I have not posted for over two months. I am mostly a lurker.

In my last entry I was angry after finding out my wife was in contact with OM. This issue has been resolved, there is no more contact and FWW seems to be regaining her affection and love.

I have developed a very persistent problem and nothing seems to work. Every time we have SF the entire sexual experience is nothing more than a movie of my wife and her OM. AT times I almost smell the stench of OM in her body and feel somewhat ill. This has been very destructive and I am starting not to enjoy the SF with her. I did not have these sensations after D-day and I wonder if this is normal.

The problem with movies is involving other activities such as cuddling, kissing or any other activity that involves physical contact. As soon as my FWW touches me I can see the movie of her and the OM doing exactly the same. The experience is most pronounced during coitus and immediately after ejaculation where I immediately have a very dramatic movie of that scene.

I am not sure how to deal with this, but it seems to be causing me to resent my FWW to the point where I am considering divorce again. I feel bad because now she seems to be back in the marriage.

Any help is welcomed at this point.

Hey...normal, normal, normal. I have also been surprised at this.

It seemd like while I was fighting for the marriage, I didnt have these problems when I was having SF with her. But, once she was back and wanting to work on the marriage...then I start having issues (the "movie" as you speak of, resentment, etc.)

All I can say is this is normal, and your wife is going to have to understand that you have to go through this. Both of you need to read a lot of the stuff Harley has on this website about resentment and recovery. I am trying to hold onto that myself.

Shoot, we had a minor argument just three days ago over this, where I began to be angry about all of this, and the feelings that you have described above.

So, I guess it is just both of you get educated, both of you are going to have to be patient...and be open and honest about what you are thinking and feeling. If you try to hide it, she will not take it well. And neither will you. You have to be open, and let her help you work thru it.

In His arms.

Hi UM,

Ditto what Mortarman said.... I had to deal with multiple OM so I have some idea of what you're going through.

Our MC told me to try and focus on MY pleasure only during SF... and that with time, and reassurance from my W, that these feelings would pass... Like MM said, you must be totally honest with your W with your feelings...and be patient.

It's been several years since I finally found out about all of my W's A's.... and I can honestly say that with much prayer, lots of patience, tons of hard work, many tears, and a great MC, that we have rebuilt our M. SF with my W is a special gift from God and I have no thoughts at all of the OM anymore.

These feelings will pass, but you and your W must work through this issue... you can't go around it or side step it...

Semper Fi,
RIF

UM:

Movies are a problem here and there, but not constant. The worst movie for me is the OM felling asleep with my wife. I am told he used to fall asleep. I get a flashback of that when I am done having SF and sometimes have to get up quickly instead of talking a little nap and do some cuddling afterwards.

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: Stan-ley ]</small>

I guess I don't get full blown movies, but I know what you're talking about. When my WH have SF, I flash on him doing whatever he is doing to her, instead of me...they are only flashes and I can usually tell myself to stop.

It does suck though.

-Caren

I don't have movies during actual SF.

However, as soon as SF is done I always get the flashback of OM sleeping over my wife's body. During SF I am transported to a beautiful place and then as son as it is done I am back on Earth and the reality hits me (as well as the flash image). I will say it is getting better, but the post SF cuddling is sometimes hard on me.