I am going crazy right now, yet I know this is what happens in this sitch.

My WW and I spoke about her friend/OM today. She has no idea what she is doing.

She has the nerve to try and justify her R with him.

He understands my work!
He is just a friend!
I like his company!
He makes me feel alive!
Nothing is going on anymore!
I don't understand!
I want privecy in my life!


Am I alowed to reply to this with....

Let me try to understand you're work!
I was/am you're best friend!
You say you like my company!
I can make you feel alive!
He buys you panties and undergarments. something is going on!
I am unable to understand this, If I had a female friend that I bought silk panties for would you say she is just my friend?
You want privacey divorce me!

I know this is all fog talk, yet she is making me so mad right now. She wanted to know if I would hang out with her tonight. She moved in with her OM....What the H*ll is that.

If I could, I would drag her in front of everyone she has hurt and ask her to explain it all to each person. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR HER TRY TO EXPLAIN TO 15 PEOPLE AT ONCE.

Sorry I am just so mad right now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She wanted to know if I would hang out with her tonight. She moved in with her OM....What the H*ll is that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have gonna have to say that that is some THICK fog she's got going on around her. Holy crap. I haven't heard that type of audaciousness in a while.

I would even go so far as to add to your list here, if I may be so bold:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He buys you panties and undergarments. You moved in with him. Something is going on! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All signs do point to something going on.

I remember during our separation, my FWH used to try and tell me that him and the OW barely talked. I could tell a difference in his behavior after he'd spent any time with her. I am not a complete idiot. Yet, he really believed at that time that if he repeated something enough times, I would think, "Well, he's said it a lot of times now, I will forget all the other stuff I know and just know this new stuff."

I'm going totally with WAT's alien/mothership theory. Hang in there.

Spidey

I understand, my WW was and is a differant person when she has been with her OM.

I just don't know how much one person is able to take.

Her list of lines get larger all the time.

She always has a reason and I do want to throw it back at her....

But she wont see it..

Sucks right now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

There is so much that I could say about all of this but my time is limited so -

Of course there is something going on but it will do you know good to argue with her about it.

You are allowed to do whatever you want but my advice is to avoid these interactions so if it were me I would not respond to any of it unless you are well versed in reverse babble.

I love the privacy one. File that one away for your Plan B letter:

"Privacy is fine; you have the right to privacy, but I will not tolerate secrecy."

You can only use this one when she is repentant and you are calling the shots.

When I used to get angry I went to the gym and took it out on the equipment, all the while imagining OM's face in front of me and smashing it to a bloody pulp.

I hope this helps.

I hate when they use "privacy" as an excuse.

My WH used it often. The A was his private life and wasn't any of my business. Major fog talking.

He is still like that today, he moved to Vegas from NJ with the OW. He didn't tell anyone. His family and me thought he was still living in the area, but wanted his privacy. No one knew he was living out there until I received DV papers from Nevada.

We don't even have a physical address for him, he rents out a mailbox that looks like an address so he can receive packages.

He won't tell anyone what he is doing, were he is working, and he won't even confirm the OW is out there with him. I know she is, cause he XH told me she is living out there. Plus, I'm not stupid, but that is part of the fantasy. Living a secret life with all the adventures of an A. Fantasy will become reality someday, then the fog will lift.

Having a private life doesn't mean you have to lie, cheat and keep everything a secret.

alank, I motion you consider moving to plan B very soon. You plan A'd your butt off since last spring, if I remember right. Foggy WW has now rejected you and moved in w/OM. I think it is time that you shut her out of your life until she is willing to commit to your M. I could not believe the fog. She tried to borrow $$ from you, then wants to hang out w/you.

Really think harde about plan B, the time is right, IMO.

Bear04,

I have started my Plan B letter and I did post it a few days ago. I have not gone back to finish it yet, why, I don't know.

I guess I keep on waiting for the fog to lift.

It is amazing how thick it is, perhaps Canadian fog is thicker than most? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I had decided to give this two weeks to see what happens and for me to get things in order before the leap to Plan B.

Anyway, I feel good right now, getting my oldest ready for her tap class, if anyone wants advice on how to make a girls hair look like a rats nest, give me a call. I can upload some pictures for you.

I think it looks........well I dont know if I could describe it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Alan,

You sound good. I know this totally sucks but you are handling all of this so well. You even manage to have a sense of humor. That is what will you get through it.

