<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:54 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:55 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

DH - How are you? Are you 'sure' he's making plans with the OW? Have you just talked to OW without WH around? Does she know that you had SF over the holidays?

Will you be ready if this is true? Will your Kids be okay when there father 'leaves'?

Just some food for thought

I'm so sorry you are going through this ... I hope you had found some help here on MBers.

I'll check on ya later

Brown

Dying here -

Might be time to detach a little. That is you realize that you cannot make WH do anything, but your emotional health is no longer dependent on him. If he does go with OW, be sure HE moves out.

How are you thinking of doing Plan B if you all work together?

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:55 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:56 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

You are still very early in this. Please be sure to protect yourself financially. It might be good for them to go off together. That is when the fantasy usually ends.

Take care of yourself and your children. Let the two of them crash and burn.

Not much time tonight.

DON"T TALK TO THE OW.

What about talking to the lawyer?

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:56 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:57 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:57 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dyinghere:
<strong> Ok venting here

How is it that he can be so lovey dovey with OW right now and be so cold and distant to me.

Am i right in that he is blaming me for tying him down when all he wants is to be free. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I found out about my wifes affair in Sept '04 also. She keeps telling me "to let her go, we've had our time, get over it, I want to be left alone, I've never loved you (28 years together with 2 kids), I want to be with someone else, etc..."

I have to keep my faith and believe that the people on this site know more than I do along with Steve Harley. SH said to me "who do you honestly believe your wife is better off with, you or the OM?" I said I know she is better off with me (been together 28 years). Steve said keep on fighting until you've exhausted all remedies. If there is a 1% chance of saving your marriage would you still try and save it? I said YES.

I have thought of another Analogy. If my wife was drowning and I had a 1% chance of saving her, would I try? Of course the answer is yes, so my decision was easy.

It's just so hard to follow the MB principles and to deal with all the Drama.

Hope this helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:58 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:59 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Dying:

BROKEN RECORD HERE:

Read over your PLAN A Principles.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> feel he is really starting to resent me as i am keeping him from what he wants to do and that is be with her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You will not be able to keep him from her. You can only focus in on yourself and YOUR PLAN.

Remember he is ADDICTED TO HER. HE IS IN A FOG, A DRUNKEN STATE. THIS IS A FACT. THIS IS YOUR REALITY NOW.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">During the period of withdrawel SH says

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Withdrawal does not yet apply to your situation. Withdrawal occurs when he is not able to get access to the drug. As soon as he talks to her or sees her at all, this no longer applies. This will only apply in your situation when your WH has made a commitment to establishing NC with the OW.

What about talking to a lawyer today. You have got to get her out of the office in order for there to be NC. YOU HAVE GOT TO BUY AND UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS AN ADDICTION.

Do you get this DYING? You can't control it yourself. It makes your WH powerless over her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
It is just that right now he is so distant and cold i am at a loss. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">READ OVER PLAN A again in SURVIVING AN AFFAIR and READ WAT'S GUIDELINES again. I am so concerned about you. You are focusing on him as indicated above and that will cause you to DROWN. He is ADDICTED, OUT OF CONTROL, WITHOUT A CLUE. I'm calling on you to be the sane one by working on YOUR PLAN.

Today your plan needs to include coming up with a strategy to get her out of the office.

Please don't let yourself be sucked under. It is so hard but not every day will feel like today. You are not drowning but you are feeling overwhelmed. If there is anything at all you can do today that will make you feel the tiniest bit better - a trip to the hairdressers, a walk in the parK ANYTHING.It really upsets me how one person's selfishness has such repercussions on other people's mental health and well-being. I hope you feel better tomorrow. TT

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:59 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

I understand that you are feeling anxious and devastated. This is a traumatic experience for you especially since it is so up in your face in the office.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How to get her out of the office her contract is with WH so no lawyer is going to be able to change that, not here. I could just cancel all the patients and block off her appointment book but who is to say that WH will get a staff member to reinstate them.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you sure that you can't get her out of the office legally even if she is destroying your life? You really need to check with a lawyer about this and don't make this assumption. I would even consider the route of not scheduling her on the appointment book. Don't tell him. Just do it since you are the office manager. She is destructive for the office and her patients especially married women.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Trying to think that maybe there might be someway to confince WH </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here you go again. He is in a fog. He can't be convinced of anything.

Are there other physicians on staff? Perhaps you should let them know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My friend says that due to all the things he has done and said he does not really care for anyone but himself and that I should go to Plan B now as he will only get more resentful of me which will turn to hate she said let him go and see if everything is rosy and it is what he wants on the otherside even if he does move in with her. She came up with this on her own she does not know of this site </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't listen to your friend. Listen to us. She is not showing an understanding of the MB Principles.

How about a nice sign in front of the office that says "OW is a homewrecking, poaching _____"? Can you get it printed on the billing statements?

What does younger brother think about his older brother doing what he's doing with his lowminded person?

This doesn't sound good. This woman is playing him like a wish. He's in really deep fog. Hang on to your job and do the best you can do. Think about what YOU want.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:00 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>