Ok, this is and exert from the latest email from my alien husband.......would love to hear what everyone thinks of his babble! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


"It is up to us to create a loving, supportive environment for DS so that he will not be just another kid from a broken marriage. This is why I refuse to say the word divorce but rather dissolution. I refuse to! Thanks to irresponsable, uncaring parents that divroce in this society that it has been tagged with such a negative stigma thru the eyes of a child , bitter ex husbands and wives and the general population. I have accepted that of course you will eventually be with someone else. I have accpeted that DS will eventually have another person in his life known as a husband to you and a support to DS himself in some ways. I am not going to block this from you.
I want you to feel secure and happy and I will try to create that for you. At the same time I also have to protect myself and my future as well."

HI TR! I was just doing a little lurking before work this morning. I admit I don't have anything constructive to tell you but I just had to comment on this load of c**p from your WH.

I don't mean to make light of your situation, but I got a good chuckle out of that e-mail. I've read a LOT of babble from WS on this board, but this is the best one I've come across in a long time(or worst depending on how you look at it)! Maybe the reason it struck me so is because it reminds me of my WW so much. Take care!

Hey Tree - dissolution. Explain that one to your son. Well darling boy, your dad and I aren't getting a divorce, instead we're having a dissolution. I'm sure he'll feel better having two parents who are dissolved than divorced. What utter garbage.

Now this is what I truly believe. You are a beautiful lady (assuming that picture on the photo thread really is you!). You are also a wonderful mother and a very caring person. It is so evident from your posts. One of these days, you will meet someone else and, armed with all the wonderful knowledge you have learnt from this MB site, you will create a new family and be a wonderful wife. It is your husband's loss and it is only when this happens and you move on with your life, that his eyes will open and he will acknowledge he was a fool to let you go. I am in the same place as you (but am not quite so gorgeous). What the hell do you do. Sit around waiting for them maybe to come back with their tails between their legs, or move on to a new phase in your life. I hope you find the strength to give him a wide berth. What does he mean "I'm not going to block this from you". Isn't that nice of him. Write back and tell him you've met someone else on the internet. He doesn't need to know that Tummytuck is a girl!!

Truthfully?

I think he's a horse's a$$ and is full of what a horse's rear is full of.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I want you to feel secure and happy and I will try to create that for you. At the same time I also have to protect myself and my future as well."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Double talk to make himself feel better.

I wonder if OW is the mental that's telling him these lines? Does he really think she's that clever - does he really think he's that clever that you'd believe this bs?

I told my C the other day what I'd told Nio a while ago:

"You can dress it up and present it to me on a silver platter and tell me it tastes like chocolate, but it's still bull-$hit you're handing me. I won't ever believe otherwise."

She almost fell out of her chair laughing.

You can use that in your reply if you want...not that that mental regurgitation is worthy of a reply.

((((TR)))))

- Kimmy

I agree with all of you.....Bull cr@p! I swear...I don't know if this man will ever come out of the fog, he's in so deep!

Tummytuck....yes, that's really me on the photo thread. LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I have no idea what he means when he says he won't "block this from me". You're so right buddy...you WON'T! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dealan-de....I love your quote. I'll have to use that one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm sorry, Tree, but I'm a scientist, and the urge to dissect these words is irresistable.

So divorce isn't the problem! The word "divorce" is what hurts children.

Whoops, let me wipe up the milk that just came out my nose. Just a sec... Okay.

And the reason it hurts them is because it makes them feel crummy, because it has a negative connotation resulting from the behavior of all those bad, irresponsible, angry "divorcers".

And unlike them, the two of you are going to be happy, cooperative, chummy "dissolvers".

Or, another way of rewriting what he said...

"As long as you, Tree, smile and cooperate, the destruction I've wrought will not hurt our son."

Or...

"If this divorce hurts our son, it's your fault for being unsettled by it."

Wow, he is the master of double-talk!

GC

GC...you made me laugh! You are so right. He wants me to think like him and then everything will be just fine! He's in for a rude awakening. God...I can't wait for the day when he actually comes out of the FOG...although maybe he never will. I really do think this girl is brainwashing him. They sound perfect for each other. LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tree, I just wrote to you on your other thread. Well, once again your H didn't disappoint me. Sorry, but mocking your H out is almost as enjoyable as when I used to mock OW out after reading the letters she had given to H. Especially loved the religious cards in which she spoke of God bringing them together.

Speaking as a professional in the mental health field, your WH is operating on such an unconscious level it's amazing. He is using every defense mechanism there is to protect him from the truth. "Denial" of his actions (affair) being the reason your family is breaking up. "Minimizing" the effects of his actions, which will have a profuond effect on his son, by pretending you aren't getting Ded, you are getting dissolved. "Avoidance" of what is really going on. It isn't about you one day having another man in your life, it's about him having an OW while still Med. "Projection", meaning that when he talks about DS having another person in his life, and he accepts this and won't block it, he really is talking about himself. Ds is going to have OW in his life and I don't want you Tree to block that. I can probably think of a few other defense mechanisms.

