I thought that if it wasn't that might excuse his baffling babble. So now he's got no excuse!! That second email is hard to get a grip on so I'll leave it to you. TT

TT
Tell me about it. His emails make no sense to me. He just goes on and on.....
Actually got another one today...just as confusing.
He told me today in the email that he has a long "sorry" letter to give me but is waiting for the right time???? WTF????

He also said that he can never be truly happy until I'm happy again. That shows some guilt don't ya think??? I thought he said he was guilt free.........hmmmmmmm!

TR: Though I try very hard to be compassionate towards WSs and everyone else, the first e-mail from your WS was so amazing that I laughed hard. That's really rare for me. The second e-mail.... errr, well, I read one thing that is universally true (the only anger you can really deal with is your own, so you might as well) and a whole lot that didn't really make any sense to me. Is your WH maybe, uhm, well, maybe he was typing really quickly with OW ranting in the background?

Orchid: You said, "...which included not talking or seeing me for 1 year and dropping off our then 6 year old son in a nuetral place..... like an empty parking lot so the WS would not have to interact with myself or our relatives/friends..."

Though I know that much of what your OW did was pretty nutty, but isn't this really similar to the heart of Plan B? There are plenty of folks here who've done exactly this kind of thing to their spouses when they had finally had enough. And there are plenty of recoverede marriages where the WS did this to the OP on a permanent basis. I'd say that crazy or not, the OW was smart enough to know that you had to be out of the picture for his roller coaster to end, and she wanted to be on the "winning" side.

JustJ...
Maybe OW was sitting there with him but personally I think he's just lost his flippin mind!!!
He sends me emails constantly from OW's house. Wonder how that makes her feel? Not that I give a sh*t.....just shows he has no respect for her either.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just J:
<strong> ....Orchid: You said, "...which included not talking or seeing me for 1 year and dropping off our then 6 year old son in a nuetral place..... like an empty parking lot so the WS would not have to interact with myself or our relatives/friends..."

Though I know that much of what your OW did was pretty nutty, but isn't this really similar to the heart of Plan B? There are plenty of folks here who've done exactly this kind of thing to their spouses when they had finally had enough. And there are plenty of recoverede marriages where the WS did this to the OP on a permanent basis. I'd say that crazy or not, the OW was smart enough to know that you had to be out of the picture for his roller coaster to end, and she wanted to be on the "winning" side. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JustJ,

My son was 6 at the time. OW's conditions did not require my son be dropped off in a safe manner. Her conditions where to leave my child in a solitary place to ensure that no one from WS' family or his friends could be seen or heard.

Of course the OW wanted t/b on the winning side (if that is what you call winning). In her warped mind she wanted full control and to call any shots only enhanced her stance.

Also the fact would have been that transferring my child would have been at night. Not safe for any child t/b in a dark parking lot at night. Much less in his jammies and out in the cold.

OW didn't have anyone's interest in mind except her own. I was not then nor now, agree with any crazy stipulations.

BTW, plan B is implemented by the BS. OWs don't implement plan B on the BS. There are other harsh words to describe when a non family member intrudes in this manner.

TR, your H is babbling again. Don't fall for it. If the OW is screaming in the background it is only a matter of time that she resorts to another means which will make her presence even more known. That w/b your key to react. In the meantime, take care. Don't get caught up in his fog babble.

BTW, if he is soooo happy why does he have to try and convince you sooo much? C/b he doesn't even believe his babble? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Oh... by HIMSELF??? I thought you just meant a parking lot transition, which happens all the time with kids whose parents can't deal with each other's homes. Oh. By himself. Oh yuck yuck yuck. Right. That is, in fact, not sane. Glad you clarified that.

Yuck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> Ok, this is and exert from the latest email from my alien husband.......would love to hear what everyone thinks of his babble! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


"It is up to us to create a loving, supportive environment for DS[/b]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I've heard such environments were called "marriages" or "families".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so that he will not be just another kid from a broken marriage.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We can make him into a "special kid" from a broken marriage...yayyyyyy!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why I refuse to say the word divorce but rather dissolution. I refuse to!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell that to the the "divorce" attorney and the judge, see how they like this display of anti-intellectualism. And where did he find a "dissolution" attorney from anyway?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks to irresponsable, uncaring parents that divroce in this society that it has been tagged with such a negative stigma thru the eyes of a child , bitter ex husbands and wives and the general population.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How dare those irresponsible people corrupt such a beautiful institution as divorce!!!!! It is disgusting how man discriminates right from wrong and good from bad; why can't we just remove moral values from reality and call what I want "good"??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have accepted that of course you will eventually be with someone else. I have accpeted that DS will eventually have another person in his life known as a husband to you and a support to DS himself in some ways. I am not going to block this from you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Under the circumstances of common divorce, you would be free to act as you wish, but under the rules of "dissolution", I must grant you absolution.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want you to feel secure and happy and I will try to create that for you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By having an affair, withholding child support, and drastically altering the lives of you and our son. You will thank me later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[b]At the same time I also have to protect myself and my future as well." </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where is my crack pipe????

LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Goodness Tree, what a fun thread you started!

tree..

you know you really should...

block emails to your house from the OW house..
and seriously consider blocking those from his place...
whatever hole that may be in...

he can still use the phone....cell phone for contact...

but the chances of someone verbally dialoging this nonsense is a lot less...

it is IRONIC the amount of energy and time he is spending concocting these sentiments to you...very funny that many are from the OW house...

he is starting to sound a little obsessive...
block the OW emails...
block his....
go to phone calls only...where you can hang UP!!

