Faith has had a five month rollercoster ride.

He wants the divorce filed, but not finailzed.

She wants off the rollercoster and to move on.

When she doesn't stop the divorce, moves on with her life, and is happy again, he will be left high and dry.

Serves him right!

Also, Pep has a grteat idea, use the money to pay bills. They want Faith to file, they can send more money. They are the reason she cannot pay all her bills, financial abandonment.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: RAG ]</small>

He continues to insult you with his ridiculous requests - this divorce thing is a shambles. He is trivialising your marriage. It is not a game, it is real life; your life and your daughters. I really hope you can break your addiction to this man. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm glad you read back over some of your previous posts - a timely reminder of the crap he has said and done.

I wish upon you strength and peace of mind. TT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
As much fun and justified as it would be to take OW's money and use it as you please, this would soil your otherwise pristine actions so far. Don't step into their cess pool.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WAT disagrees with me, as I knew he would.

I do not recommend accepting OW's $$ for "fun" nor for "justification" ... but because you really need it.

H wants her to send YOU money so you can file for a divorce that Dork says he does not want.... who's defrauding OW? Dork, not you. Unless OW calls you and requests that you only spend her $$ for filing fee.... then it is a gift, to do with as you see fit.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong>WAT disagrees with me, as I knew he would.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you didn't!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
WAT
---------------
Leap and the net will appear.

YES I DID !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OW trusts Dork too much.

Consequence of communicating $$ transfer through Dork instead of talking to FIM directly ... lost in translation.

A ~window~ if you will .... for OW to peek into her future if she marries Dork ---> OW's $$ will fly out the window because Dork has prior debts and obligations that she will assume if she stays with him.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Are you suggesting that I didn't think of that as the reason for my "disagreement"?

Nay, nay Grasshopper. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> [QUOTE]



"I meant to, but the bills became a more pressing priority. Can she send $$ to me again? This time I promise I will use the $$ to file."

The reverse money babble sounds like a great plan to moi!!!

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh my, my, my.....this sounds perfectly reasonable to me and those of us not in fog land!
Reverse babble with the result of getting bills paid!

oops....double post!

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: picklesaresour ]</small>

Hi, FIM.

I have probably missed something, but I have a concern.

Have you independently verified the military decision to pull clearances and court-martial the other woman?

Here is why I ask.

What if your husband were to get the meeting/informal hearing moved to a different date, then "play you" to continue with the divorce, only to be used against you in defense of his relationship with the other woman, at a later time.

I know this sounds contrived, but it is not without precedent.

Maybe I can't just put my finger on it, but my flags are flying.

You want to be done. No problem. Be done. Just delay making it legal or filing paperwork for at least a couple of weeks.

All the best,
Gimble

Hey FIM,

Listen up.... in my case I told the WS if he was going to play house, then his new roomie needed to cough up her share of his homewrecking. AFter all she said she was soooo rich and was going to make him soooo successful..... I thought, ok..... since this was soooo full orap, I'd make her put her supposed $$$$ where her trap was.

So I asked WS what his family was worth.... after throwing a few #,###,###.00s around..... he said priceless. That was the right thing to say so then RB kicked in big time. Told him I would give him a break and only ask for 1 mil. LOL!!! He gasped, said she wasn't that rich..... Oh I said....howz about $500K, surely she can afford that..... $$$ ##s flew down to 250k, 150k, 100k, 87k (why this #? )..... I had my reasons (she refied - LOL!!!)......50k....25k, all too high.... geeze what kind of rich OW was thia anyway?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Ok, will settle for 10k but now we are no longer priceless, he is CHEAP! Or somebody is CHEAP!!! Boy, I made my point..... OW was ready to whip out that checkbook at somewheres near 8k, I think.... it never went that far.... she had some $$ but I also showed she wasn't as rich as she alluded to and well....one thing not even the fog can do is change the color or amount of $$. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Came down to the fact that the WS didn't want t/b endebited to the OW. Geeze.... why not? He already lost his pants to her, why not sell out his family? That was my POV.

So while I was ready to take the $$ and run (to pay bills of course - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )...... WS couldn't do it. I scored a big hit in the fog an discipated the fog with a shotgun blast or more like a bomb. Once the air cleared, the OW no longer had that pedestal to stand on.... I knew where her $$ had come from.....she wasn't as great as she made out t/b. Neither was the A or WS for that matter.

As for the $$? If I was given cash (I said not check....told him I don't trust either of them, green stuff or no deal). LOL!!! I would have taken it with no regrets.

Just my own story.

L.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 03:06 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

I would let him do the dirty work. He wants to file, let him file. I know you want out, but don't be their servent. Let him do the work. If you have made the decision to move on, then move on, but let him do the work.

I wouldn't touch that money with a 10 foot pole-tainted money to buy you off. Let him find his own ride home to file. He hasn't given you a cent. If you do file, file for full custody. Oh my-he is going to be so sorry. I agree that this could be a ruse (sp?) to trick you so that he can "save the OW". He's crazy right now and will do anything. It is not the man you married, it is an alien-do not trust him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by new jersey:
<strong> If you do file, file for full custody. Oh my-he is going to be so sorry. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The kids might be sorry too. FIM's not going to use them as pawns is she?

-AD

I don't think that would be using the kids as pawns - it would be doing what is best for them.

If she cares as much for her kids as we think she does - and as much as the rest of us care for ours - she'd be wise to keep them as far away from the adulterous relationship as possible. Acquiring full custody is the best way to do this. Then she can control when and where WH gets access. Will this protect the kids completely? Unfortunately, no. But if he cleans up his act, she can respond by allowing the interaction needed by a real father - and alternatively rejecting as much as possible the interaction from a lying make-believe father.