Strange conversation this am with my WW.

She called to say good morning to the kids, when she was done my 6 year old gave me the phone and my WW was waiting to talk to me.

Very plesant conversation, just asking about my day untill I told her of an account rep I have with a local paper that was in to see me. I have known her for 7 years, my WW knows her as well as we have gone out with her to many social outings.

Well now my WW starts asking me questions about her such as...

What does she know about our sitch?
she is a very good looking lady don't you think?
She is still single right?
You like her don't you?

This went on for a few mins untill I finaly realized she was Jealous of this woman.

She finaly came out and asked me if I had any interest in going out with her?

Well this was the most funny thing I have herd come out of her mouth in a while.So I was very honest, she is just a friend of mine.

Thats all I said, she thought on this for a long time before she told me to have a nice day and said goodby.

How does she have the right to even ask me that, I laughed all the way to work with this one.

I wanted to add that I am using you're definition of friend, I may stop at the mall and pick her up some silk undies as thats what friends do, or so you say.

I don't know what that was but it was fun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
"she is just a friend of mine"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have NO IDEA how much I enjoyed reading your response!!!

THE perfect response to your wife who is having an affair and she inquires about someone you know....

EVERY single WS ends up saying the ever foggy .... and usually with a tone of OUTRAGE ->HOW can you even THINK I am doing something wrong?? (hurt look) We're just friends, that's ALL. You are so controling!" (sulk)

You did great Alan.

Pep

Thanks Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I felt like I owned the world this morning when I told her that. I don't think it was a LB, however even if it was, it felt great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Truth, without attitude, is not a Love Buster!

I agree w/Pep.

Now WW has something "else" on her mind today!

All this after a conversation with her child, for which she is already experiencing huge guilt for her "temporary insanity" neglect.

Perfect set of circumstances in your favor.

Enjoy!
SD

Thanks SD

I feel good and she has not called me since.

I hope these little things help her fog to lift a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I herby nominate Alan for "Most Improved Marriage Builder" of the month. He has progressed from:

"I am afraid that by moving back in I will do nothing but anger my WW to the point we wont have a chance at recovery."

to:

"she is just a friend of mine" inside of one month.

Sincerely, you have demonstrated the correct balance (IMHO) of compassion, humility, willingness to admit and change your own deficiencies, and the ability to stand up for yourself when that is what is required. And humor to boot! Bravo!

And yes, I believe that you managed to cut through the fog, if only briefly, with that last one.

Thanks Legato

You and everyone else here have done so much for me.

You have shown me it's ok to have boundries and to think of myself and my kids in all that I do.

I have a differant outlook right now..

I want my M, very much so, I love my W, I have issues with my WW and that is ok. I try hard not to Lb, sometimes I win sometimes I don't.

Life carries on and it is one heck of a ride. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Life carries on and it is one heck of a ride. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"It's a Great Puzzle... but you gotta like games".

- from "The Great Puzzle" by Jules Shear.

Best part of this ride is the small amount of payback I have had today, and it's not realy payback yet it makes me feel a bit better about everything.

My WW gets to babble at me, she should have some back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I wish I was this strong all the time, but I have many more days with that feeling in the pit of you're stomach.

I told her I was going out tonight, I am yet it is for work. She did not ask what I was doing or with whom, yet I could here it in her voice, she wants to know.

alank

Look and smell your very best tonight when you go out to work. Remain evasive about where and what you are up to, and how long you'll be gone.

No lies, mind you, just give her foggy little brain a little nudge!

Whatever her favorite cologne or after shave is.... wear it!

Whatever her favorite shirt or sweater of yours is......wear it!

Light and lilting air of personality, almost unusually happy to be off to work.

Bring her a single stem rose from the grocery when you come home, then go on about your business as if nothing happened..... because.... nothing did happen!

IMHO
SD

Great idea SD.

I love the part about the rose.

Thanks for everything.

I don't put much stock in this stuff. It's too much akin to game playing and leads to questions that have to be answered honestly.

What you did before with the "we're just friends" was good because it was truthful but now what if she asks, 'Are you dating someone?' you have to say 'no' which leads to 'well then why the cologne and everything' and on and on.

Also, if you go ahead and be dishonest and try to pretend that you are with someone then you've lost the moral high ground in their eyes. Now they have another way to justify their own behavior.