I get it though..

he's very very deep.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ARK

Hey Tree:

Been across the country and unavailable to MB until this morning. I read this post with interest as I've lived the same script. I finally told WXW that the only topic we needed to discuss was DD. As we had no more "personal" relationship - there was no reason to discuss anything personal. It stopped the babble and ridiculous amount of stress. You might enjoy knowing that WXW is now dealing with OM moving back in with his W. Oh, by the way; he also has another GF and is lying about it to WXW. Soon sparks will fly, no doubt about it.

Continue to hang tough and take care of DS! Good Luck

FR

Thanks for all the advice and the laughs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't even know what to say anymore about this wacked out, fogged out, crazy WH of mine! He in so deep that he can't even see what's wrong from right anymore.
My lawyer sent him a letter telling him he needed to start paying back child support.....he still hasn't!!! He thinks he won't have to. Boy, I guess he'll go to jail then.

I think the toughest thing for me is seperating the man I once knew with this shallow alien that he has become. Please somebody tell me that he will wkae up one day and realize what he missed out on. I will get some satisfaction in that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DBL post

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: TreeReich ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
He also said that he can never be truly happy until I'm happy again. That shows some guilt don't ya think??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, I disagree that statement does NOT show guilt. It shows EGO!

HE feels that HE is responsible for bringing YOU happiness despite what he has done.

Ego I think, not guilt.

Pep

PS added:

Turn this around to fully see the ego this represents.

Imagine yourself saying the same thing to him.... see what I mean? This is your WH's way to control you by implying your level of discontent is holding HIM back. So shape up!

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Yea...you are probably right Pep. He does have an EGO the size of Texas!!!!!

Why does he care if I'm happy or not if he's so happy??? He just ticks me off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Tree:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think the toughest thing for me is seperating the man I once knew with this shallow alien that he has become. Please somebody tell me that he will wkae up one day and realize what he missed out on. I will get some satisfaction in that! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could tell you that he will "come around". But I cannot! I do hope that you're able to deal with the situation regardless of what WH does though. Once you're able to let-go emotionally, your focus will become crystal clear once again.

Someone posted earlier that there was a character-flaw (paraphrasing) involved here. That is a statement I agree with. I feel sure that the psych involved is complex and probably stems from unmet childhood needs or disaster. However, I refuse to allow that to be an excuse for my WXW's (or anyone elses) behavior. I still love who I thought she was and perhaps always will. I feel sad for the person she has become but wish her the best; however she may never allow herself to realize the damage that she's caused so many. I am now OK with that as well and live each day for my DD's. If I find love again, great. If I don't, I'm fine with that also. I wish the same for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FR

Yea...you are probably right Pep. He does have an EGO the size of Texas!!!!!

Why does he care if I'm happy or not if he's so happy??? He just ticks me off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Tree:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think the toughest thing for me is seperating the man I once knew with this shallow alien that he has become. Please somebody tell me that he will wkae up one day and realize what he missed out on. I will get some satisfaction in that! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could tell you that he will "come around". But I cannot! I do hope that you're able to deal with the situation regardless of what WH does though. Once you're able to let-go emotionally, your focus will become crystal clear once again.

Someone posted earlier that there was a character-flaw (paraphrasing) involved here. That is a statement I agree with. I feel sure that the psych involved is complex and probably stems from unmet childhood needs or disaster. However, I refuse to allow that to be an excuse for my WXW's (or anyone elses) behavior. I still love who I thought she was and perhaps always will. I feel sad for the person she has become but wish her the best; however she may never allow herself to realize the damage that she's caused so many. I am now OK with that as well and live each day for my DD's. If I find love again, great. If I don't, I'm fine with that also. I wish the same for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FR

Tree:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think the toughest thing for me is seperating the man I once knew with this shallow alien that he has become. Please somebody tell me that he will wkae up one day and realize what he missed out on. I will get some satisfaction in that! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could tell you that he will "come around". But I cannot! I do hope that you're able to deal with the situation regardless of what WH does though. Once you're able to let-go emotionally, your focus will become crystal clear once again.

Someone posted earlier that there was a character-flaw (paraphrasing) involved here. That is a statement I agree with. I feel sure that the psych involved is complex and probably stems from unmet childhood needs or disaster. However, I refuse to allow that to be an excuse for my WXW's (or anyone elses) behavior. I still love who I thought she was and perhaps always will. I feel sad for the person she has become but wish her the best; however she may never allow herself to realize the damage that she's caused so many. I am now OK with that as well and live each day for my DD's. If I find love again, great. If I don't, I'm fine with that also. I wish the same for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He does have an EGO the size of Texas!!!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't you be bringing Texas into this, missy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'll sic Mel on ya!

I just gotta say, "what a complete and total fartknocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Love ya Tree!

Fishracer,
I do agree that there may be a character flaw but I also agree that it is not an excuse. People choose to do good or choose to do wrong. He knew what he was doing would hurt me and our son. He seems to think that our son won't be affected by any of this. I truly don't know how he can think that. What is wrong with this man?

I truly hope that I do find love again. I know I can do it on my own and like who I am and am also very proud of myself but......I do want to have love in my life. I miss having love and romance in my life and look forward to having it all again one day. You will too! I know there is someone out there for all of us!!!