It seems after OW and I spoke last week, many of WS lies were revealed to her for the first time.

It seems from the info she told me, that the first time OW had SF with WS, he had told her we were "Separated", actually I had taken the kids and went to visit my family whom I hadn't seen in years. When I got back and my life was all of a sudden chaos, I knew something was up, but it was another 4 wks before Dday. At that time I called her and told her I loved him, that we had our share of problems, but I didn't want to end our marriage. I had asked her to leave him alone unless we got D.

Evidentally, she had at that time assumed we had been separated but when I found out about them, I got jealous and wanted hubby back. She said, and he confirmed that he didn't want to come back then, she sent him back to me and told him to try. Then for the next 6 months they had daily phone, and email contact and occassional sex <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . Discussing OUR marriage and my WS continuing to tell her he didn't think we would be together much longer. Telling her we were fighting and other nonsense.

Anyway, all during the 6 months I was Plan A and he was telling me everything was over with OW. I thought things with he and I were so much better, and we were having regular (4-6 x's a week) SF and talking and having fun.

Anyhow, around Thanksgiving I knew he started seeing her again, because all hell broke loose and he become angry all the time, picking fights, SF less often, and needing to get out of house all the time.

She told me at that time she had told him to **** or get off the pot, that if he didn't leave me, she was going to see other people. He told her we separated again.

There were lots of other lies that he told her, and many more to me, but most were revealed over the course of her and I discussing everything.

NOW, he is in withdrawl. We were waiting for money to come from his selling his stock so that he could move out - and I was to go into Plan B.

Should I still continue with plans for him to move out, and go into Plan B - go back to Plan A until he is through withdrawl?

I know that next week they could be back at it...., and he is mourning their relationship and angry with me as he blames me - I destroyed this for him. Says last 7 months of good between us doesn't even compare to the prior 7 yrs of bad. Doesn't know what he wants, still takes no responsibility for A, or pain he has caused. Angry, resentful, and now depressed over end of A.

What to do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and he is mourning their relationship and angry with me as he blames me - I destroyed this for him. Says last 7 months of good between us doesn't even compare to the prior 7 yrs of bad. Doesn't know what he wants, still takes no responsibility for A, or pain he has caused. Angry, resentful, and now depressed over end of A.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All fog talk. I would go back into plan A for a while and be strong withdrawl can be ugly. Come here to vent when you need to.

thanks FF, that was my gut instinct, to plan A BUT....

I am scared that she may give in if tries to contact and get her back, and I just don't know if I could handle it if I found out they were back at it again. We've had two Ddays now, and it is just so painful to find out all the lies and still maintain love.

But...if she broke it off because he is still living here and won't/can't leave me & kids, then making him move out opens it up for them to continue, which can be both good and bad.

I really feel that what I do now is critical. So anyone with any words of advice/wisdom, please post!!

1, (May I call you 1?)

She told me at that time she had told him to **** or get off the pot

What a classy gal she must be!

Now YOU tell HIM to **** or get off the pot. Or either fish or cut bait.

NO CONTACT must start and do it with a NC letter to her. This will, in writing, let her know what the "truth" is with your H. Then you still plan A and stay in the house.

If she would agree to tell you when he calls her, that would be a tremendous coup for you. Then if he does, you go to plan B and plan for the worst.

Tell OW that if he does contact you and you tell me about it...then he is all yours.

Sounds like the OW and you have a better understanding of the sitch than does your foggy dreamboy. He is lying to keep his cake intact, and both sides of the fence available.

If he refuses to do the NC letter then its time to go dark with plan B.

IMHO

k

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by krusht:
NO CONTACT must start and do it with a NC letter to her. This will, in writing, let her know what the "truth" is with your H. Then you still plan A and stay in the house.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great suggestion!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If she would agree to tell you when he calls her, that would be a tremendous coup for you. Then if he does, you go to plan B and plan for the worst.

Tell OW that if he does contact you and you tell me about it...then he is all yours.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is where the rubber meets the road.

Force a choice. Have OW agree that he has to choose right now. But DO NOT tell her about MB concepts and plans... these are YOUR tools.

He won't like his 2 cakes talking to each other ... oh well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he refuses to do the NC letter then its time to go dark with plan B.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES!!!

Totally agree.

Pep

thanks for the advice. I'm not sure as to what to do. We are suposed to "Talk" after kids go to bed, but all he's said for the last month is "I don't know", I say "I can't live with I don't know"

I'm leaning to continue on to Plan B, simply because no contact hasn't been his choice and I think he'll try to win her back, try to continue contact.

Maybe I should wait til there is proof of that, but with his still being so angry with me, blaming me for everything and generally still all fogged over, it may be best to have no contact with me for now, I've been on the coaster so long, I'm just feeling too sick. I've lost 45 pounds, my children aren't getting enough attention, and the angry outbursts and tension are hurting them. I may take some time out to focus on myself and the kids and recreate a home of peace and love. If he wants back into that atmosphere I think at this point I really need to see some remorse. I need to be treated with the respect I deserve, I just can't take feeling like a loser any longer. I feel like I'm begging him to be with me, I'm in competition for my own spouse....., lordy - I need a break LOL