dying here

I'm no expert at all this, but you have got to settle down and take a deep breath.

I don't hear that you are doing "much" of a Plan A, and if I'm right, your Plan B will be very ineffective.

Have you read Surviving and Affair and do you understand what Plan A is all about? Do you understand that you are to improve all those things about you that NEED CHANGE, as they probably contributed to your marriage being vulnerable to an affair?

Have you shown your WH the very best side of you, how great a W you are and can be? Have you been complimentary, loving, withholding all LoveBusters for the two months past D-Day?

If not, you've really not been in Plan A. Plan A also calls for exposure of the Affair. Have you exposed to all of the others at work? Have you exposed to his parents. Have you exposed to the OW's parents?

If you have done all of this, and have truly been in an effective Plan A since D-Day, then I apologize for the 2 x 4's here. However, YOU are responsible for YOUR part in all this, and YOU are responsible for how YOU react to all this. Plan A will empower you. You take charge of your life. You improve yourself. You show WH what a grand catch he's thinking of giving up.

On the other hand, regarding WH, as others have said, there is NOTHING you can SAY to influence him at this time. He's been abducted by the aliens, and he cannot speak to, or hear clearly from, humans in his life. He can only percieve influence though ACTIONS. Your ACTIONS. YOUR PLAN A actions.

Your WH has no plan. He is a lost soul. You have a Plan. Plan A. Understand it, keep it in place, and work it with a vengence. You have only been in Plan A a very short time. Give it a while longer, but set a date, and if it (in it's true form, exercised by you intensively for another 30 - 60 days) has made no impact, then go to Plan B.

You cannot survive this by waking and assuming the old "poor, pitiful me" attitude, and hoping it will all go away. You have to develop a positive, pro-active approach, and administer Plan A in a positive way, without any expectations. Unconditional Love! That's Plan A. Post here with questions and for support, but don't be sucked in to the quagmire of self doubt. Rise above it all, and stay busy doing positive things for your M and for you. Emotionally detach from your WH and treat him like the alien he's become. Do not let his moods and fog-speak alter you postive mental outlook. Make him wonder about YOU, and HOW and WHY you are so upbeat and positive.

Plan A works, I know, I've done it. Is it easy. No. But when you get the hang of it, it becomes easier. And it works. And if you love your WH it is the BEST way to reach him.

Best wishes,
SD

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:01 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:01 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:02 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Right this minute, make sure to read MORTARMAN's recent posts to GEORGIA GUY under his thread, PLAN B NOW IN EFFECT. Okay?

Also, what about consulting with that lawyer?

You are doing a SUPER PLAN A.

It's a standard part of the script for him to continue to contact her. My FWH would talk to me and the OW at the same time on different lines of his phone. CRAZY ALIENS!!!!

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:02 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

DYING:

You need to remember that you can only control yourself, not your WH or the OW. I think it's a good idea for her to move out of the office. However, that will not stop the A. It will just give him less time with her during the day.

I'm becoming frustrated by you not talking to an attorney about this.

Has your WH said anything about HIS PLAN for stopping the A?

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:04 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Great! Those are your two assignments. Ask him his plan. Consult a lawyer. Plus, I'm adding for you to go to the gym again.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:04 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:05 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

what is a course he is on..
and what are HIS reasons for staying away thursday and friday nights...

and where is he staying...

and is this usual or unusual...

ARK

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:06 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

DYING:

Don't forget your assignments. PLAN A also includes letting him know that you have an expectation for him to end the A since you want your marriage. Also, with PLAN B looming, it will be important to consult with the attorney.

What do you think about this? It seems that a need that you fulfill is for the WIFELY DUTIES like going to the dinner with friends. What if you are absent for that? Aren't you tired on Fridays from working so hard in the office? Don't you need to take a break? It's so disrespectful of for him to then leave to be with her which he will do regardless of how you want to stop him from that. It's going to happen this weekend.

Mainly, remember he wants you to be angry about it in order for him to justify it to himself. I would make sure not to give him that out. However, it is important for him to begin to respect you. That was an essential part of MY PLAN. That blew my FWH away. He wanted me to rant and rave. I began to tell him and to show him what I desired and expected. He began to value you me more.

What do you think?

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 07:30 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Hi Dying Here- My goodness these affairs certainly get entangled with the WS and OP work together! I was in the same situation with my WH.The more I thought about them together all day long the madder I got and it was almost impossible not to get in a fight with him in the limited time he WAS home! Its like a vicious circle because he would use that as a reason to run off to OW for consolation. In my situation OW kept ratcheting up the pressure for H to divorce me to be with her ASAP- why not since she was single and dying to get married and I was the cause of all his misery and finanicial responsibilities! Try try try to focus on other things to keep your anger in check. It can be so bad for your health believe me I know. How about a makeover and a massage? I lost 10 lbs the first month after d-day and bought all new clothes and makeup. Find an artistic channel to express your emotions. It can really help. Take care- lifeismessy

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:06 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:07 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

DYiNG:

It is time for battle. Are you ready for this? It's a fight for your marriage which you will win if you play this right.

You will have to do PLAN B but not quite yet. Just a few more touches on PLAN A. NO MORE RELATIONSHIP TALK. You will not talk him out of the A. He will not see anything bad about her morals or whatever. He THINKS that he is IN LOVE with her. YUK, I know. GO TO THE DINNER. Look your very best and most alluring. Play up your wifely role. PLAN TIME FOR HIM TO SPEND WITH THE CHILDREN WHERE THEY HAVE TO INDICATE THEIR NEED FOR HIM. EMPHASIZE WHATEVER CHANGES THAT YOU HAVE MADE DURING YOUR PLAN A. MAKE ALL OF YOUR LEGAL PREPARATIONS FOR PLAN B. This means consulting a lawyer, finding out how you will be able to take care of yourself financially. During PLAN B, OW will have access to his finances and he will be spending money, some of your money, on her.

DURING PLAN B you will have to GO DARK and not have any contact with him!!!! It means that you will no longer work in the office.

Do you get this???

Read this wonderful post from MORTARMAN to GEORGIA GUY:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We all questioned Plan B. It is NOT natural to do this. it is opposite of what we "feel" we should do. But you have to trust those that have been thru this...it works. Yes, it drives the WS to the OP. That is why it works!! You see, only if predicated on a good Plan A...the Plan B makes WS deal entirely with the OP. They lose EVERYTHING you provide for them. Their last thoughts of you were positive. Then they go to OP and demand that they meet the needs that you did. Afterall, the WS was giving up everything for the OP. So the least the Op could do for her is meet all of her ENs, right? But the fact is He cannot. And he will get irritated that he is being made to do so. He will not want to do this, and especially not want to hear about her whining about you!! She will LB him all over the place. In return, he will do the same. That relationship is thru, Georgia. They just dont know it yet.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly what happened in my situation.

Start a new post here entitled something like URGENT HELP NEEDED ON PLAN B. It will bring out MORTARMAN. He is the best on helping with this. He certainly helped me.

It's almost time to cease PLAN A so that we can go ahead and get this A ended by doing PLAN B.

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 10:25 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>