Pepperband--Stanley is making our relationship unbearable with his childish demands of sex every night!!! He does not care if I get pleasure or not, he just cares about his own need!! He is inmature to the max!! He throws love busters left and right my way!!! He accuses me of thinking what I am not!!! He needs help !! Can you please talk to him>>???

Thank you.

Myrta

<small>[ January 08, 2005, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: Myrta ]</small>

Whoa, Myrta!! LB'ing a little bit yourself here with these DJ's. I'd be mortified if my spouse made a post in this manner.

MADDYK--You should live with Stanley for a few days as his FWW and you would have gone insane!!

maddyk:
Obviously Myrta is upset. Why make it worse?? Recovery is entailed of sex within the marriage, so let her talk about it and get advice... I don't think that your reply was very helpful.

Myrta:
Sorry you're going through this. Obviously sex after D Day takes some getting used to. It's a whole new ball game, and WS' as well as BS' end up walking on eggshells for a while. There has to be some kind of agreement within the M for sex--the amount of it, the timing of it, etc. MC has helped my H and I enormously, with coming to those determinations. Sounds as if Stanley is using nightly sex to reassure himself, IMO...

CC

STANLEY:
Here's your 2x4!! I don't like to pull them out too often, but you're sounding more insecure lately and I can't figure out why! Myrta's been there for you, with you. She's stopped all contact with the OM. She doesn't ever talk about him. Believe me, she doesn't even think about him, and she considers the A to be her biggest mistake! So, why then would you be feeling so insecure as to desperately NEED sex nightly??

If you and Myrta had sex nightly before the A and before D Day, this might be more understandable. But when you mention SF, I'm convinced that you're equating it with a more perfect vision of your M. Believe me, nightly sex doesn't make the M perfect! Talking, rebuilding, caring does.

Okay, so here's my point (and you can take it for what it's worth!), you BOTH have to come to some kind of agreement regarding sex. Myrta has been more than accomodating during the past few months, and I'm sure that you've loved every minute of it, but how long can she keep it up?? I hear her sounding tired from being woken up by you. She sounds drained sometimes! I don't know how you're functioning at work, but you sound like young teenagers!!

So, why not talk with Myrta and possibly come up with some plan on how often you *both* need SF?? Do you hear how Myrta sounds today? Do you want her to be fearful of going to bed because you'll insist on SF? That's not what you want! You want it to be MUTUAL and mutually satisfying. Stop being so selfish, and please don't punish her for the A by insisting on SF nightly if she's not totally into it.

Hope you give it some thought. Sorry for butting in here, but I hate to hear Myrta sounding so upset when she's been trying everything to repair and rebuild the M. Agreement and resolution of all aspects of the M are what's most important in recovery, IMO.

CC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Stanley is making our relationship unbearable</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Affair fallout really sucks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> childish demands of sex every night!!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"childish" This is a DJ Myrta.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he just cares about his own need!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think you understand what his actual need is Myrta. Here's a hint... it is NOT sex. It is reassurance and some sense of control over his own life. He does not know for sure what is "real" about his life and what has been "fake".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is inmature to the max!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"immature" Another DJ ... a pretty big one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He throws love busters left and right my way!!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what is your reaction to his LBs? Do you defend your ego with a LB thrown right back at him maybe? Your reactions to his insecurities might drive him toward more insecure behavior. How can YOU calm him down Myrta? By remaining calm, loving, reassuring, and gentle.

YOU be the lighthouse Myrta, not the wind of the storm.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He accuses me of thinking what I am not!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course he does Myrta. He's discovered that he did not really know you. He has lost confidence in himself and his ability to predict his wife's thoughts and behaviors. You did what he thoiught you were incapable of doing, and so he has no idea exactly where your boundaries actually are. He's thrashing around .... in pain.

He needs reassurance FROM YOU ... over and over and over. Patience is yours for the taking Myrta.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He needs help !! Can you please talk to him>>???</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not unless he asks me to.

