAL, and you are GENUINEly hurting your wife. Annie is not Julia Roberts and you are not Richard Gere.

Infidelity Through the Tear Stained Eyes of the Betrayed:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/cheater_letter.asp

Maddy - I feel ya sista!!

Lemonman - you aren't just whistling dixie. I think it's a normal female reaction to reel with disgust at the thought of their man with a prostitute (and ladies, really that's what we're doing). It turns my stomach a little. BUT I agree, a prostitute is no worse than our WS's OP's...we don't know where the hell they've been either.

I put myself in the position of the BS in every post I read, I can't help it...I'm a BS, but I always try (don't always succeed) to look at it objectively, and without you Lemon, I really doubt I could have seen it objectively....Thanks.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong>
I put myself in the position of the BS in every post I read, I can't help it...I'm a BS, but I always try (don't always succeed) to look at it objectively, and without you Lemon, I really doubt I could have seen it objectively....Thanks.

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO problem sista. Hang in there. I am rooting for your PERSONAL survival and recovery,...and if your marriage can be saved in the process, all the more better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cheers

LM

Actually, Julia Roberts stole a man from his marriage and proceeded to have children by him. Annie's not so different from that.

(I know, you meant her character in Pretty Woman. However, the reality is that Julia is way too similar to Annie. Which is really too bad. I used to like her. Now seeing her makes me sick.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just J:
<strong> Actually, Julia Roberts stole a man from his marriage and proceeded to have children by him. Annie's not so different from that.

(I know, you meant her character in Pretty Woman. However, the reality is that Julia is way too similar to Annie. Which is really too bad. I used to like her. Now seeing her makes me sick.) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL, and it aint funny...but this statement you make is true about her. I guess I never really paid that much attention..but alas, you are right. Julia was the OW, and "she got her man".

LM

lemonman...You are right...they are both the same. It's all awful and it all hurts the same. Sorry...guess it came out wrong.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maddyk:
<strong> I find it horribly sad that you'd rather see your wife dead than tell her that you could possibly have given her a disease that could be treated. I don't even care about your delusional thinking right now...I am deeply concerned for your wife.

Don't you think she has a right to know that she could be dying right now?!??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maddy:

I think this point you make is great, but BELIEVE you me, it is not prostitues and the like that scare me. You may think I am nuts, but they usually practice safe sex...it comes with the territory...you know what you are getting with them. The real worry is the many others who are in a "higher" class who are spreading herpes and chlmaydia like wild fire, becasue they think it couldn't happen to them. THESE ARE the people who are filing up their MD's offices and clinics....NOT THE PROSTITUTES. As far as I am concerned, the fact that this Original POster is seeing a prostitute makes no difference to me. In my line of work, when we deal with bodily fluids of any kind we TREAT EVERYONE as if they have AIDS. We should not do any less here. Any affair by a WS is a death roll. Treating it as "worse" because it is with a prostitute is faulty thinking. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi lemonman, I'm not sure if I've talked to you before. I received my STD results this Tuesday (not sure if wife is in a PA, no Sex since July) and everything came back Negative, thank god.

But this is what confuses me. The doctor said Chlamydia, Shypillis, and Hepatitis B was no big deal "as long as it was Caught." He obviously said AIDS was the worst and I understand this statement.

It seems like none of these STD's are really a big deal "as long as you get tested often" and then you can treat the STD and be done with it.

I realize AIDS is the biggie, but is it true that the above are NO big deal as long as they are caught?

Thanks

Andrew

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> lemonman...You are right...they are both the same. It's all awful and it all hurts the same. Sorry...guess it came out wrong. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PLease don't apologize to me for anything. I figured that, and thus didn't craft a response. I get what you were initially thinking though. That is human nature to think that being with a prostitute is somehow the lowest of the low...but when you think about it really, it isn't any worse or better...it is as you say.. "all the same".

LM

Ewwwwwww I didn't know that about Julia Roberts...that skank!!!! I used to like her too. I feel the same exact complete LOATHING for Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong....arrrrgh, I don't know who makes me want to vomit more. Lance "Oh I know my wife stayed by me while I had cancer and stuff...but, Oh who cares...Sheryl Crow likes me" Puuuuuke!!!

-Caren

lemonman...
Gotcha! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Caren...
I know what you mean. I don't like Sheryl Crow or Lance Armstrong either for what they did.
Come on people....get some morals!!!!! Uggghhhh!

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TA:
<strong> [But this is what confuses me. The doctor said Chlamydia, Shypillis, and Hepatitis B was no big deal "as long as it was Caught." He obviously said AIDS was the worst and I understand this statement.

It seems like none of these STD's are really a big deal "as long as you get tested often" and then you can treat the STD and be done with it.

I realize AIDS is the biggie, but is it true that the above are NO big deal as long as they are caught?

Thanks

Andrew </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I guess...IN THE GRAND scheme of things (READ: DEATH), I can understand your MD talking of the STD's you mentioned as being thoguht of as "no big deal".....NO big deal I guess, as long as it is not him who gets them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Chlamydia and Syphillis are easily treated with antibiotics and will not recur if repeated exposure does not occur.

Herpes is for life, and IMO, the social conotation of Herpes is far worse than the physical. The outbreaks are very manageable with antiviral therapy.

Hep B can be devestating and cause LIVER FAILURE, but in all likelihood one will "pass" the infection process ok, and not suffer long term sequale.

SO, in a way, your doc is right. Many of the STD's caught are not life threatning, and usually cause more emotional and psychological trauma than physical trauma.

AIDS is the biggie, but FAR HARDER to catch than Hepatitis, Herpes, or CHlamydia. Even AIDS....well more politically correct I should say HIV disease is now a chronic managebable condition quite like Diabates and Coronary Artery Disease....but obviously carries FAR greater emotional, pyschological, social, and financial turmoil.

The point is, ANYONE here who's spouse has had an AFFAIr that involved ANY % chance of sexual relations (no matter how small) should be tested as you were tested. There is no possible way to rationalize not beiong tested. Call it a LB, if you want, but this should NEVER be a point of negotiation. I have seen where betryaed spouses were encouraged to POJA the degree of STD testing and this blew my mind. Hey, just my opinions though.

LM

My doctor acted as though AIDS was not that big of deal anymore. He said 10 years ago it was, but not today.

Here's my point, why does everyone make such a big deal about STD's.

I was going thru hell waiting for my results, took 5 damn days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />