JN,<P>Are you okay? This is a hard. Hard for you and hard for him, and hard for her. Change is very hard, and ending a relationship is hard.<P>Especially if ending it is because you want it to end, and they really don't. I think that is where the danger in all of this is.<P>Do not lovebust - okay? pretty hard to do. But just sit tight, and wait to make any decisions or moves. Ask for his explanation, and let him talk. Don't demand and go off on him, because I'm sure that is what we all would like to do, especially if he came to the forum at this very minute! <P>We'd love to clobber clobber thunk clobber and disable. Disable his head if we had to. But it wouldn't serve any purpose. So, we have to all think together, all support you, and if some of us can pray, that can help. But you need to do everything you can not to react to the situation, okay? We need you to use your logic and mind, not your torn up hurting emotions.<P>

I'm so sorry. You will get a tremendous amount of support here. It saved my sanity during the first few months of recovery. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

JN I just got on line. I know exactly what you are going through and how you feel. I can only hope since you haven't responded in awhile that things are going better. Please know that everyone is rooting and praying for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

JN -<P>Hope and pray that things are going in the right direction.<P>This will be very difficult for all involved.<P>We are here for you when you need us.<P>BIG HUG and Prayers to you and your H,<P>Sheba

JN, I hope things are going to be allright for you. Boy, I can sympathize with this. Again, it's one of those situations where you think you are the only one that something is happening to and you find out that lots of betrayers do the same thing. I really think they must all read the same book. <P>My H told me on a Monday that he was having an affair, but wanted for us to stay together, never stopped loving me the whole time, blah, blah, etc. He said he would break it off with her on Saturday, but she had "made him promise that if he ever broke up with her he would have to do it looking into her eyes so she would know it was what he really wanted" - GAG!<P>H was determined that he was going to meet her, despite my telling him how much I disagreed and how much it would hurt me. Saturday morning I just felt a sense of doom. All of a sudden, I snapped and realized that if he couldn't do this for me, I didn't want him! He resentfully agreed to call her on the phone. I left the house while he was calling - I figured it was a compromise to give him the privacy to end it. I came home two long hours later, after driving around town feeling awful. H rushed out the door and said that they were STILL TALKING! I asked how long it takes to tell someone that you won't be seeing them any more. H hemmed and hawed. I said that our marriage was then over. I couldn't take any more. Thankfully, he went in and told her he had to go and couldn't talk to her any more. Although she called his work voice mail for months, he didn't talk to her any more, although I know he went through a period of withdrawal.<P>I fully believe that if he had met her in person that day, we would be divorced and they would have gotten together, at least for a while. I just knew that what they really wanted was the "fix" of seeing each other again. <P>Sorry, I have no real help, just the same sorry experience that lots of us have apparently had.<BR>

Thanks everyone for all your support. I am doing ok today.<P>He came home. He says he ended it. He says he was listening to her divorce problems. He says he told her repeatedly that they could have no more contact.<P>He said he was actually about to leave when I called him. And that my call angered him, so he stayed longer to talk more. He said he's pretty sure he was clear, she understands and she won't call him again. I am not so sure she wont call again.<P>Last night really hurt me. He says he's sorry for the way he handled it. I guess now I just need to believe that he really did end it, move on, and start working on us.<BR>Thanks for all your support.<BR>JN

JN...that pisses me off that your H felt that he needed to get back at you by staying longer w/her just because you called him and that made him angry. After all, he was supposed to just tell her "it's over" and just leave. He didn't need to be hanging around, dilly dallying and listening to her pathetic sob story. Give me a break! Who gives a crap about her problems? She helped create them and in the meantime, destroyed another marriage, as well! <P>But, I guess the main point is that he told her it is over. Sorry if I sound a bit sarcastic, but I get so sick & tired of a betrayer hurting his/her spouse's feelings.<P>I really do wish you & your H well in a full marital recovery. It will be a long rocky road, but no one ever said, life was easy.<P>Best of luck to you....remember to vent here when you need to....you'll get a lot of support here.

I think we all feel that we want others to learn from our own pain to spare them.<P>Unfortunetly this is not always possible. I too wish you the very best. You have a long hard road ahead of you...but it does get better and you and your H have the power to make your marriage what you want it to be.<P>To be honest his attitude concerns me, but a betrayer is not thinking too clearly, either. I hope this was the last of it.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13