Pep

I'm sorry Myrta, I know that you didn't ask for my opinion or help but I posted the following to VM and I thought that it just MAY apply to you as well:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear Dr. Harley:

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We married right after graduation, and had our first daughter almost immediately. When our daughter was two years old, and I was 20 years old, I had sex with another man, just once, after which I felt terrible. My husband was very hurt, but we reunited and stayed together. Then, we had two more children.

After much contemplation, I feel that the reason I had sex with the other man (who I have not seen again since), was that I felt neglected and unattractive. The largest mistake I made back then, I feel, was not communicating those feelings to my husband, before I took it upon myself to be with another man to make me feel admired and attractive.

Over 10 years has passed. However, through the years, my husband has never forgotten about this. It is as fresh in his mind today as if it just happened. I feel in my heart that I have truly learned from that past experience. I was young, foolish and immature. But whenever we have a disagreement, particularly when I don't feel like having sex with him, he brings it back up. I have had to live with the reminder of my mistake, many, many times in the past 10 years.

We have had many loving, close moments since then. Along, with many arguments, always leading to my past infidelity, and the fact that I can never be trusted again. But have never separated, and have always been strong, loving parents to our children.

Please lend advice if you can. My husband is my best friend, and I know that our love runs deep for each other, as well as for our family. What can I do to help him and us get over my mistake.

S.R.


Using resentment as a way to control and punish a spouse.

I'm convinced that what's kept the resentment of S.R.'s husband alive for so many years is that he has found it to be an effective way to control and punish her whenever she doesn't do what he wants. Whenever they have a fight, he brings it up, and it causes her such guilt that it gives him a decided advantage in winning the argument.

By this time, I don't believe that her affair is the problem that she thinks it is. Instead, it is an issue that her husband is using to get the upper hand in his relationship with her. It probably shows up the most whenever she has been reluctant to have sex with him. It throws her off balance whenever he mentions it, and makes her feel guilty, wanting to make it up to him somehow. He may also bring it up whenever she is winning in a power struggle he is having with her.

What she describes to me in her letter is abuse, pure and simple. There is no excuse for the way her husband keeps bringing up her moment of weakness she experienced years ago. He is disrespectful and abusive.

I suggest that she look him right in the eye and say to him, "Listen Buster, do you love me? Do you want me to love you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? If the answers to any of those questions is 'yes' you sure are going about it the wrong way. You are not doing things that I admire, you're doing things that I find disgusting!"

What if he says, "Fine, then lets just get a divorce and end it all."

To that I would say, "It's up to you. I married you for life, but if you want a divorce, it's your call. If you want to be in a love relationship with me, however, you're going to have to treat me much better than you have been treating me. You must never again bring up my affair, and if you are upset with me, you will have to treat me with respect until we can solve the problem. If you are upset with our sexual relationship, I want us to discuss it as adults and solve it with mutual respect. I refuse to be treated like this, especially by the man I love."

My advice to her husband is to never mention her affair again. It's a good example of one of the enemies of good conversation, dwelling on past mistakes. Whenever you keep bringing up your spouses past mistakes, you not only make your conversations incredibly unpleasant, but it cannot possibly lead to a resolution of a conflict you may be discussing. And as soon as his resentment doesn't pay him any dividends -- no longer helps him get his way -- he will find that it hardly ever occurs to him.

Hanging on to an unpleasant thought because it helps us somehow is what psychologists call "secondary gain." It means that even though the thought is unpleasant, it gets you something you need, so your mind keeps it around for its usefulness. There are many unpleasant thoughts that have this characteristic, and I have helped many people let them go by helping them destroy the usefulness of the thought. Making sure that S.K.'s husband never gets what he wants by bringing up her affair will help him overcome his resentment.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta there comes a time, when a BS OR a WS, has to put his/her foot down and say "enough". Respectfully, calmly and quietly ask Stanley to please do some serious soul searching and ask himself if he isn't using resentment as a way to control and punish you and leave him alone to ponder your words. Hopefully he will, and stop his disrespectful behavior towards you.

