^bump^

86 votes 73%(63) Yes, 27%(23) No

marked myself down as a yes.

Still married, living separately but dating my wife, doing familiy vacaction together and generally enjoying ourselves. And planning to move together again in spring.

Can't say it was an easy ride though, but well worth it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Nick123,

Thanks for stopping by and yes, you should be counted as recovering <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I am personally would not be able to do plan B that long. Congrat !.

-rh-

88 votes 73%(64) Yes, 27%(24) No.

I am an ABSOLUTE YES. This is probably explained in all my recent posts. I unfortunately find myself getting frustrated by folks posting on the forum who don't follow the principles because I am such a believer in them.

I know that is unfair in me because I remember the days when I did't want to listen either.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

mimi1254,

Yup, everyone has hers/his own time table.

-rh-

95 votes 74%(70) Yes, 26%(25) No

Hi Redhat,

I just voted. This thread gave me a lot to think about. I am approaching the one year anniv. of D-day. I feel a little sad and I shared that with my FWH which I never could have done before MB.

I wanted very much to save our M and be with H, and MB showed me how to do that. If it had not been for MB, I would have given up by now and reverted back to behavior I knew was wrong, but didn't know what to do instead.

We are working on recovery now...it has been about two and half months....it will take alot of work on both of our parts, but we are both trying...to take one another into consideration instead of taking one another for granted.

MB has helped me to become attractive to H again and has taught me to become his favorite playtime companion. MB helped us to be on the right road to improve our odds for recovery. Hope this informal survey and the comments help others. Thanks, RH, for your post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SureSurvivor,

Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I put up this unscientific poll just to give some glimse that in surviving an affair, BS/WS is better of implementing MB than not.

-rh-

98 votes 73%(72) Yes, 27%(26) No

^bump^ this boad is too fast for me.

100 votes 74%(74) Yes, 26%(26) No

101 votes 74%(75) Yes, 26%(26) No

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 01:14 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

I voted no, but that is misleading.

If I had *properly* followed MB, and gone to plan B instead of plan Throw In The Towel, it probably would have worked. WxW and I someday still may get back together, but it is totally up to her now because I let my love bank go negative instead of going to plan B in time. I have set up an account for her here. I doubt she will use it, unfortunately, and I don't much care anymore.

She still doesn't understand why I would have a problem with her being in contact with OM. Go figure.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sad Tiger:
<strong> I voted no, but that is misleading.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Beleive it or not I want you to vote no. Most of the people unable to do plan A or go to plan B on time. Basically this is a simple poll if you are able to salvage M. I know there are a lot of variables, dependent and independent variables ... this is not a scientific poll <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I voted no ... I was coached under SH during plan A/B. MB is not a gurantee, I just want to point out that BS/WS is better off using MB to salvage their M.

-rh-

103 votes. 74%(76) Yes, 26%(27) No

106 votes. 75%(79) Yes, 25%(27) No ^bump^

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just want to point out that BS/WS is better off using MB to salvage their M.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even if the M fails, then the BS/WS who has used MB knows they have truly done everything they could to make it work. They aren't consumed by "what if I had..." type questions.

Also, regardless of whether the M succeeds or fails, the BS/WS grows as a person and learns a lot about how to be a better partner.

Oh, yes, I still have just as many "what if" questions. "What if" I had told him to go jump in a lake - what motivation did he have to come back when he knew I would be there. "What if" I had enthusiastically pursued divorce, would I have ended up with enough child support to keep us out of poverty? What if I had agreed to divorce on the condition that he let me move out of state, so I wouldn't have to pay two grand a month for a tiny house?

MB has absolutely NOT made me a better person in any way. Through reading here, I have become much more aware of the extent of betrayal, and of how ridiculous it is to trust anyone. It may have made me a wiser person, but far more cynical.

Well, I can't vote yet, but it would seem I'm headed towards the no column.

I feel like a failure. Either I've not done MB correctly (failure) or I have and it doesn't seem I've been able to save the marriage (again failure)

So while I can't vote, at least you know how I feel, like a failure.

TB

Either I've not done MB correctly (failure) or I have and it doesn't seem I've been able to save the marriage (again failure)
Just because your marriage is not saved does NOT mean you are a Marriage Builders failure.

You can do a very, very successful Plan A/Plan B and still end up divorced. (That doesn't mean you have to be "happy" with the results though <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> )

Sorry,

I get to decide if I failed or not, and if we end up divorced, I categorize it as a failure. My DD has the second best home environment, and I wasn't able to become more attractive to WW than the OM.

Don't try to cheer me up, divorce = failure in my ruleset.

TB

PS, why are you telling me how to feel?

I get to decide if I failed or not, and if we end up divorced, I categorize it as a failure.
Yes it will be a failure of the marriage but not (necessarily) a failure of MB. And Dr. & Steve Harley both have said this.

I wasn't able to become more attractive to WW than the OM.
So? This has nothing to do with MB.

divorce = failure in my ruleset.
If you were to complete medical school, get a degree and never got a job as a doctor, this does mean you failed school.

PS, why are you telling me how to feel?
Uh, where did you read that I was telling you how you should feel?
I didn't even suggest that.
I'm just telling you what the facts are.

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

What did you do wrong in Plan A or Plan B (to have failed doing Plan A/B correctly)?

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>