Who ever been on the situation on WW before and now realize that they now willing to save the marriage, Please advise me, What did you feel when you are still in the FOG. And how did you end up clearing the fog?

Please send me e-mail at: heartiswounded4ever@yahoo.com or yahoo messenger.

I wanted to reply to this, just so you'd get a reply. I don't know how many of the people on here actually are the WS, I think it's mostly bereaved spouses, I assume the reason for this is primarily because the WS is all fogged out and doesn't see there is a problem....and if it ain't broke........

Is the reason for your post to gain perspective on what your wife is thinking in all this? I understand this...because I think we'd all like to know what's going on inside our WS's head. It would certainly help us know what to do....unfortunately you can only make an educated guess....even when you do get input from people who have been there.

-Caren

Hey there!

I'm a FWW and there are a few of us FWS's here on the board. Like Caren a bit earlier, what are you looking for in your question. I want to make sure I understand before I answer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Muchas gracias!!

i am a FWW, i very much wanted out of the marriage during the A. My husbands actions pulled me back in. he did not know about the As until afterwards when i confessed all.

hL and Caren,

there are actually quite a few FWW on here, me included. The fog is real, in the sense that people really do behave in strange ways that they often later very much regret! Months later, I had a hard time understanding how I could have acted as I did. I was horrified, and after I told my H, very remorseful and guilty. Actually, I had (and sometimes still have) a hard time dealign with the guilt.

Is that what you wanted to know?

My question is WW never show any care about the marriage at all. Or is it really easy to let go 11th years being together because of the affair?

How can I make her see me that I am still inlove with her and still willing to fix our marriage.

What can you advice, should I go for Plan B?

hl,

first of all, your nic is really depressing... if you're really thinking of future recovery and your W returning, maybe you need a new name to reflect some postive spirit, because it definitely takes positive energy (and patience and time) to recover!

Also, what we are saying is that during As, people do and say things that they later regret. So don't lose hope!

About whether you should go to Plan B, how long have you been in Plan A, and did you do a good one? Actually, maybe recovered FBS would be better at advising about this.

Good luck!

HL, another FWW here.

There are lots of us on the board and we all know each other. LOL.

I was prepared to give up a 30 year marriage.

The A finished when the OM told me he was never going to leave his wife and he needed to end it with me.

My H found out about it all 5 months after that.

After d-day, I was overwhelmed by how much my H loved me and how he was going to fight forever to regain my love.

I just worked and worked at regaining my feelings which were only buried, not gone. Coming to MB was my Godsend and saviour. Seeing things from everyone else's viewpoint, listening to some very wise old MBers, talking to other FWS's, reading all the books.

I was determined that NC would be forever and that my H and I would regain and rediscover everything we had.

Seems to be working. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Last night we were sitting watching a stupid movie on TV (Lake Placid), just enjoying ourselves and being a normal married couple.

Jen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HATE LOVE:
<strong> My question is WW never show any care about the marriage at all. Or is it really easy to let go 11th years being together because of the affair?

How can I make her see me that I am still inlove with her and still willing to fix our marriage.

What can you advice, should I go for Plan B? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Being a BS, I cannot tell you what EXACTLY is going on in the mind of a WS, but it is not difficult to fathom how WSes deconstruct reality to suit their agenda. There is nothing special about the actions and rationalizations that WSes display, as it is a common response that humans elicit in order to justify actions which they know are wrong. Watch an episode of COPS and see how people rationalize all sorts of behaviors. Listen to people rant that it is justified to steal from or sue rich people/companies because "you have to be a crook to be rich", etc. Think back on a time in your life where you lied in order to save your butt. Man is very adept at conforming his thoughts to meet his desires.

So it is futile in most cases, as I am fully aware, to try to reason with a WS -not to mention tends to escalate negative emotions on your part. You are attempting to reason with fantasy, depression, mania, guilt, hatred, love, confusion, etc. It must run its course, during which time, you fix yourself, leave memories of love for your spouse, and possibly move onto Plan B if necessary.