Hello all.

Hi Lovingb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Hi bb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have been "lurking" some, haven't really had time to post.

Things here have been okay. New Years was boring. We went to a party with friends. It all dissolved into talk about how old everyone is, and their various aches and pains. Are we all getting that old? What happened to the games and dancing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Not going to that party again!

WH went to his first IC last Thursday. He liked the guy (IC specializes in men's problems). Brought home some "homework" to do. I didn't ask him anything about what was said, but WH told me pretty much everything on his own. Said he told the IC EVERYTHING.

I think the worst thing that has happened to me is overwhelming anger at times.

One night, WH rolled over and put his arm around me. ALL I could think was "You've been putting your arm around someone else and telling her that you love her!"

It was all I could do not to smash his face in while he slept!

I finally told him about my feelings yesterday. We had a pretty good talk. I still think he is in somewhat of a fog.

He told me how he has felt like an outsider in our family for years. I told him that because of his anger problem (not in those words, I was very POJA) and his temper that I have taken care of a lot of things without talking to him about for years. Told him it was just easier for a CA like me to do it that way that to have to talk to him about things, and listen to him blow up all of the time about EVERYTHING!

We had a GOOD talk, though. I was trying to convey my feelings to him. He is still "it's all about me". He said "I know you feel that way. But if you knew how I felt, it would scare you!"

I yet hesitate to say we are in recovery. I just keep my eyes peeled, and my ears open. I kind of feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Still staying strong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would be glad to hear from anyone on how to help myself navigate some of the feelings I am having now.

K

Hey K -

It sounds like you and your H are doing very well in recovery...

Recovery isn't all lovey dovey, we're feeling in love... it's hard work... and you and your H are doing the hard work!

Keep it up... as you both learn to share your TRUE feelings with each other, the "good" times will soon start to outweigh the "bad" times...

Thanks again for the great update!

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi RIF....

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, it seems things should be easier. I do find that it is getting easier to say things to WH about my true feelings than it was before.

I am also learning to use the "I" statements without having to stop myself, and think about it first. Makes it a whole lot easier.

I hope the IC helps WH realize a lot. The thing that I find odd is that WH says he thinks this whole thing (his depression, and feelings of being a "piece of $hit", etc) stem from his childhood.

I know that his childhood was no different from most peoples', and his family was no more "disfunctional" than a "normal" family.

He doesn't seem to look at the fact that he didn't go on anti-D's until about 4 or 5 months after his A started.

Is this still fog? Will it ever clear?

In so many ways, I still feel like my feelings and myself are way down on WH's list of important things. He says I have always been first.....I'm inclined to think, "Yes, first after yourself, your feelings, what you do, and what you want!"

Anyway, I know it's not going to be easy.

And I am soooo glad of the support of the board here!

Staying strong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks again, K

k-

I don't have any revelations for you...I'd like to wish you the best of luck though.

I can relate to the feeling you're having about knowing he's had his arm around someone else...been there done that.

I hope everything works out. The fact that he's in counseling is definitely a good sign.

Good Luck Hon, keep us posted

-Caren

Sounds like things are headed in the very right direction. Hang in there. Be patient. Share your feelings. You are doing terrific. It is a long road, but it seems like you two are going to be fine.

Hi Caren and Anne.....

Thanks for your replies.

From reading here, it sounds like it is indeed a long road.

I don't know what to do in some cases....should I tell him how I am feeling when I have those thoughts and feelings, or should I wait? I don't want to push him away with constantly bringing this up.

He goes to his IC tomorrow. I really hope that this guy is pro-marriage (even tho that is not why WH is going to him).

And what about the stuff that I think (don't know) he either got from OW, or was with her when he bought them? There are a few things like this that I am wondering about....

Anyway, I thank you for your replies. They do help.

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what about the stuff that I think (don't know) he either got from OW, or was with her when he bought them? There are a few things like this that I am wondering about....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here's a suestion about the "stuff".

On your own, pack it all in a box and put it away somewhere. Do not make any announcement about what you have packed.

When (if) H asks you: "Hey... I am missing such-and-such. Do you know where it went?"

You tell him: "I have packed away some stuff that triggers bad feelings for me. The stuff is in a box in the garage." (or in the closet, wherever)

See if he asks you about your bad feelings. If he does you tell him :"I look at these objects and it reminds me that you bought them with OW or she may have given these things to you. And since I really have been kept in the dark about where these items came from and what they represent, I decided I can no longer look at them."

"Would you like to explain these items to me, or is it better for us that I throw them out?"

That's what I think would help you.

Pep

Thanks for the suggestion, Pep.

You really ARE a "Jenus"!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K