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RedHat.....my only comment is "look at the source".....always a great place to start!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I saw a Statistic here today where only 6 out of 100 (6%) people who follow MB principles stay intact. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My guess would be much like the poll shows right now....I would guess that about 60% save their M after an A and even higher when BOTH partys are actively giving it their best effort. Of course.......I am the ultimate optomist!! Atruheart <small>[ January 13, 2005, 04:23 AM: Message edited by: atruheart ]</small>
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LM,
I do believe children are a MAJOR factor in keeping a M intact, but that does not mean these M are tolerated or just livable. IMHO, the majority of M which stay intact b/c of the children are in fact SAVED b/c of the children. What I mean by SAVED is, M are not not tolerated or livable, but there is actally LOVE and Reconciliation.
I believe my children have saved (are saving) my M. If it weren't for them, I and maybe FWW would have left long ago. The boys kept me hanging on, and I am glad they did.
Also, for this poll, what constitutes a saved M. Is it time, feelings, etc or a combination of things.
I would like to vote, but I am not sure if enough time has passed.
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I find it hard to believe that 76% of marriages stay intact. If true, then I am truly motivated by these numbers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm assuming that these people are NOT using MB principles so I would assume that ours should be even higher. I have two kids 11 & 15 so this gives me even more hope. Also the fact that we have been together 28 years and my wife knows I truly love her. I also don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or have any bad vices. I was not meeting her EN's so I still have hope. I pray daily for Gods help, I hope he hears my prayers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Andrew
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would be willing to surmise that CHILDREN are a MAJOR....MAJOR (95% IMO) factor in deciding to divorce (or not) after infidelity. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe, maybe not.
In my case...nope. I have grown children as well, and they aren't with my H. Just stayed for love I guess.
<small>[ January 13, 2005, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: betrayedinjersey ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by betrayedinjersey: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would be willing to surmise that CHILDREN are a MAJOR....MAJOR (95% IMO) factor in deciding to divorce (or not) after infidelity. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe, maybe not. In my case...nope. I have grown children as well, and they aren't with my H. Just stayed for love I guess. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BIJ: Congratulations on your recovered marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LM
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I find it interesting that you phrased the question as to 'salvaging' a marriage. To me that would not be enough. Nor would 'saving' it. The important point here is how many actually recovered their marriages and came out on the other side with it being real. Not just where they were sans affair, but with a truly new and stronger committment to the relationship.
I would be afraid to guess how many have 'saved' their marriage only to find that things have gone back to the way they were; the only difference being no A in progress.
My question is : how many people actually have a recovery plan in place, follow it and end up with a better relationship because of it?
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Victoria, I believe that RH meant good recovery. Salvaging is the 1st step, solid recovery and happy marriage the ending result. For many this is still a work in process. So as not to discourage or discount their efforts, I would say he is looking for those headed in that direction. JMHO, of course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> L.
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Sorry, Late reply. This is Live from Las Vegas ... no, I am not gettin' M <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> , I am watching 2 D's Skating Competition. atruheart - No, I am not expecting 6% I expect 100% if both follows MB properly it is guranteed by W. Harley itself and no one fails !. I share that believe ... give me a lady that I am capable of fulfillin her's ENs and let me gift her 4 gifts of love ... in 6 months she would fall in-love w/ me. Of course I have to be willing to do it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . The keys is willing, capable & letting. victoria farrar - I hear you and I am not statiscian <sp>. Actually in the poll's choice I stated for both recovering and recovered not just get rid of OP (salvage M from an A). We both know if they use MB to recovering their M, in-love would be created. Orchid - thanks sis <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . So far ... 60 votes, 75% (45) yes and 25% (15) no. Interesting ...not far from dear peggy's research. -rh- <small>[ January 13, 2005, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
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My marriage is sooooo much better than it was pre-A thanks to MB.
It all comes down to choices.
We chose to love each other when neither of us felt love feelings.
We put that choice to action by practicing MB principles. For my husband, the WS, that meant making his life transparent to me, to regain my trust. Those choices are why we are OK today 4 years later.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We put that choice to action by practicing MB principles. For my husband, the WS, that meant making his life transparent to me, to regain my trust. Those choices are why we are OK today 4 years later. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Awesome post Bramble... we need more of your kind 'round here !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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^bump^ 70 votes 77%(54) yes, 23%(16) no
-rh-
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Looks like we are all ahead of those national polls. I had to say we are in recovery also! 4 years this month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just have to thank God first!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Gotta love you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Love in Christ, Miss M <small>[ January 15, 2005, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>
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I followed MB and H followed me. Recovered. Happy and living life to the fullest again...and not taking him for granted anymore.
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Miss M & new jersey, Thanks for dropping by contibute to this thread. It gives a lot og hope and weight for newbie to follow MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> 76 votes - 78%(59) Yes, 22%(17) No. -rh-
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Another recovering M here. Coming up on a year of recovery & so far so good w/a few ups & downs. Gotta hate those triggers but when I think of it long-term, I know we'll be okay. Thank you MB!
Love in Christ,
Y
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MB principles are great in general, and excellent individually IF BOTH spouses follow them...
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Belonging to Nowhere:
<strong> MB principles are great in general, and excellent individually IF BOTH spouses follow them... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes ... but it is one of the most effective tool when only one spouse is willing.
The key is building enough LU$ to create a in-love feeling ... thus for normal person they would reprociate. The problem is when there is OP such that WS rejects/guards his/hers ENs.
-rh-
<small>[ January 16, 2005, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
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I just reread this thread....
And i have to say that I am really bothered by the implication that because a couple decided to stay together "for the kids" that its not a real recovery.
Love is a choice.
The reason WHY you choose to love your spouse (ie recover your marriage), kids or otherwise doesn't have anything to do with whether or not the recovery is a good one.
Especially when children didn't choose their parents, they didn't choose to live through the disaster of an affair, their best interest is absolutely an entirely valid reason for recovering the marriage.
yes, "the children" is one of those foggy things that the WS uses when they are having an affair. The WS uses "the children" as a reason to cake walk.
That fact doesn't make "the children" any less of a real and valid reason to recover the marriage. "The children" does not make the recovery false...because...I'll say it again:
Love is a choice.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BrambleRose:
<strong>Love is a choice. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Every one has a personal reason(s) for trying to save M and yes ... this have nothing do with how succesful you are in saving/recovering your M. It is just a reason.
The sucess of salvaging your M is largely depends on how good you are implementing plan A/B.
The success of recovering your M is largely depends on how good/willing both of you implementing 4 rules of recovery.
81 votes, 77%(62) Yes, 23%(19) No
-rh-
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^bump^
85 votes 74%(63) Yes, 26%(22) No
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