Happy new year, MB'ers! Things are getting better and that should please me, but boy, I am tired.

D-day was ten months ago. Plan A lasted for seven months, then Plan B, MB seminar, false recovery, Plan B #2, and recovery (I think) since November 2. We have coached with SH for about a month. xWH has changed cell number, email address and home number and pretty much made his life transparent.

He took an overseas trip right after he started NC and then I joined him. Since he has returned, he has kept busy with shows that he works on weekends and I join him. We took a few other trips and on the last trip I learned to play golf so we are working on recreational companionship.

While we were traveling, he was great--really no signs of withdrawal. Since we have been back home, he has returned to doom and gloom. He is sarcastic and short with me last Tuesday and Wednesday--these were the days he used to see OW. Same thing this week. He is retired, healthy, sane, but has nothing to do. He complains that "nothing has changed", but will not do anything about it. Since he has nothing to do and will not do anything about it, he will probably return to what feels good and recontact OW.

I work full time and have been breadwinner of family for six years. I have offered to retire. He says he doesn't know. I had biz trip this week and I asked him to go...he declined. I worried. I have biz trip next week and I asked him to go, but he declines.

Frankly right now, I am too tired to do anything. I am tired of working so hard, and not getting any commitments. I realized he is not in a position to fill my EN's. After seeing foggy WH and seeing glimpses of old H....I remember why it was I withdrew....old H wasn't that great either. I have Plan A'd with few LB's, but I just don't have very much energy left....let alone love. I have not heard ILY since April and I certainly have not said it since maybe June. I stopped feeling any love since probably October. It is just going too slow or not going at all. I see him trying, but I am just so very tired.

I am about ready to throw in the towel. Any suggestions, MB'ers? I am really looking for help and direction. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

xWH and I coached with SH today. xWH still does not understand or believe in MB principles. He is still trial and error on his own. He believes he will be happier living overseas. I have been Plan A'ing and no LB's, but hope is fading. Unfortunately H thinks the grass is greener and he will find happiness somewhere else. I am okay with letting him go and being happy on my own or creating happiness being married to someone else. This may be one of those "forks in the road." I just don't think H will be happy anywhere or with anyone because ultimately he is unhappy with himself. It is all really very sad.

I am suppose to join H today for a show, but I just can't do it. It is storming outside and inside me. I think I will just stay home where it is safe. No pity parties...just a realization and a desire to have no more pain and disappointment. There is real suffering going on in this world for me to have to feel for a poor priviledged H.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SureSurvivor:
<strong>
Frankly right now, I am too tired to do anything. I am tired of working so hard, and not getting any commitments. I realized he is not in a position to fill my EN's. After seeing foggy WH and seeing glimpses of old H....I remember why it was I withdrew....old H wasn't that great either. I have Plan A'd with few LB's, but I just don't have very much energy left....let alone love. I have not heard ILY since April and I certainly have not said it since maybe June. I stopped feeling any love since probably October. It is just going too slow or not going at all. I see him trying, but I am just so very tired.

I am about ready to throw in the towel. Any suggestions, MB'ers? I am really looking for help and direction. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Direction?
If only I could find the recipe for that dish huh? WOW!! We'd all be eating some real direction out of this nonsense, yah think? Unfortunately, what I most have to offer is my understanding and to remind you, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, I REPEAT YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!

I too came to the same realization as you:

Pre-D-Day WW was not so great either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> In fact, our M was never 50/50 or even 60/40. I was the glue and she lived in this bubble-girl existence where FM took care of the big bad real world..lol The sad truth is we are who we are, pre-A you ignored the things you missed in your M, Post -A and beyond you began to realize (after suffering disappointment while trying to persuade WS to save the M with you) hey what the heck am I saving?????

I feel your pain, but only you know if you are trying to save you M out of FEAR of being alone, Being TOO STUBBORN to lose or out of GENUINE love and HOPE for the FUTURE with your WS. I finally realized my intentions were based moreso on the the earlier 2 ratheer than the latter third reason.

Good luck and I hope I wasn't a negative comment, more like a realistic observation of my own plight as it relates to your own sitch..at least I hope..lol

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks, FM. Your comments were not negative, they are on target. Our S's may not wake up in time. I was the same person as you....saving H from big bad world and now I guess it is time to take my own advice and take care of me. Thanks for your comments and understanding.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>