</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LovingBoundaries:
<strong>So, is my Taker in charge with FWH? If so, is this a bad thing? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it is your taker. Takes doesn't mean literrally taking but making your self happy and avoding at all cost unhappiness. It is hurting you to give, your taker is protecting you. Yes, you are not expecting in return but you still taking whatever he feels he gave you before you are doing this. You are withdrawing to get a reaction from him, very passive agrresive ... How is it working for you ?. That's to gauge how bad it is.

In a healhty M, you should follow Harley's Giver & Taker Rule.
Giver: do whatever you can to make the other person happy and avoid anything that makes the other person unhappy, UNLESS it makes you unhappy.
Taker: do whatever you can to make yourself happy and avoid anything that makes yourself unhappy, UNLESS it makes others unhappy.

I didn't follow your profile from the get go. Right now you are building a resentment. Just curious, how does your FWH come back ? do you ask anything for amends ?or he just come back w/ red carpet welcoming him ?. Is that why you say Plan B opportunity was gone ?, A has ended and you lost your opportunity ?. How long ago his A ended ?

LOL, this is typical SH. SH would let you give, give, and give until you want to take actions. Typical psychologist, he won't tell you what to do. I am surprise SH didn't educate you about Giver and Taker.

Have you read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders ?.

We are thread jacking.

aussieswife, Daisy already told us, it is a tweenkie defense.

-rh-

Giver and Takers each have their positive and negative places. When either is allowed to take over, then an OOB condition exists. It can go either way.

Have you read Giver/Taker by Dr. Harley? It might be enlightening for you.

Your taker will get angry if your H isn't pulling his fare share. When mine was doing that.....contact with OW was still going on. Even though he tried to convince me otherwise. So time tells no lies......in time I found out about the continued contact and my taker went in OT mode. I am not sorry about that. That was a result of his actions. One of the consequences he had to deal with. He wanted to play games, then he danced when I shot the bullets.

See my taker learned to come out and NOT take more garbage. I told him that whatever he worked so hard to hide must have been fun because now that the fun was over, he now deserved to be made miserable, destitute and whatever else I could throw his way. In other words, I deflated his excuse button.

The conditions for return became harder and higher. Not less....

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by aussieswife:
<strong> Orchid just out of pure curiousity I asked in the Psych unit about 'snapped' but they think - after making fun of me for 15 mins - like I have The Helpless Parent Syndrome, or The Loudmouth Syndrome, or Mary Poppins SYNDROME, and living with a Irritable Male Syndrome - so THANK YOU .........lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

they think its an invention by some smart [censored] reporter who couldn't spell Psychosis... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AW,

Sorry you had to endure that torment. ;( Well, the question was whether there was any merit to it..... still not completely disproved, just not acknowledged in many areas. The mind is a complex piece of work...... not guaranteed to work the same under the exact same conditions. Attempts to diagnose it is difficult at best.

This is a hard field to be in. So much left up to interpretation.

BTW, flying to the moon was a dream 100 years ago also. Yet it is now history. Same for cell phones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

redhat said:
"We are thread jacking."

Darn it all! I haven't done that (that I know of) in a little while. I didn't even recognize it until you mentioned it. I'm sorry about that everyone.

How do we move this to another thread?

LB,

The originator of this thread does not think U R threadjacking. Ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So please, tell us more.

L.

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> Daisy-

So not snapping is a fashion thing for you?? LMAO

-Caren </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am the type of person who will point out incorrect change. I have never done anything illegal..I never eventook a pack of gum from a store as a child...I have always been a lawabider. I am also a TERRIBLE liar..especially if I am trying to cover up something I have done wrong.

So in my mind if I were to snap there would be NO question that I would be caught and I would confess. I would not be able to worm my way out of it.

I would definitely go to jail and no I would NOT want my orange clad image on the evening news.

The idea of prison time does deter some people you know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Luckily for my H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> LB,

The originator of this thread does not think U R threadjacking. Ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So please, tell us more.

L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey LB ... come back ... My sis gave us clearence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

^^^

Thanks oaktown!! That was fast <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok LB, it's been a while. What's your giver and taker status now? U know being a taker it not necessarily a bad thing. Balancing the 2 s/b a reasonable goal for each of us.

L.

I've been going back over this thread and am still learning from it. It's interesting that some of the things that were confusing a few months ago make sense to me now.

It's ironic that I probably should have been at most risk of Giver's Snap during my FWH's long illness, but that is when I learned to get my Giver/Taker more in balance as time went on. I do believe that I suffered Giver's Snap during FWH's long EA and that the results of my Taker running the show for about 3 years was the biggest thing (on my part) that contributed to the state of the marriage that preceded his PA with another OW during his EA with the other.

Orchid, I believe that my current Giver/Taker status is getting out of whack again and the result is my Taker wanting to take over--not a good thing if I allow that to happen. What's a better way to get Giver under control?