Since I first had an idea something was wrong in my M, back in Feb 04, I started to look at myself and see what was missing as best as I could. I new that my W loved romance feeling needed and wanted so here is what I have done.

I would love input from anyone.

Feb 04 to present- I have sent her 52 love poems via email.

I have sent flowers to her office 6 times.

I have sent flowers to the house 13 times.

I spent a day making notes on how much I love her ading photos of us and kids. Hid them around the house for her to find.

Picked up a coat for her that she wanted but was waiting for a sale.

Started doing more housework, alot more.

Last night had a bottle of chilled wine waiting for her with a love note, one wine glass and a single rose.

Back rubs everynight, she loves them.

Have left love notes and cards in her car to find in the morning.

Have burned her 3 cd's with her fav songs.

Trying no LB

Doing more with the kids, taking some things off her plate.

lots of little things as well.

Are these good Plan A items?

Anyone do anything real neat they can share?

Looking for new ideas before I run out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Big question, am I doing the wrong things? Or am I realy showing her I love her?

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: alank ]</small>

alank...

the real questions to answer...

how is she receiving your plan a?

are you meeting her actual needs or your perception of her needs?

is she still in contact with OP...

too long of a plan a leads to cake-eating fence sitting and familiarity...

and are you ready to go to plan b

ark

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 06:54 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

ark,

plan B started today.

I thought my plan A was great, it was based on her EN survay.

However, she droped the bomb on me last night. Her OM is still in her life and she wants to keep it that way.

She said goodby to me and the kids today at 8:30am and we have not had any word from her yet. I hope I don't get word at this point either. The kids are devastated as am I.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Do you two live together or are you separated? Are you plan B-ing because she dropped this bomb??

Just wondering

-Caren

did you write and give her a plan b letter?

what is the nature of contact...

'friends'... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

it does sound like your plan a was good...

why are you saying you are in plan b

ark

Alan - if you didn't give her the letter, hold off until you calm down. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to Plan B now, just that doing so as a reaction to her "bomb" sounds like an emotional decision.

That said, conspicuously absent from your Plan A accomplishes are much about the improvements you made in yourself. Is "housework" the only thing that she complained about?

WAT

CarmenMc,

yes were living together since Xmass, and yes I am in Plan B as she has decided to leave and be with her OM.

ark, I have done a plan B letter I have not givin it to her untill I spoke with someone here first to ensure I do things right.

I thought my Plan A was great. Her OM returned from Hawaii yesterday, this was the trip he took with another of his string of W.

I think I am in Plan B as she has made a choice to leave me and my girls..My girls first me second.

does anyone know how to french braid a little girl's hair? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WAT,

she complained about house work, romance, tenderness, helping with the kids after school activities.

She told me I have done nothing to make her a happy W.

I did not give her the letter yet, I was unable to when she left as I had two kids in tears along with myself.

This has been my worst day yet.

Last night I made her a great dinner, we watched a movie and had what I thought was a great night.

I hate this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

alank

Sorry to hear of your WW's latest move.

It's a totally fog-driven decision. Stick with WAT...very seasoned and wise.

I think your Plan A, albiet somewhat short would be sufficient to carry you into Plan B. But I haven't been that route, so I'll let wiser, more experienced folks direct you from here.

Just know that you have my support, no matter what your chosen path.

Best wishes,
SD

edited to add, you may want to *edit* the title of your thread, and the first post or two, to get more advice pertinent to your situation.

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

Thanks SD,

I don't know what to do at this point.

Right now I am just trying to do my girls hair and keep them busy, my WW was not pleasent when she left. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank: All has changed since I posted this on saturday.

Today WW walked out on me and kids to be with OM.

<strong> Since I first had an idea something was wrong in my M, back in Feb 04, I started to look at myself and see what was missing as best as I could. I new that my W loved romance feeling needed and wanted so here is what I have done.

I would love input from anyone.

Feb 04 to present- I have sent her 52 love poems via email.

I have sent flowers to her office 6 times.

I have sent flowers to the house 13 times.

I spent a day making notes on how much I love her ading photos of us and kids. Hid them around the house for her to find.

Picked up a coat for her that she wanted but was waiting for a sale.

Started doing more housework, alot more.

Last night had a bottle of chilled wine waiting for her with a love note, one wine glass and a single rose.

Back rubs everynight, she loves them.

Have left love notes and cards in her car to find in the morning.

Have burned her 3 cd's with her fav songs.

Trying no LB

Doing more with the kids, taking some things off her plate.

lots of little things as well.

Are these good Plan A items?

Anyone do anything real neat they can share?

