Hi. I am new to this forum.

10 months ago, my husband told me. He had a one-time sex with a woman he worked with. The entire time they knew each other was 3 weeks. Immediatly after the sex act he was horrified with himself and told her never again. He then decided to tell me, knowing that I could leave. He said he was very sorry, and obviously out of his mind. He asked me to stay, got us immediately into counseling (which we are still in), called our pastor over to haveaccountability and also hooked up with a Christian mentor. He went through the book, "Every Man's BAttle" and made a committment to purity. WE've read and I've studied Dr. Harley's books which have been very beneficial to me. We are doing well, but I still have major trust issues even though he has done a 180 degree turn around in our relationship. My question is this: She never told her husband. I want desperately to tell him for her...yes, as a way for revenge. BUt my counselor tells me it would be of no benefit. I know if he knew he would probably come after my husband and we would be in a whole new escapade. I wondered what anyone else has thought.

Thank you,
Believin'

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. If the affair is over and you both are working on the marriage, it is best to drop telling the OW's husband, especially out of revenge.

You are very normal in not feeling like you can trust your husband yet. That takes time, and a lot of work from him.

Believer,

Thank you for your response. I have felt so terribly alone the last 10 months because we have chosen not to let people in on this terrible sin. He has told the people necessary to get a complete recovery which I mentioned above. But as for me, most women just think, "What a jerk". So I am forced to keep these emotions inside. It's terrible. I have vowed that when I come through on the other side I will begin a ministry for women going through this. It's such a dark secret that people don't fully understand unless you've been through it.

How long until I will be able to trust again?

believin'

It depends on his behavior. He should be an open book, and let you know where he is at all times. You need to have his passwords also. He needs to make you feel safe.

The ministry thing sounds like a great idea. There are so many people going through this, and yes, sadly many Christians. There is a huge need for understanding.

Keep reading and posting here, and you will really get educated.

IMHO, since it's over and FWH is accountable, it doesn't serve much purpose telling OW's H. I wonder how long it will take to rebuild trust with my own WH.

I think a ministry to help BS is a wonderful idea. I don't know where I'd be without MB!