TMCM

PEPPERBAND-YOU THink I sound childish?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> My husband is driving me crazy, I dont know what to do anymore to please him. When I dont give in to him, he tells me that if I dont give in, he is going to have to look for another woman. He has told me this several times. HOw do you think I feel? Pepper, I reasssure him over and over, I give him affection, tenderness thru the day, but nothing is enough if I dont have sex with him every night!!!

TMCM- Thank you so much for that excerpt you sent. I think he is just like that man. He wants me to feel guilty allthe time of the affair, and I do!!! And likes to put too much pressure on me to do it. That totally turns me off!! He does not let me be relax EVER!!! I appreciate your input as a man TMCM. YOu are very nice and you had the smarts to "stop and smell the coffee" and not to "sweat the small stuff"

Thank you so much!!


MYRTA

CC-Buttercup- I will talk to you later online.I am going to see my oldest daughter now!

PEPPERBAND-YOU THink I sound childish?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

NO, I think you sound frustrated. And ANGRY. Neither of these are wrong to feel. But neither emotion is very useful for problem solving.


My husband is driving me crazy, I dont know what to do anymore to please him.

I don't think you need to please him. I think you need to problem solve.

Identify the problem correctly.

Brainstorm possible solutions.

Try implimenting various solutions.

A marriage counselor is needed here, in my opinion.

This problem is bigger than reassurances Myrta... something is broken, and neither of you are well equiped with the tools to fix it properly.

Get real-life help...

Call the Harleys. REALLY!

((( hugs )))

Pep

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

OK

I don't pressure Myrta as much as she says even though I would like more SF. The problem is that if Myrta knows I want more SF------- she feels pressured.

I don't want to rub the affair in her face. That would be foolish from my part and detrimental to the marriage. However, any miniscule remark I make is going to me magnified.

For the record I only woke her up for SF once or twice in seven months and we have SF about twice a week. Pretty much the same frequency before the affair. However, before the affair Myrta was more receptive to love making and I did not want daily SF.

So now Myrta is less receptive and I want more frequency. In this instance usually the person who wants it less has the upper hand and I have no problem with that.

This argument started because I felt like having SF after Myrta gave me indications late in the evening that she was willing to have SF. She walked into the bathroom when I was finishing taking a shower, took her clothes off and flirted with me. OK, so shoot me--------- I misinterpreted her flirting.

We had this argument before. I scaled back and then Myrta complained that I did not seek her in bed. It is a no win situation---- Myrta is very sensitive to whatever I say or do. If I pay attention to her I am overwhelming if I am aloof I don’t care for her. I really don’t know how to act around her as things are not natural anymore. The relationship has a major wound that has left me insecure. I believe my insecurity causes me to want SF regularly. Perhaps if we had other ENs such as conversation or leisure time together things would be better.

Sure, sometimes I feel like throwing the towel. Who wants all this aggravation at my age? However, I gave Myrta my word that I was going to stay married to her and make the marriage work. I have forgiven her, but that is not enough for her. She interprets every move I make as retribution. Far from the truth!

If I give up and end up in divorce I will never be able to live with myself knowing that perhaps my actions caused harm to my kids and Myrta. I truly want this to work, but I often wonder is the affair damage can ever be repaired.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 10:33 AM: Message edited by: Stan-ley ]</small>

Myrta,

I also second Pep's advice to get marriage counseling with pro-marriage professionals like the Harleys or Penny Tupy [from Save Your Marriage Central]. Here's a couple of links that may interest you:

The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage.
Marriage Builders Counseling Service.
Save Your Marriage Central .
The ENQ(Emotional Needs Questionaire) .
The LBQ(Love Busters Questionaire) .

Even if Stanley does not want to do MC, you do it. Remember the old mantra "Actions speak louder than words" and nothing would speak louder than you taking the initiative to go to MC.

Lastly, you may want to remind Stanley of JL's motto:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.

TMCM

TMCM:
Wow! Good posts there! I could see that some BS' use the A to get what they need. Very interesting!

