I kept telling my husband that I was changing, becoming a new person.

I was very distant with him and when I wasn't I was short tempered.

I looked forward to getting to work so I could e-mail OM. I would prefer to be at work than at home.

I am sure I can come up with more, but Green Bay is getting slaughtered right now and I must watch - loyal fan you know, must go down with the ship.

Hello, it's me again. I find it easier to have conversations with you on your answering machine, so I'll just call when you are at work and talk with you this way.

Hello, it's me again. I am going to have to call you tonight when you are home to discuss the property, and how you are going to settle it. Just so you know, I do not agree with you about me paying you interest on the down payment you put on. Let's try to be civil when I call, it is so much nicer talking to you when you are pleasant. I really am a nice guy and care so much about you.

(translation, please be nice to me while I try to screw you out of your entire life savings. And treat me fairly while I take my girlfriends over to your trailer (which you do not have the means to move) and screw their brains out. Never mind that it was the property that you had dreamed and planned on owning for ten years, before I came into your life and swept you off of your trusting, and very stupid feet. And never mind that I was bankrupt and could never, never, never have gotten that property without you.

PS. I actually did agree to sign the property over to him until he balked at paying me the interest back that I lost on it. Screw that!

Sorry Believer, itty bitty vent there. Must be something in the air tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My H started to pick fights over nothing.

I smelled a woman's perfume on him.

He got chummy with the new neighbor (20 yrs. his junior and single)

And the biggest one - He decided to go OTR on long haul truck driving. Gone now almost all the time.

Car - still waiting for cell phone records (yikes)

weaver - Mine wants me to move out of the house, and would like to move OW in. Whatever. It is astonishing to me how WS's think.

The worst part of all IMO is that they let you believe it's all your fault, it's something you've done or not done to cause what's happening, I think that is cruel and unusual.

Once I had remedied the problems he pointed out as the reason he was unhappy, it switched to "It's not you, it's me".

The making and/or invention of new friends you've never met...that consume TONS of their time. My WH's imaginary friend is named Phil...Phil must be a hell of a guy, because he's over there all the time. (He tells me he's at Phil's when he's at the OW's house) Funny thing is...I'd put MONEY on the fact that he probably is at "phil's" when he's over at my house too.

My WH is a little bit different than others on here in the respect that he is still going to extrodinary lengths to make sure I don't know about the OW. He seriously doesn't even drive his car when he goes to her house, she either picks him up or he walks.

He also calls my daughter every night to tell her good night, and he's somewhere very very quiet if he's not at home....So, in short, how long do you think the OW is going to put up with all of his bullcrap??! I'm thinking his days are numbered.

-Caren

For me I was shocked when I found out. I really did not think H would ever do it. I did have clues along the way, but I was so ignorant. I smelled perfume on his shirt. There was a time there was lipstick on his shirt. I found condoms in the car he was driving (it was his brother's car, and he said they were his brother's.) He was always very hard to get a hold of, stayed out late (always drinking w/ co-workers), and angry all the time.

My husband was using the cell phone I bought him for our anniversary to call his OW, I found her number/name in his 'phone book' on the cell. I promptly took it away, as I bought it and it was in my name. Once we separated he got one of those Virgin Mobile ones that you can just buy cards for, it's not a 'secret' but it is a lot like Ft. Knox....keypad locked w/ password, voicemail password...etc.

I feel like breaking it...LOL

-Caren

Oh, let's see...

1) He hadn't been happy for at least 5 years (hmmm..and perhaps he could have told ME that when I told him we needed MC before this all started, and he said no, that it was all fine.)

2) I didn't keep the house clean enough.

3) My kids didn't respect him (funny...they're biologically HIS kids, too!)

4) He wasn't doing anything bad last fall--he was just riding his Harley and "getting right with the wind" until midnight almost every night all of a sudden. (She was riding with him, later found out.)

5) I didn't need to worry about him being "friends" with this woman. He wasn't about to sleep with her--but I'd better be happy that he was so strong, because it had been offered. (That changed to, "I'm intrigued at why a 25-yr-old would be interested in me." And THAT changed to him sleeping with her... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

6) He was on his (used to be our shared) cell phone all the time, and he changed the password so I couldn't get to the voicemail.

