Okay, I admit...I'm getting easily offended by my h and being over-sensitive. I swore I was going to be the best Plan A'er this week before my Plan B but I'm being a big b*. There, I said it.

I have a lot of things going on right now (good and bad, but good outweigh the bad), but I feel like I'm going into panic mode about Plan B or something. I don't know what my problem is. I'm dreading plan b, but also can hardly wait to get there.

Okay..help please? I'll talk to him at least once more before I plan B and I need to make sure I leave this on a good note.

Maddy, once I determined to do it, plan A, even my quiet, distant version of it, became worse torture than ever.

I can scarcely imagine having continued that way. Plan B isn't making me feel much better, but it beats the hell out of the constant barrage of pain that came before.

But you also have to understand, it could mean the end.

GC

graycloud..yep, torture describes it well.

Yeah..I actually think this will be the end. I suspect i will only hear from him again when it's time to do the taxes and then when it's time to file.

Maddyk...I think Plan B in the very beginning is one of the most difficult things to do; however, think this way. Our WS's are an "addiction" to us and we do not believe that we can actually live without them. Like everything, time is the greatest factor and a BS best friend. While is is not something that I thought I could ever accomplish (I looked and managed to find every reason to "break" my Plan), once you get the momentum, it gets easier. The pain subsides, but it is up to you to make it work; remember Plan B isn't meant to save the marriage, it is meant to save "you"...if ur marriage works out then it was a double blessing.

Trust me Maddyk, I was a basketcase and nothing could ever calm me down. I made the decision that my children were more important than anything and my "falling" apart certainly wasn't going to benefit them, let alone me. Once I recognized that I really was "needed, loved, and respected" and not by H, but by those that matter, my children, things became clearer and I became stronger. Life does not always deal us the perfect hand, but eventually, things do stabilize and life does return to normal. Good Luck and remember, you are sooo important to doing a good, strong, and worthwhile Plan B...

kim

karena, thanks so much for the encouragement. While I dread Plan B..I can't wait to get there either!! I know that things will be much more peaceful for me. We've been separated for awhile so it will be easier for me than it is for some others, but I know it will still be hard. I think the biggest thing in my favor is that I'm ready for it. i'm prepared for Plan B and prepared for a divorce, should that happen. I don't feel like I've been forced into it like many others here. It's just time.

Just wish I could put on my best Plan A face right now. I guess I'm just hurting because he's not doing the one thing (calling SH for an appointment) that would keep me from going to Plan B...and that if I verbalized to him exactly why, he'd be like, "Why didn't you remind me?" I *know* that's what he'd say..and that is unacceptable to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I can understand the "dreading" Plan B thing...I don't know when the heck I'll be strong enough to do that, I honestly don't. But Plan A isn't so bad (Only been doing it a short time...before that I was floundering around for 4 months), does it get worse?? I mean you probably get tired of it, yeah? I've been plan Aing my little butt off, doing every little EN I can think of for my WH, and he seems to be sort of responding, he actually agreed to come and spend Saturday night with us.

I'm sorry that it's stressing you out knowing that plan B is on the horizon, I'm sure that's so stressful. I'll pray for you hon.

-Caren

Caren, my situation is a little different because I'm geographically very far from my husband. I don't have to deal with as much fence-sitting and chaos as you do.

I'm not so tired of Plan A...since most of my Plan A has been by phone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> What I'm tired of is not moving forward. It's stagnant. I can't stand it anymore. It's time to take the decision out of his hands and put it in mine. That gives a lot of power to my soul. Up until now it's been up to him to decide (within certain boundaries i had)..but now the boundaries are more strict and more firm...I feel that he needs to do a little Plan A'ing if he wants to work on things. I don't expect that to happen.

I'm ok with that...though I would rather have the alternative of a happy marriage with him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the prayers, Caren...you're in mine as well...mostly I hope for peace for you within yourself...and that your Plan A shows you what *you* can do for *you* and not just for him.

Maddy:

How far apart are you two and why? Just curious.

You know, I guess I sort of understand, by the time it's time for Plan B, you're probably just exhausted and sick of the whole darn thing....I can see how that could be.

I wish you luck dear, and thank you for your prayers....peace within myself is a foreign concept these days

-Caren

He's in Puerto Rico and I'm in Florida. We separated in June and this is where I chose to move to. Certainly wasn't gonna stay in Puerto Rico!!

thanks for the well wishes.

And Caren, I know it's hard for you to believe this, but you *can* achieve peace within yourself. You are holding onto your anger for dear life. I hope that you can let go of that soon--it's tearing you apart. ((Caren))

maddy, i think this sums it up when you say "I guess I'm just hurting because he's not doing the one thing (calling SH for an appointment) that would keep me from going to Plan B...and that if I verbalized to him exactly why, he'd be like, "Why didn't you remind me?" I *know* that's what he'd say..and that is unacceptable to me."

that's probably exactly what he would say and you KNOW it should be that way. call it a sign if you will that you are ready for plan B when it's all you kind of think about. you're ready but you've waited and prepared for a long time another week aint' going to kill you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> you've got lots to do right? with applying to the other college? get started on another photoalbum, or go back to the bookstores and do all that reading and drinking coffee that you were doing! remember that?

you know God works in mysterious ways and everything happens for a reason and who knows, maybe just maybe your H will call SH within the next week. no regrets right? expect the worse, hope and pray for the best, and always be prepared. hope you have a great weekend, keep us posted about school, God Bless, RR

roughroad, thank you. Geez, well I *feel* like another week is gonna kill me!! Lol..actually..I'm going to mail the letter either Sunday or Monday. That gets it to him by wed or thur and that about fits in with things. As it is, it's already too late for him to make an appt with SH. Meaning...this was his week that he would have time to do it. After this week it's going to be the "busy" excuse. I'll tell ya though, it's REALLY hard to even wait until Sunday...I want to run out today and mail it...but I shall resist!

and yeah, I've got some stuff going on and I'm actually not procratinating for once with it..grin.