Is this the type of Rollercoaster ride I can expect?

Back to square one I see. You already asked this question several times and received answers to it. One of my favorite quotes is this: "To the novice the possibiities are endless but to the expert, the options are few."

To translate this for you I will say that your repetitive questioning constitutes "fishing" and the answers you get are mere "possibilities". In reality there are only a few answers that matter to you personally and those are the ones that come from your wife. Because you do ask the same questions over and over again, you give the impression that you don't listen and if you don't listen , you won't LEARN. If you don't learn, you won't CHANGE either.

The few options in this case are the Basic Concepts . Becoming an expert in these will enhance your relationship. You have the books, you counsel with SH and you have a ton of threads of your own that you can PRINT out and read.

You have more than enough information at your fingertips but it appears you are more interested in getting board responses than actually DOING anything to help your marriage. Asking too many questions (and the same ones at that) can an effective stalling technique but unless you actually APPLY the answers, will NOT help you get to your goal, a better marriage. The most pertinent answers are in your sessions with SH and in the Basic Concepts.

The reason I'm saying this TA, is that the rollercoaster effect seems to be coming from you. Continual drama with no plot. She's giving you a chance by talking with you, don't turn it into yet another drama. Saying you have a meeting with SH "to deal with this situation" makes it seem as if there is a situation. If you have been married 28 years, you do know how to talk with her right?

The core situation is this: You need to get your act together and start working again at something, ANYTHING. You've had way too much idle time on your hands and this is a PROBLEM for you and her. The fact that she doesn't KNOW doesn't mean she hasn't felt the fallout from it. In fact she has been the ONLY object of your "attention" to the point of wanting nothing to do with you. Annoying behavior, remember? You've got nothing going on and she's the partially unwitting victim of this. You NEED to tell her the TRUTH.

This is YOUR rollercoaster TA and you're the one who has to operate the controls. Become an expert in Marriage Building, don't focus your everyday existance on what your wife does and says but on what YOU do and say. Focus on your OWN issues through your IC, get back to working, do your homework to become an expert (the books) and things will start to fall into place. Taking a break from the forums as K, (who is one of the most respected veterans here) suggested to you seems like a good idea also. KB

Thanks KnewBetter, I needed that.

I will heed your great advice. I'll only visit this site when needed.

Andrew

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She has always been very attached to our children.

She said on D-Day she didn't care what happened with the children, she wanted to start a new life, a new beginning. I was shocked when she made this statement. I know she adores her children, our daughter is her best friend.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TA:

My FWW was planning on leaving her kids too. She was so much in love with her OM, she was willing and planning on leaving the kids, the house, the furniture, the dog, and me. She justified it based on her strong love for the oM. Today, post fog, she can't believe what she did or was going to do.

She has disconnected with the OM and reconnected with me. Today, she would not leave her kids and was sick to her stomach last mother's day to think she was going to walk away from her family.

I believe your wonderful wife has had a problem with her OM and I suspect she has found out the OM was not going to really leave his wife. She is coming back to you slowly but to protect herself, she continues to blame you for HER actions. Your mannerism and your past history is the reason and the justification for her actions, in her mind. They do rewrite history to justify their lies and deceit. Today, as I did, accept all the blame. In time, you will come to accept the fact that it was her selfish and self serving attitude that allowed her to do the things she did to you and the kids.

I say she is in withdrawal. This No real affair approach is stupid and niave. Lovers fall in love over coffee breaks and lunches at the workplace. Sex doesn't matter or determine the love. She could have called in sick and you would have never known her day away with the OM.

Eventually, she will need to be truthful with you to deal with her conscious. A person drinking a bottle of wine a day out of the clear view is doing it to cope. Mine did very similar things. She lived a dual life and drank every night to cope with it.

Just my thoughts.

toosoon