I am getting very close to inspecting the cell phone records, which I believe, will tell the tale. Of course, I am scared to death to see this in print, yep - I knew it. But I believe it is in my best interest to know for sure if he is talking with a OW, gf and how often, and who it might be.
Right now he is in another state with a few days off, he did not tell me this until he checked into his motel room the other night. He knows that with no notice, I can not leave work. Plus, for the last two days, while he supposedly is just sitting there all by himself, he has shut off the cell phone all day long !!!
We talk on the phone at night, and he seems ok. But there are just too many signs for me to ignore. The cell phone records will tell the truth. Plus, someone has been calling my house with ppp private name. Leaving no message. hmmmm
So --- if I do find this out --- HOW do I handle it ?? I do not want to push him further away. As he is not even here, but on the road driving a truck. grrrr I have been Plan A ing like crazy. Sending text messages that are borderline pathetic !! Just trying to get my point across. I have backed off sometimes and that encourages him to call.
Please tell me how you handled D Day. I would certainly like a heads up on what to do or not to do.
Thanks so much.

Car

I cried like a baby <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Then I wanted to hurt someone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Then I cried like a baby. Not proud of either one. That was over a year ago and I still have the same feelings. I wish I would have found MB before D day. I think I would have handled things a little better. Maybe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Share this process with someone you trust so that when you get information you will not have to be alone. You will be devastated. However, do not let your fearfulness of the truth keep you from seeking the truth. This knowledge is power. It will help you from feeling crazy because he will deny, deny as long as possible.

My FWH would turn his cellphone off when he was with the OW. That is a standard part of the script and a sign that something is going on. There is no legitimate reason for your H not to be available to you 24/7.

You can also use this forum as a source of support. We have BEEN THERE-DONE THAT.

Hi Mimi. thanks for replying. My H calls me Mimi. that is his nickname for me.
Oh my gosh, he did have his cell turned off for two days. Now I am really a wreck. I knew something (the worst) was, is up.
Please advise. Should I check cell phone records asap ? Then what ?
Thanks for all replies.

Car

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

Yes. Go ahead and check the cellphone records, if you can.

There is no logical, legitimate reason for him to have his cell phone off for two days. You need to be able to get in touch with him whenever you want to.

How did I handle d-day? I went to the OW's house and had an adult conversation with her for 3 hours. (I'm not suggesting this though)

Then, I went home, prayed for some motivation to clean my house and did just that. I took my hurt and anger out on the dust and laundry.

I figured my husband would be more receptive to discussing the state of our marriage in a clean house rather than a cluttered house. By the time I was finished cleaning, I was calmed down and not ashamed of being thought of as a poor housekeeper.

I had to do something to keep myself from going crazy, I guess.

On my D-day, I held most of it inside me. I didn't tell WH for several days because I wanted to get myself together about everything. I talked to a lawyer and had IC before I even mentioned anything. A lot of things I did on auto-pilot. I drove to the grocery store and once there realized I had forgotten my purse. I spent a lot of time on the computer playing Solitaire. I don't remember much of that period.

I cried a lot. And screamed and shook and yelled and cried some more. I wrote many, many pages in my journal. I called a trusted friend who'd been divorced. We met for beer and sympathy.

When my emotions were in control, then I confronted him.

Whatever you do, do NOT do what I did!! I completely and totally fell apart. I cried and cried until I had little broken blood vessels all over my face. I begged. I couldn't go to work for weeks. I seriously contemplated suicide and even had a plan. In the end, I just couldn't leave my daughter with that thought of me, but I still wanted to die for several months.

I finally got an IC. Counseling is not a quick fix, but I continue to go and I get better as time passes. Then, a few months after d-day, I found this site. I read every article, every question, every answer. I bought books regarding affairs. I read everything I could get my hands on.

Then I started Plan A. I guess that is really what I'm trying to tell you......PLAN A. Read up and implement it asap. Don't waste any time.

Should you check cell phone records? YES. Don't tell him that you did that. He'll only put passwords on the account preventing you from doing this again in the future. You really want to keep that information available to you.

Be prepared, WSes will deny deny deny. I know of BSes that have walked in on their WSes w/ the OP, and the WS will tell them it's not what they think.

First things first. Check the cell records. Come back here & post your findings. Then get guidance for your next move. STAY CALM. Easier said than done, and don't I know it.

L&A

Oops, double post.

L&A

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Lost & Alone ]</small>