</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Katie Mae:
needless to say we had sex </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Needless to say that this post is likely to cause pain and hurt to fellow MBers whose spouse is out screwing the OP right now.

Why are you posting about your adultery on a marriage building site if you do not intend to stop your adultery?

Response appreciated, please...

Pep

Katie,

No one said this will be easy. As you found out today. That is why you were told that you cant ever talk to OM, or come near him. Otherwise, the addiction will be too hard.

Think about an alcoholic, who just went on the wagon. Not smart to hang around bars as they try to get away from the addiction, huh?

I want you to think about something here, Katie. I want you to put this in your mind, because I want to spoli what you and OM have. I want it to disgust you. You ready??

Everytime you two have sex from now on, you will remember Mortarman and what he said here. He will be coming onto you, you will be giving in. The clothes will be coming off...and then you will think of me and what I am about to say.

When you do this, you are not alone with the OM. Two other people are there. Do you know who? First of all, God. He is there watching you...it is not a secret. So, as you two lay down together, from now on, you will see Him sitting across the room. Does He approve? Are you proud?

The second person in that room is your husband. Even though he isnt in the room physically at the time (like God is), he is there though. How? Well, when he finally finds out, he will find out that he has been there (because he is half of you...the OM is just some outside entity...you and your H are one). So, in reality...he is there everytime you two hook up.

So, not only are you going to see God sitting across the room watching you, you will now see your husband. do you see it? Picture yourself with the OM this morning. Now add what I have put in your mind. How is the sex now? Is it good, as you are being watched by God and your husband? Is it satisfying? How sexy do you feel while you do this thing?

I am being very hard on you right now Katie because you deserve it AND you are about to make an even bigger mistake than you have already made. God will nto be mocked. You want to do it your way, He is going bring you back. Right now, I believe He has tried to get thru to you with the folks here at MB, and the guilt that is hitting you. But you refuse the help He is offering you, you ignore what He wants...and the next step is exposure. He is going to let your husband know. Dont think it will happen? Katie, you are pressing your luck. And I am afraid, that all of this has been your last chance to come clean on your terms, with you in control. With the best ability to survive and your marriage to survive.

Now, you will walk away, you will push off dealing with this, and you will ignore God. But God is not going to ignore you. And when your husband finds out a different way than you telling him...when he finds out that even guilt was not enough to get you away from OM, he will be even that more angry, that more hurt. And your marriage will be even harder to save. You have shown no respect for your husband, nor your marriage...nor God...nor yourself during all of this. And you continued to disrespect yourself today.

So, I would say "good luck," but I really wouldnt mean it. So, instead, I leave you with those mental images that I hope you have every time you are with the OM. I hope it spoils every bit of the "fun" yo have been having with him.

And, I right now pray to the Lord that He will do WHATEVER it takes to turn you around. Unfortunately, that WHATEVER looks like it will be far more painful to you and to your husband, that what you could have gone thru if you had shown honor and respect and come clean.

We wnat to help. God wants you free from this. Just like the cigarette analogy...many people say "I'll quit tomorrow." Until the cancer hits them...and it is too late to quit and save their life.

You walk away now Katie, and I can guarantee you will be back...but because your marriage has been blown out of the water because you couldnt stop disrespecting yourself and your husband...because you couldnt do the right thing.

I know it is hard. I know it hurts. But the hurt that is coming now will pale to what you would have to face if you had just stepped forward now.

In His arms.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortarman:
And, I right now pray to the Lord that He will do WHATEVER it takes to turn you around. Unfortunately, that WHATEVER looks like it will be far more painful to you and to your husband, that what you could have gone thru if you had shown honor and respect and come clean.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">powerful stuff here...

Pep

mortarman, that post was excellent.

katie, you CAN do this. even though you saw the OM this morning, that does not mean it has to continue. help is here for you, anytime you not only want it but you TAKE it. i'll be here waiting. no judgements. i've been there, done that. but not anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Katie, I will be here for you too once you really listen to Mortarman. I almost lost my H because of my stupidity and stubbornness.

Post deleted by Justuss

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by curly17:
Its not so easy!!!!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Getting into an affair is relatively easy. Getting out is relatively difficult.

Not going to college is easy. Finishing college is difficult.

Just because something is not so easy, doesn't mean it is not worth doing.

Pep

Katie,

I'm very sorry for some of the responses you are getting here. Hurt people hurt people and there are many hurt people here. Your ongoing moral failure triggers them and they lash out because the trigger makes them take it personally. Many don't really understand addiction. They think it's about willpower and that shame will make you stop. Addiction is about powerlessness and recovery is a product of grace. I won't group you with the WS out dishonoring themselves and their marriages with OP because you're HERE while many of them wouldn't be caught dead here.

