Now that the New Year is here I am wondering what happened to 2004? I have just returned to work from a two week break which did me the world of good. I feel almost human again. It seems like I just existed through 2004 in a sea of pain. The year has gone and I have no idea where it went to. So my New Year's resolution is that 2005 is going to by MY YEAR.

I know that many members on this forum say that you can get through an A and have an even better marriage but I don't believe that. I had a great marriage, even my WH agrees with that. Our life was great, we were best friends until he decided to have his mid-life crisis and I know that my marriage will never be what it was. I know that we can be happy again and I am sure that we will go into our old age a reasonably happy couple but I also know that it will never be the same again.

My WH has lost a lot and he doesn't realise it. He has lost that blind love and trust that I had for him. . .I will never love him blindly again. I see him for what he is and I still love him but it will never be the same again. I don't think WS's realise how much they lose when they embark on an A. My WH was my best friend, my lover and my absolute moon and stars, he no longer holds that place in my life or my heart anymore. I love him as a mere mortal which is probably what I should have been doing all along instead of putting him on a pedestal and thinking he was the greatest thing on earth. I no longer think he is the greatest thing on earth and I am afraid that is his loss.

I once thought that if he ever left me I would not be able to go on, I now realise that if he leaves me now, I would be sad but I would be able to carry on. Life would still go on for me without him. He does not have the power over my life that he had before the A.

So 2005 is going to by MY YEAR. He has stolen enough of my life from me already. He stole the four years that he was having the A from me and he has stolen a further year from me while I mourned the way he trashed my marriage and turned it into a sham. So from now on he is not going to steal anymore time from me. I am going LIVE during 2005 no matter what happens.

I hope that you have all had a blessed Christmas and a reasonably happy New Year. I know that many of you are still hurting badly but know that time eventually does start healing that hurt and that you find strength from somewhere. I have found tremendous strength from this forum and I would like to thank each and every one of you who were so supportive during last year - a year I never want to have to live through again. I don't think I would have made it, if it hadn't been for the help and support I received from the members of this forum.

I thank each and every one of you, you are wonderful people and if I can help anyone this year I will do so with as much compassion as I possibly can.

^

Ditto, Enid.

2004 was the worst of my life, so far. I, too, decided in the first few days of the new year that I can be ok without him, if I have to. (Wouldn't have been possible without MB)

I am facing the new year with much more confidence. I don't know what he will choose to do, but I do know what my reaction will be. I have a firm plan in place now for how I will handle things.

I have been counseling with Steve, and am trying to do the things he has suggested. I am ready to be happy again. It's been a long time.


I learned to cherish my friends in 2004. They really came through for me in a way I didn't think possible. Talk about support!!

In 2005 I plan to:
Try even harder to save my marriage, if I can.
Continue to protect myself legally and financially
Continue to counsel with Steve
Start building my self-respect again
Continue to work with MB and to offer any advice I might have that is consistent with MB principles.
Try not to lose my sense of humor - it has kept me alive this far.

Good luck to you in your endeavors to do the same.

It seems like every year flies so fast anymore. I can hardly remember the last 3 months of 2004. It's all a blur. Every once in a while I look back in my journal to see what did happen. I feel like WH stoled this time from me.

For 2005, I'm looking for resolution and healing. I am not going to let this drag on forever.

Yes, that is exactly how I feel. . .that WH stole time from me and at my age I can't afford to have anyone "steal" time from me. I have decided that this year I am going to:

Go to the gym every day
Stick to a good diet
Stop taking anti-depressants to get through the day
Stop smoking - I hadn't smoked for 10 years and started again when I learnt about the A - I am stopping this week. . .in fact I am stopping today
I am going to start playing bowls
I am going to be happy - I am tired of being sad.

Lets hear a few other New Year's resolutions.