My WW has no faults. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

All things wrong were done by me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

She is justified in all she does.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She needs her space. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I get in her way.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This is as funny as WAT and mortarman have said.
I just realized this a few mins ago. My WW told me of a guy asking her out on a date to which she said no, she went out with me.

She was very proud of the fact she was asked out. If I were to go out with another W she would go nuts.

She needs and wants me, yet wants all things to go her way. She has nothing to be sorry for in her eyes. As all our problems are my doing.

She is spending less time with OM, I only am aware of this as we have been joined at the hip from Dec 23 untill today and we are doing something tonight as well.

I think she already knows she wants this M with me. This fog is realy strange stuff.

Are all WS's the same? I am killing her with my Plan A. I think it may be working.

Yes to one extent or another they are all the same.

Keep up the Plan Aing it sure sounds like it is working to me.

Best of luck and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!

Yippeeee Alan...good for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I hope to report the same here soon. I am plan Aing like a crazy person. By the way....everything is my fault too....just so you don't feel alone LOL I think my H is spending less and less time with his OP too....he actually agreed to come over and hang out Saturday night.....wonder what little Ms. Wonderful is gonna do all alone on a Saturday night......Mwah ha ha <----That's my evil laugh

-Caren

Very true, it is a great day to be alive.

I am sure that the devil that is inside my WW will pop up many times to come in the future, however I do feel a bit better today than I have in a bit.

Soon she will see daylight.
Soon she will want her family back.

If not her loss, I am a great guy, I am so good looking I often flirt with myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

alank,

Ever see the movie "SHE"? The old version. From that movie came the famous saying "She who must be obeyed." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You are finally getting it. You are wrong, and when you think you are wrong, you are wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You will follow orders, you will pay attention,and don't forget you are WRONG. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You asked if something about her reminded us of the movie Alien, the answer is yes and the character drooled alot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Step back, pay attention, and realize that NONE of this makes sense. That is where you are messing up, you think this stuff is supposed to make sense. It does not, at least in our world. Now you know why WAT came up with the alien abduction theory.

Just remember if you did a planet check, she would be found to be from "elsewhere". So smile, enjoy the show, and you will end up being able to quote chapter and verse to the next newbie that comes here, because they all seem to read the same book.

God Bless,

JL

How true everyone is about this. None of it makes sense.

My WW's devil came out today already. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

We are having some money trouble here and again it's all my fault. I have never been in a sitch like this before. My WW was the most kind person I have ever met, now she is replaced by an Alien! And a big one at that.

I think I had a LB last night, I asked her about this guy that asked her out, I was straight forward and asked if she was planning on starting to date. She lost her mind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She wanted to know why I am unable to fly by the seat of my pants and why would I ask about something that could change on a daily basis. I may not date today however I may next week.

She called back to say sorry, does anyone think that was a LB on my part.

I just thought I should have a right to know what is going on with us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>.....and why would I ask about something that could change on a daily basis.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is probably the best question she could ask you. Only she doesn't know how well it defines her and that it's essentially the same question WE'VE been asking you all week!

Amazing, huh?

To avoid LBs, don't ask questions. Just sit back and try to enjoy the "show", because THAT is exactly what it is.

WAT

Fair enough WAT,

I am srating to make a list of my fav movies that my WW could star in right now. I would be the actor no one knows and always dies early on.

1. Predator
2. Alien
3. Species
3. No Way Out
The list can go on and on.

Fair enough WAT,

I am starting to make a list of my fav movies that my WW could star in right now. I would be the actor no one knows and always dies early on.

1. Predator
2. Alien
3. Species
3. No Way Out (she feels traped)

The list can go on and on.

Hey the sun came out today here,

my WW who spent a good 20 mins today beating me down for all of our problems just called.

Phone rang
saw number <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
looked for a place to hide!
DD brought me phone <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
WW was sweet as pie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bought King Crab legs, my fav wine and wants to know if I would like to join her for dinner <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

The rollercoaster has always been my fav ride...just didn't know I could ride it so long..

Life is like lego, something new everyday.

Whee! Put your hands up! Put your hands up!

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: legato ]</small>

legato, my hands are very high right now. I am at the top of the rollercoaster right now...


I would like to stay here a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

However, we do have a odd thing going on.

We have a great night, I mean realy great then the next morning she calls, finds a reason to beat me up and vent and then we carry on <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> .

