Hello MB,

You might remember several days ago I posted that I was happy. In many respects I still am. I'm working hard on my relationships with my stepkids, my kids, my siblings, and my Mom and trying as hard as my wife will let me to work on our relationship.

My problem however is that I can't get any enthusiasm from my WW in working on this marriage. She's less than a week out from breaking it off from her EA. I think she's in withdrawals, but the route it has taken is hurtful. She is focused on all the things I've done in the past that have been hurtful. She doesn't have any faith in us or hope that we'll be together. She "doesn't love me like she used to" and doesn't trust that I can maintain any change. I'm still of the opinion that I will make the changes for me and hope she notices and appreciates it, but if she doesn't it doesn't matter. She's really down on this marriage though. She only remembers the bad things and I seriously believe she wants a divorce. It's at least three weeks until she can see anyone (IC) and my feeling is she may hear from this IC exactly what she wants to hear given her current attitude. I went today to a MC by myself and it was good.

Anyway, the question, dilemma, and apology to all of you. I have done something wrong. I felt so desperate to help her get her head on straight. My W and I had a long talk about our future today. I said I thought she could benefit from hearing from people with similar problems and experiences, so I suggested she post and list all of my ugly faults and how she currently feels about our marriage and see what people said. She said "No, I'm busy enough with my own message board (which is the musicians fan site) and don't want to". Frankly she's in a funk and it was a reasonably intense conversation in which I said if she wasn't willing to work on this marriage then I wanted her to leave. Bad move by me. So I took everything from the conversation and put it in her words trying to capture the essence of her feelings. Then I showed her what I had written and she said "Go ahead and post it". She's read your replies. I just wanted to give her a nudge, but I feel I probably overdid it. Your opinions are freely and generously given and I should never have done this under the setting. I just felt if she could get involved that she might hear similar experiences and also hear that marriages can be saved.

So, I sincerely apologize. Everyone on here has there own form of desperation. It wasn't fair to you all. Please forgive me.

Are you Struggling's spouse?

She just broke this off a week ago? Soulmate, maybe you need to back off a little bit? If Struggling is your spouse, please check out the reply I gave her.

I know it's hard, but give her a little time to see your changes. If that is her, I hope that she will keep posting and reading...She agreed to post here and that's a GREAT step in the right direction.

Maybe she will read the main site as a next step? But I suggest you give her TIME to digest it all.

Yes,

And I read your other reply as well Aislinn. I appreciate your comments. She read them as well. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have swung back and forth between distance and pushing. I need the happy medium. She did say I'm too pushy. I guess she was right and I have work yet to do.

Aislinn, I do appreciate your words to her and to me. Have you ever felt so stoked about something that you wanted the other person to feel the same? It's how I feel about this. I could be setting myself up, but at this point I'm excited about changing me. I was pushy tonight. Most of the other nights have been a little less intense.

*sigh*

I better revisit the love busters.

Once again I'm sorry

Yes, soulmates..when I first found MB it was everything I could do not to c&p every single thing to my husband. I definitely have way too many R talks with my husband..and I'm telling you now, it has been to my extreme detriment. When I stopped the R talks, he actually started leaning more towards reconciliation. At that time, I started them again. And guess where I am now? Yep, he's leaning more towards divorce now.

But she posted..and read my replies. She's telling you that you're pushing...listen to her, o'kay?

Time is on your side, soulmates. I know it doesn't seem like it...now that you've found a possible solution, you want it fixed NOW!!! But she is willing to give you an inch...so don't try to force her to give you a mile right now.