Heard a new one last night!!

"Technically, I'm not cheating since you've known about it from the beginning"

Can you believe that???

"I’d never leave you for OW, she’s just an old friend.
For God’s sake, our grandparents were friends since WW1 and she and I grew as cousins!!" (hahaha)

I asked him did he have sex with all of his 'friends' too
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He answers: "You don’t understand what a friendship means here with your different background; it’s one more cultural difference between us..."


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Among many other confusing statements and lies my WH was feeding me at the time,or by ommitting altogether,this sentence was the one that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and when it changed things from anxious uncertainty to OMG.Keep in mind this was also when we were having cell phone issues like,it going "out of range"(being turned off) to having the answering service come right on(knowing it was turned off):

"I am just going for a sleepover,there will be lots of other people there".

This was when I had been in agony for several days trying to get my WH to admit to what he was feeling or what was going on between us(things had most definitely changed).At the time he said this to me,he was dutifully on his way to the homewreckers crack pot parent's home to sleep over for the Canadian Thanksgiving in October 2003.Already deceiving me,having sex with the happy homewrecker,helping around the house with his "new adopted "in laws").

Ewww,this makes me sick just revisiting it all.

Point is,my gut/instincts/intuition where right on the entire time even til now.I trusted them and it payed off.If I ignored my feelings and pretended everything was just fine,who knows how long WH would have kept this from me and lived a dual life.

Other tell tale signs were dramatic weight loss,WH looked disheveled,depressed,unshaven,distant,refused sex/closeness,frequent cell phone calls,etc(OOOH I hated that cell phone with a PASSION!).Still do

O

This whole "portrait" thing is scary.....they ALL say the same things!!!!!

When I found a new bottle of men's cologne in WH's car (it was a kind I bought for him long time before, but had difficulty finding more) WH said (when I asked where it came from)

"I like to wear it at work. I have to keep things like this from you.... BECAUSE OF HOW YOU ARE!"

Gee, why did I feel so jealous? Was it because he was CHEATING?

WH used that line "because of how you are" on me countless times to turn the heat off of him and onto ME!!!!!

Also, when confronted, they talk all around the subject, and never answer the question. When confronted with that, they say "I already told you that!"

NOT!!!!!!

Octobergirl......don't even get me started on the cell phones!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

WH needed three hands to keep up with all the cell phones he had!!!!

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WH used that line "because of how you are" on me countless times to turn the heat off of him and onto ME!!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When my H was wayward, and I was exposing, and he couldn't stop me (he didn't like the exposing, because the FOW didn't like it, and she was withdrawing from him because of it), he kept telling me I was vendictive. Not that I was trying to save my family, or my M (which when they are foggy, they can't understand anyway). BUT, to call me VENDICTIVE???

And he would use that as one of his many reasons why we could never rebuild our M, why D was our only option (another reason to not believe anything they say, and only half of what they do ~ he never filed), because my family was vindictive, and that's where I learned it, and I would never change, blah blah blah.

For a while, I even started thinking of myself that way. Maybe I was vindictive?

Nah. It is called, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. It is called calling someone on their actions, and not backing down to their fear and anger. And my H knows that if put in the same sitch again, I will do the exposing again ~ except much more swiftly.

Mine and H's motto is now: "Don't do anything if you would feel embarassed if it was printed on the front page of the newspaper tomorrow morning." That's a pretty good guide.

Spidey

Nope...don't see my affair in this...

I withdrew from my marriage and became distant and irritable months before the affair started.

Once the affair started, things at home improved dramatically because I no longer expected my wife to meet the needs the OW was meeting...the pressure was off.

I knew from the beginning that I had no intention of ever leaving my wife and family. No illusions about replacing her with the OW. It was an "add-on" affair.

I was over the moon with life in general. The portrait of a happy man.

Of course that was pre-D-Day...

Low

I heard this one from OW....

"Technically you aren't married to him anymore"...........
Really? Well legally I am you French skank! If you are going to live in this country, you might won't to learn the laws!

Those were my exact words!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

1. Bad headaches causing him to sleep on the couch and keeping him up at night.

2. Inability to make love with me.

These were not signs to me....I was worried something was wrong with him.

Then one morning he said, "There's something I have to tell you..."
My first thoughts were, "Oh No, he has a brain tumor...he has prostrate cancer..."

When he said he'd found someone else and he needed to move to our vacation home for a while and think...I was almost relieved...I was glad he didn't have a tumor or cancer...then it hit me what he said.

He doesn't have a tumor, he doesn't have cancer, our Marriage does and it has a name and it's a "nice person", and he wants to "think about it".

We, at least I, have been trying to cure the disease ever since. Someone on this thread said that the marriage is tainted - full of distrust, worry if he is thinking about her when he kisses her, etc. Something has been removed from my marriage - I'm still waiting for the results of the Affair-Tumor biopsy.

AUG12th <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

First clue...cold, distant and "I'm not attracted to you anymore. Second clue...getting teary in a restaurant over the music playing (it turned out to be their song). Third clue..needed secret e-mail account.

After d-day:

I love you but I'm not in love with you.
When's the last time we made love 5 times a day?
She's a good Catholic girl.
Twenty years together is long enough.
Marriage is just a piece of paper.
I married you because I felt sorry for you.

Oh Boy!! The things that my H said and did were so hurtful....it hurts to write in here 14 months later...

1. He loved me but wasn't in-love----
2. He didn't think I LOVED him!!
3. Would NOT give me the key to the motel room he was staying in while working out of town.
4. His wedding ring suddenly "broke"
5. when visiting him he had brie cheese and crackers in his frig.....stupid me thought he bought it for us!!
6. Would tell me not to cry when he would leave to work out of state.....Said "it only makes it hard on ME" (him!!!)
7. Started dressing like a cowboy----while working in Reno...????
8. Losing weight....looking good.
9. Stood by while I went to Dr.s because I did think I WAS crazy.....Dr. wanted me to start AD's for PTSS....showed ALL the signs.....
10. Would come home from working out of town (state) and I would let him sleep because he was sooooo tired from working SO HARD all week!! even though we only had 1.5 days on weekends he would sleep like a baby.
11. I would get AmEx bill and his "dinner" tab suddenly doubled and he would say "I had EXTRA beers"
12. Tabs for dinners were at the SAME restruant on the same days of the weeks for a month.....
13. I had brought a candle to his motel....which we never used. Next trip it had been lit....Told me that I HAD lit it!!!<see how CRAZY they like to make you think you are??>
14. Suddenly started using Pantene Shampoo??? Huh??? not too manly....?
So many many many things..............Wish I had never had to hear or learn that my H could be so evil. All in the name of protecting his selfish ! @ss.
Atruheart

Mine became neat freak about his work clothes

Don't call on cell afraid to use his minutes -even though we have same company and free minutes to call each other

Late at night every Thursday night had to work OT

Not able to preform in bed -

Verbal abuse -became unbearable -did not alk at all

When we went out with friends onwk/end he would turn his back to me like I was not there.

Cleared History on cell phone nightly

She was a coworker and just a friend -wish I had one

Told me mothers day 2003 I love you but and not in love with you -Happy M-Day for me.

My son went to Iraq -he said I don't want to talk about it.

Brought home cologne this X-Mas -I hate cologne

Always was nice to me in fornt of certain people like my neighbors but not with others.

Gave me big b-day surpise party at our favorite resteraunt with all of my friends invited -he was such a performer -rubbing my shoulders -boy did that hurt.

Started going to FIL alone -always had taken me.

Thats all I remember -there was more but this is enough