ok, so I am familiar with signs of contact and increasing EA and PA (finding reasons to leave house,angry outburst,blaming me for everything,picking fights so he could leave without guilt to go get SF with OW,decrease in family time,decrease in relationship with children, unable to look me in the eyes,distant look in eyes when he did look at me), I never really experienced true withdrawl before as we were in false recovery and contact never completely ended.

To be able to tell for sure that what I am seeing is true withdrawl, can we start a list of signs ya'll have experienced in your R with WS when contact finally ended.

I'll start with possible things, behavior I'm seeing:
1. No idea what to do or how to proceed with life.
2. No plans, no promises, no hope.
3. Anger
4. Couch potato
5. Depression
6. Favorite response: I Don't know

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: 1confusedBS ]</small>

I hope you don't mind a FWWs point of view.

Yes, those are all the classic signs of "real" withdrawal except I used to burst into tears all the time as well.

Dr Harley strongly recommends that the "withdrawing" spouse as well as the BS also needs ADs.

Jen

also, when trying to decide if we should stay living together for awhile or separate, I asked - can you honor your vows - "I don't know"

ok, why should you stay then???

Welcome any signs of withdrawal. If there is no withdrawal, there is continued contact.

Do not separate. A request for separation is a plan to resume contact.

There may be talk such as "I'm not in love with you" during withdrawal. Respond by saying that this is OK. Your FWS may not "feel", "in love" with you during withdrawal but love( the real, long-lasting kind) can happen again once withdrawal is over.