I posted in the Divorced/Divorcing about my H and I separating. My H just returned from a 1 week retreat in CA. We live in Canada. I suspected that he has had something going on with one of the other participants. This group has now had three retreats. I found phone bills with many many calls to her over the last few months and I asked him to come clean. At first he denied anything but a friendship. My gut has been telling me that it is more. He got home last night, I gave him a warm hug and told him I was glad he was home. I was making one of his favorite dinners and we had a pleasant time. Once the kids left and went downstairs we started a discussion on the issues of the separation. We have a mediator appt tomorrow and I wanted to make sure we covered everything. Once he started feeling resentful about the $ issues and started being difficult about things it seemed the gloves came off and the nastiness crept in. So much for Plan A. I always feel defensive. I brought up the subject of OW and told him that without complete honesty I could never trust him to be honorable in all our dealings. Well be careful what you ask for! He says that the OW who lives in AZ (married with 2 kids and 15 yrs younger than me) and him are in love and want a relationship. I freaked out and asked what he expected to happen when they live in two different countries. Not only that but does he expect her to move here w or wo her kids. Does he expect to leave his kids and go there? How can you have a relationship based on deceit? Her husband must have some say about all this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think it is a springboard relationship for both of them, but they see it as so real! My teenage sons think he is whacked and they have no respect for him. I think they are afraid of him leaving them and going to her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Should I call OW or her H and put it all on the table? I had been feeling good about the separation and the possibility of finding a new ground for rebuilding our marriage. If he keeps her in the picture how do I keep trying?

First off, what is a life coach?

Second, separation does not help the situation, it makes it harder. But if there is no choice, then you will have to go that route...especially if you dont have a choice and he is leaving.

Third, contact OWH immediately and blow this thing open. Let this group know that he met her at. Expose, expose, expose!!

In His arms.

LNSS,

I am sorry for your your pain.

The time for exposure is long past. You have the info you need. Don't bother calling the OW...go directly to her husband. Tell him everything you know.

And please.....do not tell your own H you are going to contact the OWH!

Do it and be prepared for hissing, spitting, mad H once his control over his illicit love affair has been brought to the light of day.

Whatever he says....he WILL get over it.....try to take what he spews at you as though you had a teflon on!

Thank you being so supportive.
MM - a life coach is someone who is trained to help people to find balance in their lives and find out what core values they have and help with acheiving a wonderful existance on this earth! I have great problems with the whole concept of you are only culpable to yourself and the individual is most important even at the expense of others. I don't think the group would have any adverse issues with their relationship as it is what they truly believe is right and true for them.

I have been living in limbo for so long while he was deciding if he could afford to leave us. I was in fear of being left in a large home and not being able to maintain it. I felt better and more in control once I found a new home that I could afford with the kids. My hope was if we spent some time alone we could find a way to rebuild away fron a place of bad memories.

AA & Pickle - I already told H that I felt the need to talk to the OW Husband. I have a hard time believing that OWH is okay and knows the whole story as my H professes. I feel the OWH and I could form a united front against our families being torn apart by a long distance, go nowhere but to h*ll, mid life crisis relationship.

I am warp speeding between profound pain, sadness and profound anger. I am having trouble looking after the things that need to be done at work, I own my own business.

Should I call OWH today?

Shelly

Shelly,

Call now.

What's the name of the life coach organization: ME! ME! ME!?

LNSS,

Call today. Don't beleive ANYTHING your H tells you. Remember...he is trying to protect the affair. He will lie to do that, if he has to.

Odds are good that the OWH doesn't know. And even if he does...by calling him, you'll likely gain an ally.

Call him today!

I was going through some papers this am while trying to get the financial info all together. H keeps alot os stuff in a basket on his Hiboy dresser. I found a letter from his mother, she must have sent it to his work. In it she addresses the issue of our relationship, which has been strained from day 1 almost 20 years ago. We were living together and had set a wedding date. Another sibling was getting married and we were at the wedding. The photographer was taking photos and the parents specifically excluded me. Never in all these years have they apolgised or tried to get to know me and appreciate all my fine qualities. I was the divorcee with a kid who tarnished the family.

THis letter basically says that because of me they cannot visit anymore and even though MIL can try to get along the FIL cannot tolerate me. By the way I am the only non-[censored] kisser DIL in the family - he also thrives on admiration like my H. I never forgave the many slights and now that I read the letter I realize that with the firm influences they have had over the years that I probably never had a chance.

I know that I need to get past this hurt and continual betrayal but the anger is helping me to stop feeling the love that hurts too much!

I want to pick up the phone and tell them how this has affected me but my throught is that it wouldn't make a bit of difference other that to convince themselves that I am unworthy of their sons love and respect.

Anger, ANger, Anger is eating me alive. I want it to end.