For starters, this is my first time on an infidelity board. But, I was convinced that this was where I needed to be. My story has gotten pretty long, so these are the links to my threads on EM:

She called the OM again. WHAT NOW???
How can she fall back in love?
I am really afraid
Just need to rant a little
What is she thinking?

Anyways, the bottom line is W decided to kick me out mid-November. Within a week, I discovered that she was having a serious EA with coworker, where they were talking about PA and meeting-up. I immediately confronted her and she stopped communicating with him outside of work (She only quit her job last week).

Christmas was a disaster and her parents (who we live with to help me get through law school) have asked us to completely separate. Now, per W and my agreement, I do not call, and I only come over to pick up our two sons.

For Christmas I gave W a trip to Idaho to visit a close friend of ours. While there I discovered emails to OM's that seem as though they were introduced to W by the friend. This friend had claimed to be on my side of this situation and now I get the knife in the back.

At this point, W is telling our friends and these new OM's that she is going through a divorce. She has yet to tell me this, though it has been on the table as an option if we can't work things out.

The way things are going now is very similar to Plan B, except that I talk to her when she calls. With this new situation of her seeking OM's, our church leader (CC) is very upset (she promised not to go to OM's until we D, if it happens) and wants to bring her and her dad in to confront them with the facts. She has hidden the dirty details of 1st EA from her parents to minimize their disappointment. But because they are facilitating her "rebellion" CC wants to involve them in helping her see that D is not the answer in this case, but that she needs to grow up.

I will be the first to concede that she got married too young, and that I have not been prince charming. I have not done anything that warrants this kind of response from her, IMHO.

If anybody out there wants to take the time to help me out, I will be forever grateful.

Jeremy

Hi Jeremy, sorry for the situation that brings you here. So you are living apart from your WW right now? Sorry, your story was a little confusing for me. If you are in plan B why are you accepting her phone calls? I don't have much advice, just wanted to make sure someone responded to you. I am sure one of our plan b experts will come along soon. God bless.

Jeremy-

How long have you been separated?? I don't think it's plan B time....and if it were, you shouldn't speak to your WW at all until she agrees to the conditions in the Plan B letter that you give her.

I think you should Plan A as much as you can at a distance. That's what I'm doing (I've been separated for 4 months). I've only been doing it for like a week, so I have no good advice for you, I can only repeat the advice I've been given.

In any event, you're in the right place, if Marriage Builders can't help you, no one can.

It also makes you feel a little more in control to know that you have a plan, at least it does for me.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I wish you luck and I'll pray for you.

-Caren

I guess I can't classify what is happening right now as either Plan A or B, exactly. Right now I am not allowed to meet any of W's EN's. She wants me to call her when I have the kids so she doesn't have to remember. And she wants me to call when she has the kids so she doesn't have to remember (to clarify, it is so that I can talk to the kids).

She asked me to leave 2 months ago to the day. I had been doing Plan A, quite well in fact. However, with the whole Christmas debacle, her mom is basically pushing for divorce, and her dad has asked that I give W and MIL enough space to cool down. So starting New Year's Eve, we are on this hands off, no phone calls, structured separation. She is loving every minute of it. And taking advantage of the freedom it is giving her. And it shows, because she is out shopping for OM's.

At this point, I am pretty much completely out of the loop on the situation. FIL says that the house is a lot less tense now that I am not coming around. But, MIL still treats me with disdain when we do interact (like when I call for the boys to tell her goodnight). W has no interest in working things out. Last week she cancelled MC indefinitely, and asked that we limit our C to our CC. Which is better than nothing, but she is telling pretty much everyone that she is getting a divorce (except me).

^^BUMP^^

:-P

Okay, you need to get a plan. I would suggest Plan A for now. That requires being pleasant and showing her what a great husband you can be.

If there is anything that she complained about, time to change it. Mostly this is the time to work on you, as you can't change her.

How much longer do you have in school?

Well, I confronted her about the OM in the email and she said it was just a friend her friend introduced her to on an internet singles' website. Now the friend is sending me messages condemning me for looking at her emails. This friend new I had been looking at her emails and even told me that as her husband she should have nothing to hide and I should have every right to look at her emails. She is singing another tune now that it is her who instigated the contact. What a crock.

PS- I still have 2.5 years of school left, I just started.