Many times i said i was done with WH and was moving on without him... I could go days without contact but i still miss him and the hints were there in ALL my previous postings.

But NOW...i finally got it.

I no longer have any contact whatsoever with WH and I FEEL GOOD! I have reach the "i dont care" stage.

I never thought i will actually feel this way. When i read posting about other members who HAD reach this stage, i always wonder what does that feel like...not caring anymore...not feeling...not hurting...i wonder if i will ever get to that stage.

It took a long long struggle and a long rollercoaster ride but HERE i am!!!

I am living a good life and i am finally happy again.

I am no longer obssesed with WH...no longer care about WH. No more crying....no more panic attacks...No more crazy thoughts...No more feeling like the whole world is crashing down...Nope...none.

I can totally ignore WH without any feeling of guilt that i should be NICE or friendly to him. I dont call him. I dont text message him. I can walk away from WH and feel nothing much.

It took 4 months false recovery, a bad plan A, a messy plan B, a hanging plan D and lots of reading to finally see the light from my very own BS fog.

I am not angry with WH or hate him...i just dont care.

It is also not about me getting ready to give up on the marriage...part of me still loves the idiot but i just dont care about trying so hard to save it.

I am giving WH two years...just like it was in the SAA...

End of May i will file the papers and move on. That is...IF i can hang on that long because sometimes i do get days when i feel angry and just want to quit...but those days are getting fewer.

I am glad i didnt divorce him earlier. I am glad i took the long road. I feel i need this long break call it plan B or not...to get strong for Divorce and find peace that this is the road i need to take eventually.

I kept a diary and i noted all those ups and downs i made. I told him back one year ago that i will love him and made a choice to stay married with him forever even if he doesnt love me...eeeewwwwwwww....now i cannot believe i text message him THAT. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I guess there is no short cut for some people and i am one of them. I believe i was in some kind of denial and only now i finally get it.

*sigh* I don't even want to "get it".

I honestly can't do this alone, I can't do this (this being life) without him.....I really don't feel I can. So I will stay the course, and do whatever I need to to make that happen. I can't except anything less.

I'm glad you are in a peaceful place, I'm so happy for you....maybe it's just still too fresh for me, I dunno.

In any event, I wish you the best....you deserve it.

-Caren

Zizzy,

I am so happy for you. You are in a great place right now. You go girl!

HINY

Zizzy - That is so good to hear. I got to that place too. Lostandhurt got there too. She took a nice trip to China to celebrate.

It is good to know that you are safe from the Tsunami. I was very worried about you and your family.

Hi ZC:

Your post is well spoken. Glad that you now have some resolve. None of us know the future so I will not go there. However; I can offer this to you: When friends & loved ones ask me if I still love, or "am in love" with WXW, I finally realized the definitive answer. No; I am not still in love with her; but I am still very much in love with the thought of her and always will be! Once I realized the difference between (the reality) of my WXW and the thought of her - I was able to release the past and move on. I feel sad for where her life is, where it's headed - and wish that I could help - but I can't. However, I am happy with the direction that my life is now headed and I'm seeing things clearly again. It's a good feeling!

Caren: I've read some of your posts and encourage you to continue your path. You have to do this because it's the right thing to do. There are many who stay the course and recover their M. I hope you're one of those. Good Luck!

FR

Zizzy I hate to thread jack,

But Believer can you have lostnhurt post for me please?

I really would like to see how she is doing.

Thanks,

HINY

You sound like you are at peace with things. Good for you. "Que sera sera"! TT

Hi Zizzy...

I'm so glad you are in that place - I call it "I Don't Care St". I knew exactly when I turned that corner.

Even tho WH and I MAY be in recovery, the feeling of I don't care is still with me. I am working very hard on our M, but if it doesn't work out, I don't care!

I knew I could then step away, and still feel good and strong about myself.

And I don't mean that I don't care about WH or our M, it just means that I can now see a life for myself beyond that - a happy life. And I know I can have a happy life either way!

What a wonderful place to be! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

CarenMc...it takes time to reach this level...you will get there oneday. Take your time and dont rush it. If i can get "IT" so can you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Time will heal...

HopeNY...you can thread jack anytime!! I am glad to hear recovery for you is going good.

Believer...yes luckily that tsunami did not reach here...Thanks for your thoughts. I live in Sabah so its a little further away but still part of Malaysia.

K721...i am not sure when i turn that corner but i am glad to be HERE finally... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />