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You need to change your intermediary. Your Mom is grieving and this is a bit of a pile-on you're asking of her. EVEN IF she volunteered ... get someone tougher... like any Texas-based MB women you might meet along the way (hint*hint) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And .... if you have an intermediary that you are worried "I might hurt her feelings" if you make a request to tighten things up ... this adds a complication to your Plan B that you really cannot afford. YOUR particular Plan B needs to be iron-clad because you have failed so miserably at it in the past. YOU need an intermediary that will be tough on you and one that understands MB concepts and your need NOT TO HEAR any gossip/conversations/status of anything having to do with WH/OW/OC .... the "dark" needs to go both ways .... ESPECIALLY in your case. Pep
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LOL Pep! Are you in Texas? I had no idea! Actually my mom is not my intermediary...WS wanted her to be, but I didn't want her...he wanted info and he knew he could get it from her and so he used that to his advantage... actually my intermediary is errr, I dont know if I should say it, but is someone who is VERY familiar with the MB and SYMC principles...she will not let anything get thru the cracks...someone I trust tremendously... You see, dad wont do the "Right" things, like call the EI or email the EI...he is too BIG for that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so in that sense, I guess he will never speak to me or see me again cuz in order to even consider it, he has to go thru her first...I will not fail this time! I am happy finally! I am at peace! I WILL NOT let him do this to me anymore!
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I'm proud of you M23B, err I mean MF4M! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Pep! Are you in Texas?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Noooooo </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">actually my intermediary is errr, I dont know if I should say it, but is someone who is VERY familiar with the MB and SYMC principles...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok ... I know who you mean. Good for you. Pep
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Don't let him circumvent the process. I made that mistake and it cost me much pain. And probably contributed to the eventual end of my marriage, though my ex would probably tell you that it was OVER and I should have GOTTEN OVER IT even at that point. Ahhh, I love those rants! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
[Edited to add legalistic stuff: Also, the phrase EI(TM) and Email Intermediary(TM) are specific (and trademarked) SYMC terms and really should only be used when you're paying for SYMC's services. Otherwise, the appropriate phrase is "intermediary." I don't know which one you're doing, MF4M, and you don't have to tell. I just wanted to make the distinction.]
<small>[ January 09, 2005, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>
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Yea, I was just kidding with you Pep...I know who you were referring to* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> *... Just J...I am using an EI as in an Email Intermediary from SYMC...hope that clarifies it! She's the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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What is SYMC?
I really think that have a non relation intermediary would be a good option. Someone who knows MB is even better!!
Danielle
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www.symcinc.com <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Danielle, SYMC is Save Your Marriage Central. Another pro-marriage support website. There are great people, just like here, that are there to support and encourage you. They also have a system set up to find you an intermediary if you need one. Here is the link (I think! Not too good at this): SYMC Spidey
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Oh wow that sounds like a great service! I looked into the coaching but that isn't something I can come close to affording right now, but for those who can it sounds great!!
Danielle
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You dont have to have a coach to post there...the support there is fabulous, just as it is here, but they are dead set on respect and following it. It's a good place and the people are very kind!
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I am going to look into posting there.
The part I was saying that is fantastic if you can afford it is the EI (TM).
I would love to utilize that as it seems that every 'go-between' person I try to use, gets way to involved and it takes a toll on them emotionally, and they are either sided for me or for him. Therefore, it doesn't work to well.
Danielle
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If you post here long enough you will "meet" great people...and some of those great people might be willing to come forward to be an Intermediary for you...I have had several offers from people...but I have always turned them down cuz I didn't want to "bother" them...I now realize how important it is to have someone who is not so involved in your life...It does take it's toll on everyone involved. My WH is really upset that I am spending the money for this service...but I figure as much money as he has spent on this A, not to mention the soon to be OC, I can spend a few pennies to keep my sanity intact <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Dani, is there another soldier who would be willing to do this for you? A soldiers wife perhaps? Look into all your possiblities...explain to them the importance of Plan B and what it is about...you have to protect yourself.
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Hey there M4...don't want to threadjack..but was glad to see you here. We went to a Sweet 16 last night... ..and at the table next to us...one man...looked EXACTLY like your WH. I mean spitting image. When I told my H...OMG..you know who he looks like ? And H guessed..without me saying anything !!! I said your exactly right! He asked..do you think it's him...I said..I highly doubt it. My H then looked at me..and said... if it WAS him...I'd love to have a word or two with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Just wanted to let you know..that you are with all of us... and you're never alone in your journey...no matter what...we're with you babe !
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