Stanley:
You said, "Perhaps if we had other ENs such as conversation or leisure time together things would be better." Yup! I think you hit the nail on the head! I think that MC would have helped you both enormously, AND some other leisure activities (besides just SF) would have helped you both along the road to recovery. I realize how busy you are, and it's difficult to plan leisure time together, especially when you have children at home, but it's important. Recovery is about both of you.

Some of your statements are contrary to what Myrta has stated, so it's a "he said, she said" kind of deal. We shouldn't really get too involved. There should be a MC involved to help you both reach amicable solutions.

You both seem to care about the repair of your M and you both get it out there when you're upset, so that's healthy. Communication is key. You just need to reach healthy conclusions about your SF's and both of your EN's. Good luck!!

CC

(Myrta-I'll ttyl. I'll be in and out all day today!)

Stanley,

Affair or no affair Myrta was, is and always will be a WOMAN. A great many women [if not the vast majority of them] lose all desire for sex because they resent that the men they love seem to seek them out only when they want sex with them. Now I don't know you personally so I don't know if you are one of those men, only you and Myrta know that for sure. As for me, I love giving my W attention and affection without it becoming a prelude to imminent sex. Sex for me and my W starts WAY before the two of us are in bed naked. It may be days before the act gets consumated but when it does, it is one of the most beautiful experiences we can share with one another. It's a good thing for me too Stanley because at 47 I am no longer a 'stud' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> that can 'rise' to the occasion at a moments notice. I really hope that you think about what I said because the keys to your happiness and Myrta's are within each other.

TMCM

TMCM, et al:

With Myrta you never know. You may spend a beautiful evening seeing a show, having dinner in a wonderful restaurant, being romantic, ect and then that night she passes out. OTOH, it may one mundane evening (in the middle of the week) quite late and I need to get up early to go to work and she is in the mood.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: Stan-ley ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Myrta is very sensitive to whatever I say or do. If I pay attention to her I am overwhelming if I am aloof I don’t care for her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta ... this seems reasonable. Try and find a way to be less sensitive to small things. Give Stan some room so he can feel his feelings without worrying he's going to offend you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps if we had other ENs such as conversation or leisure time together things would be better.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like a winning idea to me !!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She interprets every move I make as retribution. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come on Stan, "every move" cannot be factual. Make sure you do not resort to hyperbole Stan. Doing this leaves Myrta no room to move either.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I truly want this to work, but I often wonder is the affair damage can ever be repaired.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it can.

You need a third party Stan. You and Myrta haven't learned how to "fight fair". You're apparently equally unskilled at getting your message across without making sure there is NOT a verbal "zinger" attached .... like "is the affair damage ever repaired". THAT was a zinger Stan. And it increases Myrta's anxiety and her insecurity and she reacts by becoming more critical of you.

Just stop it.

Pep

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepperband:

Thanks for your input and pointing out the stingers.

IMHO, my problem has to do with SF.

For the record I have never been addicted to sex or shown an obsession with SF. In fact I even waited until I got married to have SF with Myrta. Many times she have told me she wanted me to have SF when I 1st met her as a young teen, but I resisted the temptation and waited until we were married. I was a virgin, so I guess it was easy to wait.

The problem I have is that Myrta’s affair was all about SF. Shortly after D-day Myrta confirmed that she convinced herself she loved OM so she would not feel guilty about wanting SF. I read the very descriptive emails and I know SF was exceptional.

It is unavoidable that I am going to feel dejected and sad whenever Myrta does not want SF with me. She never denied SF to the OM despite very adverse conditions. This is a very tough hurdle for me.

double

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO, my problem has to do with SF.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I disagree... but I'll play for a minute.

OK, Stan, you are not good in the sack. At least you are not as good as OM.

