I spoke with WW on the phone this evening. In and of itself, not a strange occurrence....

I had asked her to call, and she did. I had wanted to pass along some more lawyer/D related info, and discuss some of that stuff.

That wasn't strange either. We had twice since Jan. 1 discussed the logistics of the D, both brief and rushed conversations.

The strange part for me came when I ended the call. I looked and we had talked for 35 minutes.

35 minutes.

We mentioned the D, only briefly, at the beginning and the end of the conversation. In the middle, we talked about my apartment search, about jobs, about car salesman, and the Dukes of Hazzard. (It's being filmed around here.)

And if only for a few minutes, the monster was gone. The person who I thought my W to be was there. It was almost like the movies, where "the ghost" seemed so real that it had to be, right?

But I know better. And I guess that saddened me a little, knowing that that person is probably in there somewhere, but just covered by years and a lifestyle of lies, and cheating and deception.

But for those few minutes, it was different. At least for me it was. Perhaps it was the removal of pressure because this mess will be "over" soon. I don't know. I hope it was different for her, too.

We laughed and joked together. We had some similar views on some things, and some different views.... It was a conversation, that had it been between someone I had just met, I would be impressed with, that I'd want to do again.

When the conversation was over, I told her it was good talking to her (I called her by her name then, something I didn't do that often when we were together, and probably haven't in at least a year or so) and hung up.

It was really, really strange.

I hope that person that I talked to tonight comes back one day. Not for us, not for me, but for her.

Sometimes I wish that part of me that wanted her to really be like that would just be quiet....

Ya know?

Ethan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope that person that I talked to tonight comes back one day. Not for us, not for me, but for her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This may not count for much, under the circumstances, but can I tell you that's one of the most selfless things I've ever heard on these boards.

You TRULY... are a good man Ethan.

Ethan,

I had a similar experience just this evening. WH and I were talking on the phone - he is out of town. He still resides here, but we are heading for D. He has had several A's and is lying about one at the moment. I don't think he knows I am aware of what is going on. I'm waiting for the right moment to confront him. All that being said, we had a very pleasant talk on the phone about his family, the kids and business that took him out of town. At the end I said it was hard to believe that we were as far away as were really were. He agreed. I added, "But we are are." I didn't want him to think I thought it was all okay again. He said he missed those close times and said that I did too. When I hung up I had to remind myself that he is lying to me even now - contacting OW just this morning. What a shame that his selfish behavior will ruin so many lives.

Be strong!

Ethan,

I wish that for just one moment your WW would wake up and see what she's about to loose. She may never never find this kind of love and committment ever again. You are truly a gem and if you ever get married again, this women would be just so so lucky.

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by thefurnitureman:
<strong>
I hope that person that I talked to tonight comes back one day. Not for us, not for me, but for her.

Ethan </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hi Ethan,

I have had some conversations like that too with my STBXH.Before I stopped talking to him like a plan B I allowed these discussions to take place,even though they made me uncomfortable.Not only could I see how easy it would be to fall back into talking with him and joking and laughing about life in general and the kids,etc but I could also see how much he enjoyed taking this time with me knowing that he had me and could also then have his other life still intact too with the homewrecker.

As my WH once painfully said to me,it was a deep emotional attachement he had to this person,something once only shared by us two.I will never be able to share that again with him knowing he gave that away to someone else.

His conversations with me weren't at all about me it was about how much he could still take from anyone around him so HE could be happy.He didn't understand that at all because all he could see was how talking to me made HIM feel,not that I was not doing well or felt uncomfortable around him.He pressured me to keep in contact under the guise of the children's sakes.

I too feel saddened at all the loss incurred from this horrible experience but the way my STBXH is now,I would not want to even know him anymore.No friendship,no relationship.I don't have a "romantic" notion of my WH being inside somewhere,waiting to come out one day hopefully.To me it's been more of a realization that this is who my WH really is now,deep down.

The part of me that had hoped for better is still now.I don't go there anymore.

Stay true to yourself.

O

Thanks for the kind words.....

I wanted to revisit this today, after a day to reflect, in the event that I felt differently about it.

I didn't.

I guess that's good.

OG,
Don't misunderstand. I don't want to be friends. Not now, not after the D. But I still hold to the fact that if she were able to eliminate other people (big if) from our lives, that at the root we were two peas in a pod. I guess that's the disheartening thing that's still out there.

I've worked on letting go of a lot. I don't know how important letting go of the image of what might have been is to my overall recovery.

And as angry and hurt as I have been by her actions, I'm still not to where I want to believe that she is inherently "bad." Maybe bad at marriage, bad for me, but I have a hard time grasping that she is bad.

Guess I'm a sucker.....

Ethan

Sometimes I wish that part of me that wanted her to really be like that would just be quiet....

I am in the same view with OG. YOu can keep it quiet if you dont allow yourself to go into any conversation with your stbx.