I just received this via email. Any advice? Any thoughts? Anything i can do except sit back and go for the ride?
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I hope that our not talking since the end of May and email only when needed communication plan has helped you move on and that I have done nothing in the past 9 months that would keep you from healing and finding hapiness. I love my too brief visits with the pack and don't mind helping you out with needs around the house. However it has been difficult not talking to or seeing one of the greatest friends I've ever known. It is my hope that someday in the not too distant future you will be in a place that allows me to be part of your life.

I am having my lawyer draft up the attached documents so that we can have some closure. It is my wish that you will support this motion. The minimum 91 day waiting period from the date you filed the decree of legal separation, November 1, 2004 is January 29, 2005. She can have them ready for you to sign by the time you get back from Mexico.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> However it has been difficult not talking to or seeing one of the greatest friends I've ever known. It is my hope that someday in the not too distant future you will be in a place that allows me to be part of your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you are in Plan B, he should know what is required for him to be a part of your life. Don't let him put responsibility for this back on you ~ this is HIS choice to make.

You are not JUST one of the greatest friends he has ever known ~ you are also his WIFE. He cannot have you as his greatest friend, and his OW. That is just not how this situation works.

As you realize, you can only control you. If your WH doesn't want to do what is required to have you back in his life, then that is HIS choice. YOUR choice should stay the same, removal from his triangle, his chaos. You cannot live there, and he has no right to ask you to sell yourself short to "ease his mind," or make his life easier.

Stay strong, and stay the course. Do not reply.

Spidey

I agree, I wouldn't reply to this e-mail. It appears to me that he's baiting you, possibly testing the waters to see what's going on now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I love my too brief visits with the pack and don't mind helping you out with needs around the house. However it has been difficult not talking to or seeing one of the greatest friends I've ever known. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It was his decision to have the A, and you gave him the stipulations on what he needs to do in order to have a relationship with you......IMO I really thing he must be thinking about you, missing you to have written this e-mail at all.

I would stay the course as well.

-Caren

Actually, the reason he's writing is to seek an earlier divorce (have me waive the six month waiting period and allow him to convert the decree of separation into a dissolution now instead of in June). I'm having my attorney see if it's even possible to do this legally. If it is, I will agree to it on the condition that my H pay all my expenses, including my attorney's fees and related processing costs. I do not see my H changing paths with the OW in the next three months, at which time he can divorce me without contest anyway. This way, at least it would be financially to my benefit. As far as his comments about me being his best friend, you're absolutely right. I'm his wife. He continues to believe that what he feels for the OW is "true love" and what he felt for me for 10 years was "only a deep friendship." What he feels for her is total infatuation. That will become clear soon enough and is his lesson to learn. He just bought a house and is living with her and her 3 kids so he'll be in this for quite awhile, I'm afraid. I will not respond to his email. I'll have my attorney write back, disregarding, of course, all of the garbage about me allowing my H to be part of my life. As long as he's with her, there's no place for him with me. What do you think?

Actually, the reason he's writing is to seek an earlier divorce (have me waive the six month waiting period and allow him to convert the decree of separation into a dissolution now instead of in June). I'm having my attorney see if it's even possible to do this legally. If it is, I will agree to it on the condition that my H pay all my expenses, including my attorney's fees and related processing costs. I do not see my H changing paths with the OW in the next three months, at which time he can divorce me without contest anyway. This way, at least it would be financially to my benefit. As far as his comments about me being his best friend, you're absolutely right. I'm his wife. He continues to believe that what he feels for the OW is "true love" and what he felt for me for 10 years was "only a deep friendship." What he feels for her is total infatuation. That will become clear soon enough and is his lesson to learn. He just bought a house and is living with her and her 3 kids so he'll be in this for quite awhile, I'm afraid. I will not respond to his email. I'll have my attorney write back, disregarding, of course, all of the garbage about me allowing my H to be part of my life. As long as he's with her, there's no place for him with me. What do you think?

What do I think? I think you have got your head firmly on your shoulders, and that you are making VERY informed and wise decisions. And you are right, you can only control you, this is HIS lesson to learn.

This just cracks me up:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He continues to believe that what he feels for the OW is "true love" and what he felt for me for 10 years was "only a deep friendship." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">because my FWH fed me this same line of bull. Isn't it funny how they all say and think the EXACT same things, yet they each feel they are in a unique situation, and that nobody has "ever felt this way besides me" before. Good grief.

I remember when my H told me soon after he moved out: "I just M'd my best friend." And I thought, "Well, you could do a LOT worse ~ something's gotta hold you together after that hot lusty feelings wears off!"

And now, he agrees with me. He now says, "What was I thinking? I remember being in that space, but it is hard to believe HOW my mind got there."

My prayer is that you are able to hear your WH say those words to you some day. To verify to you, from him (not that you need it), that you were NOT crazy for 10 years, that he did indeed love you the way he said he did.

That is the greatest disservice us BS's get, is that our M's weren't what we thought, that someone misled us/misrepresented themselves, etc. That for some reason, we were not worthy of this great love that they are now giving to somebody else ~ and theirs is all based on lies and deceit.

As Dr. Phil told one of the posters here and her WH on his show they were on, he said to the WH: "WH, all you and OW know about each other for sure, is that you are both liars."

You are doing awesome. Keep posting and reading.

Spidey

Getting Stronger,

I applaud your strength. The friendship thing is crap.

When I asked my WW how she felt about me after I found out about the A she said "We're just really good friends..." In my head I said "We WERE just really good friends, not anymore." I prefer to not have liars and cheaters as friends.

All the best,

Miker

Thanks, all. This is so incredibly hard, I can't believe it. Still, I know it would be a lot harder if I were in contact with him, having to see he and the OW in lala land together. Yuck. Time will certainly tell the true story of whether this thing between them is true love or not. I say not. True love can't possibly be built from a house of cards filled with lies, deceipt, and infatuation. And, as far as the best friend business goes -- not to worry. I'm not going to appease his/her guilt by playing that role. Neither of them deserve to have me in their lives right now. The day that I will agree to play a role in my H's life is after he breaks up with her and gets some serious counselling. I'll let you know when I hear from my attorney. Thanks again, your replies, thoughts and advice are so appreciated....