Now what? How does this help recover your marriage?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For the record</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For the record???? Is this a contest to have things for the record?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have never been addicted to sex or shown an obsession with SF.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No one thinks you are a sex addict Stan. You want good sex with your wife, the woman you love. That's what "we" all think ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> for the record.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In fact I even waited until I got married to have SF with Myrta. Many times she have told me she wanted me to have SF when I 1st met her as a young teen, but I resisted the temptation and waited until we were married. I was a virgin, so I guess it was easy to wait.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem I have is that Myrta’s affair was all about SF.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect Dr. Stan ... affairs are generally about pleasure, and sometimes sex is a part of that, and sometimes talking dirty is a part of that, and sometimes talking silly romance is a part of that ... but if it was only about sex (the in-and-out of penetration) , it probably would not have been too attractive to a woman like Myrta, who really seeks admiration .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shortly after D-day Myrta confirmed that she convinced herself she loved OM so she would not feel guilty about wanting SF.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hers was an average affair Stan. You hear me? AVERAGE! Typical run-of-the-mill temporary infatuation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I read the very descriptive emails and I know SF was exceptional.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes. I am sure it was. My H's affair involved exceptional sex. And.... so?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is unavoidable that I am going to feel dejected and sad</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">STOP right there... when you pre-determine what emotion you are UNAVOIDABLY going to feel ... you bury recovery. YOU bury it Stan, NOT Myrta.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">whenever Myrta does not want SF with me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, you just boxed your wife into the position of agreeing to sex with you when she does not feel up to it.

STAN .... are you sure this is the recovery position that you choose to take?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She never denied SF to the OM despite very adverse conditions.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh horse feathers!!! They were having a freakin' affair. The whole point was to get together and bump uglies. Myrta's affair was UNEXCEPTIONAL.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a very tough hurdle for me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((hugs)))

I can see that Stan. You don't want to budge from your safety zone of resenent. Don't get too comfortable there Stan. The water's poisoned.

Pep

PEPPERBAND--You want me to identify the problem with Stanley and I? The problem is that I had an affair, and he is fixated in it. He does not want to go past it. The solution will be that there was a posible way for me to go back in time and undo what I did. He wants the old Myrta back, he does not like the Myrta of today. He wants yesterday ,not today or tomorrow!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

TMCM-Thank you again for your valuable oppinion. If I flirt with my husband or try to be playful, he takes as, I want to go to bed inmediatly. Nothing can be taken lighthearted by him. You are 47 and he is 54 and you say you are not as ready all the time. Well, he is!!, because he takes help "every night" expecting action from my part. I am not exagerating this. He does! That takes the natural way for things to flow. Of course he wants it all the time, I know he is attracted to me, he likes how I look,if he drinks that, he is ready!!!!
Sometimes I just want to cuddle, to flir, but thats it. He says we do it, a couple of times a week, no, if we dont do it ,at least every couple of days, he gets bend out of shape and gets into ugly moods. Puts a sour face that makes me sad and scared at the same time.

All the time he tells me, "I wish you were not attractive,it would be easier for me . He said in front of our daughters and they were very offended with him. They told him "Dad, you dont like her personality? only her looks?

No, I dont take all his words or actions wrong. I take the wrongs one as wrong. If he gives me positive times, he gets that back from me. If he gets nasty, I get nasty and viceversa.
We do need a marriage counselor, we attempted to go to one right after DD, but she was lame and terrible. It was $150 for 45 minutes for nothing!! We just went to three sessions. My husband told me that we would not go anymore, that we could do it on our own.


Thank you both for you advice, I appreciate it.

MYRTA

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 04:00 PM: Message edited by: Myrta ]</small>

Myrta, Matty, Buttercup, Pepperband, et all,

I've a sincere question for you ladies. If you love your husband as you say you do, what is wrong with SF every day/night? Why so much resentment?

I do not think the A should be used as a weapon as Myrta suggests Stanley is doing; but, what is so wrong with some loving each night?

I think I'm older than all of you and I've yet to understand the resistance of wives to loving their husbands.

I've got my helmet ready and I can dig for my flack vest in the basement if needed.

Thank you for all thoughtful replies (& 2x4s).

Myrta,

I am going to request that you not reply to me when I post to Stan right now.

OK? ... Just for awhile.

Thanks

Pep