Looking for new ideas before I run out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Big question, am I doing the wrong things? Or am I realy showing her I love her? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

alank

One thing you may consider, is follow-up exposure. Any exposure you might have been unsure of after D-Day, might be worth re-evaluation now that she's left.

Be sure any further exposure is done out of LOVE, to help end the affair, and not out of vengence, to get even with WW.

Think of anyone inside your circle of relatives or acquaintences who would be philosophically "on your side" in hopes of your WW ending the affair, and include them in the circle of exposure. Your parents, her parents and siblings, perhaps your priest or pastor, and if it's a workplace A, her or his bosses.

Know the MB philosophy well, and follow it. If you are going Plan B, run your letter by the experts and think who will be your best choice for an intermediary, as that is critically important. It may even be time to get legal counsel, so you know your kids will be cared for, no matter what.

Thinking of you,
SD

OK Alan - post the letter here for review. You'll get good advice.

Then by the time you receive all the input, decide then whether to send it or not.

I won't be able to help you on it as I'm leaving in a little bit for business travel until late Friday. But you're in good hands here.

WAT

SD,

exposure has been vast at this point, I am not sure who else I would speak to about it.

All of our friends are aware as well as all our family. MIL has no time for me or the kids as she is behinde WW 100%.

My WW had to move from her office to another as it was exposed at her work.

WW has not been back to church in 3 months now as she is uncomfortable there. Her OM has no moral or religious valus at all.

Not sure who to tell or what to do.

I have no interest in getting even, right now my concern is for the kids.

My cousin is a lawyer and I have spoken to him before, and my aunt would act as go between.

Thanks I will post my Plan B letter today.

Plan A from a distance a little while longer....

If WW calls you, talk to her and be kind.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ........

change the locks on your home AND change the garage door opener code

call your children's school and inform them of a family crisis so they will keep a watchful eye on school age children

call your wife's parents and tell them the sad news that WW has left the family to be with OM... be SURE to tell them you want her back WITHOUT her OM attached... tell them WW seems "addicted" to Om ... use that term

keep house

have extra fun with the kids

take excellent care of yourself

do NOT Plan B just yet.... there are some loose ends of Plan A to attend

stop the "ILU" and say "I care what happends to you" instead

no flowers

no cards

no calls to her but for now accept her calls to you

NO relationship talks

ask her how she is doing

offer concern for her well-being

but no overt mushy romantic gestures

STAY TUNED ... this is going to get interesting ... WATCH YOUR WIFE but say very little ... she is throwing the anchor in her life overboard, but the rope is tied around her neck .... be there but be a somewhat silent force of goodness --->
like a **lighthouse**

Pep

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

alank

What about OM. Family, wife, parents, bosses, etc.

Give it some thought.

Also, I've not been in Plan B, just passing what I've read here and in SAA, it's totally DARK. Your intermediary must be strong, and pass no information other than bare bones stuff needed for maintainence of household and care and exchange of children. You may need legal aid to keep the kids out of the presence of the OM.

Sleep on this for a couple of days, then start your Plan B letter. Post it here for assistance in editing, then choose a time to deliver it.

You'll do just fine, alan, you'll do just fine.

SD

I'm sorry you are going through this and also your girls. What problems are you having with their hair? When my ex h left us my girls were devastated so much. Give them lots of love and reassurance.

There are many great people here to give you great advice. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family!!!

AmIenough,

I don't know how to french braid. I don't know how to do much. To be honest besides running a brush through thier hair I am an idiot with it.

I never knew how much two little girls need a mom! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

pepperband, thank you. I have done a plan B letter, however I will not go to it yet. My go between is tough as nails.

Our Priest lives next door to us, he is also the Priest at my girls school. I have called him looking for help in this matter. The locks on the house....Why?

Looking for anything to make sense of this... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">pepperband, thank you. I have done a plan B letter, however I will not go to it yet. My go between is tough as nails.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love your aunt!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our Priest lives next door to us, he is also the Priest at my girls school. I have called him looking for help in this matter.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask the priest to pray for your marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The locks on the house....Why?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have no legal right to keep her out. She choose to move out, so you change the locks "for safety reasons" .... she could easily move back in and resume the affair right under your nose... there is no legal right for you to keep her out.... BUT if you happen to change the locks after she's moved out.... well, then she has to make some effort to get back in.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Looking for anything to make sense of this... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What she is doing makes no sense... so you'll have to make sense to yourself. Leave her to her own nonsense.

I want her last image of YOU to be strong, steady not weepy, overly clingy ... just the lighthouse she may need to find her way home.

Pep