My wife has had an affair and is still emotioanlly tied to him and has had a hard time w/the no contact (the most it has lated is 3 days) - she has agreed to write a no cantact letter and I wanted to see what kind of help you could provide for her. She know she is about to lose me and is also about to go onto anti depressants. Please if anybody has a copy of some no contact letter that they have sent to the op please give some copies so my wife can have somewhere to start.

VDC,
I am a FWS (A only been over for 4 wks.) Let me tell you this...coming from the other end of things, the emotional ties are huge, and hard to recover from. I know from watching my husband that is is extremely hard on the spouse as well. You are both just going through different processes. I, unfortunately, still work with the person I had the A with, so n/c for us is a no personal contact thing.

I did write a letter to the OW (yes, my A was w/ a woman...), but I'm not sure that my letter is necessarily a good model. I was using my letter as closure, so it may have been a little more personal than what it should have been. The part of mine that I thought was helpful to both me and the OW was a section on what I regretted and felt remorse over, and things I had to remember. (like my faith, my vows, and who I really was...)

I can give you more details if you want them. I jusst wanted to encourage you to hang in there with your wife. I know it is not easy. WS go through a grieving period much like someone dying. Just encourage your wife that maintaining contact, in the long run, only slows her own recovery, and makes it more painful each time she tries to cut it off.

Hope this helps. Forgive the babble. (Sleep deprived...)

Here is what Dr. Harley says...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In His arms