Odd yet I know when it is going to happen now. She calls me at 8:15am on my way to work and cuts me as much as she can.
I make sure I have my coffee by then, and I sit back and listen, try for no LB's and wait for it to end.

When it ends things are great, it is generaly over by 2:00pm and the rest of the day is great.

What a ride...WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Yeah, I don't know what it is; there just so moody. And it used to be with me that my mood was whatever hers was. If she was in a bad mood I felt horrible; like no hope, despair. And when things were good, I was on top of the world.

I think at some point you have to try to disconnect from all of that. I don't know if your wife is like mine was but some point it can get really ugly, so just be ready. Remember what I said about looking her in the eye and seeing her as an angry child? That's what finally did it for me. Just because she is stomping her feet and having a tantrum doesn't mean that I have to feel bad or feel like I LB'd. Just cause they're mad doesn't mean that you LB'd. Sometimes them getting mad means you're doing exactly the right thing. They're starting to see that you're not as bad as they would like to believe and it enfuriates them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just remember if you did a planet check, she would be found to be from "elsewhere". So smile, enjoy the show, and you will end up being able to quote chapter and verse to the next newbie that comes here, because they all seem to read the same book. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So absolutely true JL. Very sad, but very true.

AlanK - My dday anniversary is coming up, a year in March, it took me up until a couple of months ago to truly believe that it was I, who was at fault for my A.

I had to look deep within myself and find out many things about me that led me to my choices. It is much easier to push blame on somebody else, especially when something so destructive is taking place.

I strongly believe a M can be recovered after an A, but it takes tons of change and reflection. Your W will have to look at herself and figure out the WHY in all of this, and none of it should be about you.

You contributed to the state of your M, but she chose the A, why did she choose it?????

I am a conflict avoider, therefor, I did not express my needs to my H, I did not tell OM, NO when I wanted to, when I knew better. I am a people pleaser, I wanted to please OM. I had low self esteem, I liked him building me up. I have very little worth, he made me feel special and worthy.

I'm affair proofing my M with the improvements of my character.

kyellow4,

thanks for the words of wisdom.

Every once in a while I see my W. At times it seems she is sorry for what has happened with our M.

Than wham.....she slaps me silly and back to WW. Such fun.

For whatever reason she is in and out of the fog. She is more often the WW than the W about a 92/20 split.

Yet she realy wants to spend time with me. She asks for it more than I. Odd girl, but I love her to death.

I so want her fog to lift, yet she still thinks a friendship with OM is ok. She knows when she hurts me but always has a reason to back it up.

nothing is her fault, nothing at all.

I had low self esteem, I liked him building me up. I have very little worth, he made me feel special and worthy.

That is so wonderful that you don't blame others for your Affair. How do go from this wonderful feeling back to a person who never or doesn't anymore make you feel good about yourself???

alank

Now you know why it's called a rollercoaster ride!

You just didn't know the rollercoaster ran through the House of Fright..... LOL!!!

You have the right state of mind now to endure this. You have emotionally detached from the WW, and you are ready at a moments notice to react to the W when she emerges from the fog.

That is a great place to be!

Now, find ways to "be" with your wife. Suggest, and make yourself open to her suggestions, to do things together. Dinner dates, concerts, plays, whatever she enjoys, and when you do these things together, refrain from ANY R talks. Learn to be friends with both of 'em, WW and W, because she'll vaccillate between them without any notice.

Have some fun, stay detached, and know in your heart you are in control. You have a Plan, she does not. You subtly control the direction you are moving, she is being guided by you and your plan, without even knowing it.

You've "got it". Now call up the patience to deal with it for another few weeks, and you'll watch your W emerge from the WW like the birth of a butterfly.

Best wishes,
SD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How do go from this wonderful feeling back to a person who never or doesn't anymore make you feel good about yourself???
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you asking how do I go back to my H, and no longer want the other man???


Your W's needs are being met by two men, that is why she keeps seeking you out. Her OM, doesn't meet all her needs, and sounds like he meets very little. If she is allowed to cake eat, then she will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

alank,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> yet she still thinks a friendship with OM is ok. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is classic WW behavior and fog babble. I don't know if you read the one about wayward spouses "if allowed to, would go on a cruise ship with the OP in order to say goodbye".

WWs just don't understand that what prevents them from recovering their love for their husband is the addiction to the OM. In order for the addiction to be terminated there must be NC for life. So Plan A is about negotiating NC. Negotiations end when the BS decides that it is time for Plan B. Plan B ends when NC is agreed to or, if infidelity continues, Plan D (divorce).