Tree, you can be assured of one thing. If your WH ever becomes conscious, the truth about his life is going to bowl him over. He has to be using all of these defense mechanisms for a reason. If he really felt so spiritual and wonderful about his actions, he wouldn't be coming up with all this crap to justify his actions. Honey, if you want revenge, all you have to do is sit back and watch.

By the way, his last sentence is the only truthful thing he said in the whole friggin letter. It's all about him. If you were to write him back I think I would just say "Whatever!" CV

Tree,

Wow, your post hit home with me! My WW often talks of how divorce shouldn't be bad and how society has put a stigma on it. About how we are so engaged with our two sons that they will be brought up healthy even if we get a divorce. What a load of BS! (Note that I am working my Plan A but my wife feels we should discuss all alternatives as we move forward...) The fog is sooo thick sometimes.

My thoughts go out to you!

-- Pak23

Treelady, I've just noticed your log-in number and am confused. This has nothing to do with your post but I thought your D-day was the same as BobP's which was only last July. So how come your login is no 4931. That would indicate you've been a member for years? TT

CV
Thanks for breaking it down. It just amazes me what the WH will say while in the FOG. Does he really believe this cr@p? I used to think he was so level headed. This OW is breaking up a family and he finds this attractive? The last time I talked to him he started crying on the phone when I said I would one day meet someone and eventually get married again. He didn't seem to be too happy about that. What does he expect? He wants me to sit around and pine away for him? NOT!!!! He says he's different now....well so am I. I am no longer his victim and will be just fine without him.
I think he has a hard time accepting that...although he would never admit it.
You are right....I can just sit back and watch his destruction because it will come.

CV
Thanks for breaking it down. It just amazes me what the WH will say while in the FOG. Does he really believe this cr@p? I used to think he was so level headed. This OW is breaking up a family and he finds this attractive? The last time I talked to him he started crying on the phone when I said I would one day meet someone and eventually get married again. He didn't seem to be too happy about that. What does he expect? He wants me to sit around and pine away for him? NOT!!!! He says he's different now....well so am I. I am no longer his victim and will be just fine without him.
I think he has a hard time accepting that...although he would never admit it.
You are right....I can just sit back and watch his destruction because it will come.

Beam him up!

Scotty

TT...yea...I joined in 2000...we had some problems in the past but I thought we worked through those...apparently not. My D-day was this past July, like Bob. I know...a little confusing.

TT...yea...I joined in 2000...we had some problems in the past but I thought we worked through those...apparently not. My D-day was this past July, like Bob. I know...a little confusing.

sorry for the double post....how do I delete one?

I thought my computer had an echo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

LOL! I don't know why it does that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tree,

That was the saddest thing I've ever read. I had to read it twice to make sure I was reading what I thought I was. He made absolutely no sense and is totally trying to rationalize because of the guilt that he feels....that boy's about to come unglued.

My WH is really short with me on the phone sometimes, he'll be really snippy and nasty with me. I don't yell at him or react like he's hurting me, I simply tell him "Do you hear yourself? You're being very nasty and I've done nothing to you." He'll apologize and say "I guess that's just who I am now." What a crock of crap...that's just who you are now...what in the hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe he was a caterpillar, and now he's a butterfly....who knows.

-Caren

Tree, after d-day, when my H was still soooo in-love with OW and so scared about maybe giving up the love of his life, he still could somehow see the following. He could not deny that she was deceitful and had encouraged him to be also. He also couldn't deny that I have never been deceitful. He also had a previous IC, our MC, and then a new IC tell him point blank the statistics of how few As work out. As much as he didn't want to believe any of it, these facts stuck with him enough that he wasn't willing to risk his life for a maybe fantasy. So I guess after d-day there was enough cracks in my H's defense mechanisms for him to see a bit more clearly than your H. Your H, on the other hand, is in pure denial. But I think there is something that is cracking through the fog. As I said, he wouldn't be trying so hard to justify his actions, and make them sound so noble, if he was just so fine with everything. When you are able to talk to him I would just say something like what I used to say to my H. "If you are so happy, go follow your bliss." Why is he trying to convince you of anything?

My H never left so my story is a bit different. I didn't have to go dark like you have. But I did have to deal with some horrible fogtalk and withdrawal. I just kept pointing out the reality. Example, I think before he fired OW, in the beginning of the truthtelling, he said something like if our M ended it wouldn't be because of his feelings for OW. He also said we would still be friends. My response was, "If our M ends it will be because you had an A. We wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for the A. And if you leave me for OW, there ain't no way in the world we're gonna be friends, ever again." I think that shocked the SH** out of him.

During his withdrawal, when I would get fed up with it, I'd ask him to picture a future with OW and then to picture me out of his life forever. He could never picture it.

I know you have done everything you could possibly do to salvage your M. Judging from the cruel words you quoted the OW saying on your other thread, your H is ending up with a real winner. He will see her true nature eventually.