So let's get to the matter at hand. You fell again and because of that you think you aren't ready to post here? There is great counsel here but you need LIVE SUPPORT of people who are struggling with the same addiction. Is there a SA or SLAA group where you live? The final A in both titles is for ANONYMOUS. Nobody needs to know who you are. Go as a human being who needs help and you will find the support you need to stay away from OM.

How did you fail this morning? The failure was in your thinking. You weren't thinking straight to think you had to see him to tell him you were going to do the right thing now. You did the wrong thing to tell him you are now going to do the right thing! So of course you fell. As I've said before 'we can't get over our sick thinking with our own sick thinking.' We need help. Even if you had seen him and not had sex, it still would've been doing the wrong thing. I can't tell you how many times my addiction has toyed with me and allowed me to not completely cave just to lure me into thinking I was doing better so then I would fall again and be even more hopeless. The withdrawal is fierce. The emptiness of staying away from OM feels like death. And it IS a kind of death. But it is the death that leads to God's life after death. Giving in to your craving fills that emptiness and seems to be life but it is really the kind of death that leads to despair and torment and regret (the hell of the soul). I am not talking about eternal destinies here but destinies in our lives now. So is this the fall that means you're not ready to turn away from OM to life? Or is this the fall where you really see your powerlessness to keep from hurting yourself and destroying your marriage and surrender to God to do whatever it takes to get the help you will need to start on the path of recovery? I don't know the answer to which it is. Do you dare to believe it is the latter?

Xscoundrel, what a wonderful, thoughtful reply!

Katie, please listen to Xscoundrel and take his post to heart. Find ALL the help and support you need to help you overcome this addiction. You CAN do this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Suzet

Post deleted by Justuss

Xscondrel said:

Hurt people hurt people and there are many hurt people here

Couldn't have said it better myself. I think I may put this in my tag line . . . with the proper reference!

Thank you Suzet and Comfortably Numb for your encouragement.

Curly, you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think if we think leave this obsession day by day, step by step, is easier.

Now Im saying to myself, today Im not look him (OM), not today. And well even only is short time since I stopped contact, I think now I can do it.
One day without contact with OM makes me stronger to do other day more.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is a huge insight. One of the most important truths of recovery (and LIFE!) is we do it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sober just for today. I am so glad for you in doing this. I also want to encourage you to seek out support from other people who are struggling with the same obsession. It is incredibly healing to meet and hear from others who can relate from experience to the things that are so shameful to us we think we are the only ones. And it really gives hope to meet people like that...maybe people whose obsessions were even worse and darker than ours... and see that they have not only stopped and stayed stopped but they are growing in a wholeness in their lives that they may never have experienced without the addiction that brought so much pain and destruction. Keep coming here for support but I urge you to find some real life group support too.

Folks,

I agree that Katie still needs to post, to work on this. I do understand that this addiction is real, and very painful. And that the help of people who have been thru this before and have come out the other side doing the right things, is absolutely important.

But, I have to say something also. I cannot speak to others and their intent, but my post before had nothing to do with pain and hurt from my situation. It had everything to do with Katie.

You see, there is one thing I have seen in life. That when confronted with doing right in life, many times we need someone to come along and say "Mortarman, it isnt okay. You are not okay. You are wrong. You are doing wrong. You must not do wrong. No matter what it takes, you must not do wrong." Someone that will walk beside them and help them.

Trying to help an alcoholic while they're drunk is futile. Only once they are ready to go sober are they able to have help. ut I do believe you can help that alcholic while they are still in their sin. It is by not enabling!! Dont hold the bucket under them as they throw up. Dont help them up the stairs. Dont enable!!

Too many people enabled my wife. They said they wished she would do the right thing...but they were still her friend and would be there for her. What the Bible says is that if a believer is in rebellion (continued sin), that they are to be ostracized.Until they are repentent and truly want to seek help.

In prison, EVERYONE is sorry. Most are sorry for getting caught. Some are sorry for what they did.

Katie is sorry. But she isnt repentent sorry. She isnt to the point where she is sorry enough to do the right thing. She would rather continue to be selfish to spare herself pain...all the while increasing the pain of her husband. That is selfishness, and it should not be enabled.

Katie, if you are still reading...I want to help. I REALLY do!! But you are going to have to make a choice. Chose the honorable thing to do, and I promise you the Lord will guide you and we will all be here. And yu will get thru this.

Or continue to chose to protect yourself, look out for yourself, give yourself pleasure at your husband's expense...and you will soon find out what pain is all about.

I am still praying that the Lord does WHATEVER it will take!!

In His arms.