7) He called her secretly several times during our Oct 2003 vacation. I'd go out the door of the hotel at night and catch him on the phone, but he'd tell me he was talking to Andy. Even called her from the airport to tell her we were on our way home. Then got angry at ME and told me I was the one who was paranoid, that they were just friends.

8) Blamed all the non-answered calls and voice messages I left that he didn't get on a faulty cell phone, but just never could find the time to take it to Verizon to get it looked at.

9) "Just back off, LL! I'm taking care of it. Give me time!" (Said that from Dec 2003 to around June 2004, when he got his apartment and moved her in.)

If you need more for the list you're compiling, I'm sure I can come up with quite a few. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Those were just off the top of my head.

LL

In retrospect, the very first sign was I walked into, then out of, my H's bathroom to get laundry. My instincts told me something was wrong - nothing concrete. After D-day I discovered it was because "HER" scent was all over him and his bathroom.

Isn't that bizarre.

Jo

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I was so stupid, I didn't figure it out for months. I felt something was wrong, but when I talked with him about it, he said for me to be patient, things would get better.

All along he was cheating on me. That is what made me feel like such an idiot.

- I'm working overtime - (but without increase in his paycheck!)
- I don't have time to have lunch with you anymore.
- I took the wedding ring off because I didn't want it to get scratched.
- Became distant, will start a fight over nothing
- When asked if there was another person, 'that's your answer for everything I do, I'm just working a lot'
Then the cellphone bill - $300, $400 ...
- Those are calls from work, I need to make calls out of state.

Then after discovery of the A ...
- I love you but I'm not in love with you
- I have strong feelings for her but I will never leave you
- I don't feel like when we were newly weds
- You're still my best friend
- I feel very confused
- I need time to clear my mind
- I don't want to hurt anybody
- I don't know what I want to do with my life

I think all the bases have been covered, but funny how similar they are. Here's what I've heard:

I feel pressure from life responsibilities
I love you but I'm not in love with you
I have a crush on another woman (19 year old girl!!)
I love both of you
The kids will adjust, they'll just learn early that life isn't fair
Why is everyone else's happiness more important than mine?
You're my best friend
I will always love you
This may be a phase I'm going thru
(real kicker) I'm still hopefull for our future

This sure is one evil, confusing fog!!!

Is this like the Wayward Spouse Handbook here? Every single one of my WH's excuses, complaints, comments, lies is here. Is this hardwired into them?

My big clues that aren't listed by somebody above were 1) that even though WH had been away for a long time in a great place to shop, he brought home minimal gifts (unusual for him) and hand them out without any ceremony. 2) Nobody in the family could do anything right for him. The house was too messy, the kids too loud, the food wasn't appetizing, even the dogs were in trouble.

Another funny thing is that the night he came home from his cheatin' trip, the 6 Wives of Henry VIII was on PBS. He said he didn't want to watch it with me. Now he's got a little chippy whose trying to do an Anne Boelyn.

grapegirl - Even the dogs were in trouble? YIKES!

Yup, even the dogs....

Thank GOD for this site, and all you wonderful suffering souls!! Many times I know what he'll say and do before he does it. This is like a roadmap for the BS that spills from MT.WS

Just wish I could fastforward to the OW out of the picture!!!!!!

How about "I'm just a nice guy and I have to help people in need...don't worry about it."

Gosh, they really are all the same <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've heard some of it all too...

starting hanging out with friends at night drinking

____ is just a friend

(when questioned) You just don't want me to have any guy friends

change in appearance (starting wearing thongs, more makeup.....when she was to be around OM = other men)

cell phone that I didnt have access to (she would claim that she paid the bill so it was none of my business)

cell phone with numbers programmed into it of all her "friends"

after the bomb was dropped....

she never admitted anything was going on. Never, never, never....never even to the counselor we were seeing after separation

told me she still wanted to be my friend & that we could be nice to each other if we were to meet at a store, etc

BIG CLUE -told me she wanted to go hunting, fishing, mudding (racing trucks in the mud), water skiing, exchange her car for a pickup truck
(this was stuff the OM liked to do)

Jeffrey - That's a big one - new interests. My WH suddenly liked country music. He started hanging out at a country bar on Saturday night. When I asked to go with him, he said he just hung out with the guys. Yeah, right.