Isn't this pretty clear?

WAT

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 06:17 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

He has left her with no money,He has not visited the kids on a regular basis-He has lied to them.

When he grows up maybe that can change, but I wouldn't want my kids to watch their father make a fool of himself and show them how to commit adultery and bring them to his place to hang out with the OW.

No, not pawns, just protection. I would much rather he woke up and came home. I didn't say no visits, I believe that FIM has her priorities straight and would never keep the kids from their dad. I just believe that she should be in control of the situation because he is not behaving like an adult. That would be very damaging to the kids, IMHO. No, not pawns, just someone who is able to watch over them. When he works thru his issues, then they can talk about it.

Let me clarify-he is going to be so sorry that he let FIM go, she is a gem and he will never find her equal.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: new jersey ]</small>

fim,

Please step back from all of this.

Don't react emotionally. Think what is best for your family, your marriage.

Taking money from ow is falling right in with what WS and ow want. Please think twice before you do this.

I would never take one penny from ow, REGARDLESS, of whatever the situation is. Don't go there fim.

Anyway, just my VHO.

Are you taking care of your girls and protecting them from all this?

Don't feed into your WS fogbabble. Let him borrow the money from ow and file for D if he wants. Do not play into their hands. DO NOT PLAY THAT GAME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Please don't fall for this D thing. Let WS do it if he has to.

Protect yourself. And if I were me, I would send all of those emails on gov't time to ow superiors, and let the chips fall where they may.

Please don't help your WS out on this one. I would suggest a plan B at this time.

PS. YOU ARE WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I had written an update earlier...had answers to all the questions and advise...and the darn site goes down as I'm wrapping it up! I hate it when that happens!

I really, truly, sincerly appreciate all of the advice and encouragement that continues to come my way.

At this point..as it's getting late and I do want to get through this update in less than a gazillion words, I'm going to run through what I remember off the top of my head and get the rest tomorrow.

Ok. The two emails I sent have been effective. It would seem that sexually explicit emails on government time over government emails is considered a misuse of government resources.

Who would have guessed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That coupled with the lies about where WH was, when the A started, knowing he was married and the irrefutable proof of the conversation she and I have had, well, it's just not looking good over on that end.

WH and OW pretty much buried themselves in this. It seems that the command WAS willing to try and deal with this without the disciple stuff like I had originally talked about. THat was largely based on the fact that they believed my reason for not wanting to escalate the situation for OW.

HOWEVER, based on WH's insistence that I am a crazed ex-wife who is willing to fake court documents and/or FORCE him into signing a dismissal AND that I will go to any lengths to mess with him, they seem to think it's too much of a risk to give me the benefit of the doubt.

Therefore, since I can't be trusted, they HAVE to fully investigate or they can get in trouble if I go to the IG and say nothing was done. They can't believe ME anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Man, I couldn't have scripted that one better.

Their lies buried them.

Now, I think the command wanted to anyway. But this gave them a perfect excuse.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for the divorce, I'm sleeping on a final decision. There has been a lot of advise here and I am taking it all into account.

I am getting a divorce from him. That's not in question. I am pursing full custody. In Washington only parent is the custodial parent anyway. Normally parents split time and decision making equally though. I am filing for 100% responsibility for the time being.

That may change someday. But right now he has shown that his intersts and those of OW come before both me and his children. You don't lie to your kids to make things easier on yourself. He promises the world to them every time he sees them and then proceeds to let them down. He knows before he tells them that his actions will be contrary to what he says.

He isn't supporting them. He isn't choosing to spend his time with them. He is out for himself and my children deserve more than that.

My eight year old is seeing a doctor for anxiety starting next week and the 10 year old is showing serious signs of depression.

My one year old hears the phone ring and yells da da. He picks up the phone and says da da. We saw a phone in the store the other day and he says da da. He thinks a phone is da da.

His da da has been out of the military since August, since he was 8 months old! He's seen so little of his da da that he thinks the damn phone is called a da da.

That is WH's choice. Being the protector and the rock for my children is my choice. Okay...end of that rant.

Anyway. I don't know what I'm going to do about the money from OW.

The divorce...filing for it now...I know that WH is trying to pull a fast one. I know he did have the meeting with the command. I intercepted the message confirming the appointment to "clear up the stories from you, OW and your wife". As for what was said....that's all up for speculation in the end. I am pretty sure that they didn't suggest him filing for divorce right now to save his butt for an affair that has been going on since last March though.

I may not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I'm not that dim either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So, I'm pretty set on filing tomorrow or Friday. This may sound really really bad, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. I feel like I am able to breathe again...fresh air, rather than the stagnant putrid air that has been hanging around.

It is a fresh start and one that is clean for me. I did what I could. I fought the fight.

In the end, I won too. I've got my integrity, my kids and a clear path to start out on.

I'm considering the money. That may simply be more of a gut reaction. I'm going to think about how I'll feel a year ago knowing she paid for my divorce or for a bill. By the way...I love the paying bills idea. How appropriate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think I'll be okay but I'm going to think some more. That's money I could spend on fixing my car (which was totaled last week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) or paying bills or even just going out for the night with some girlfriends.

Orchid - thank you for sharing that story! Your creativity never ceases to amaze me.


okay. I am tired and going to bed. I'm going to be sure and get back to this tomorrow and be sure I answered any questions. Thank you again to everyone who takes the time to read my LONG posts and help me through this mess. I couldn't be more blessed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FIM,

Good to see you on your feet and ready to move forward. I like that strength in you. We will be here when you need another dose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the stories, well unfortunately some of them are true. Reality is often more scary than anything I can make up..... just gotta tell it like it was. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Looking back it is amazing most of us survived. The odds were always against us but evidently the support was and is of a higher source. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

All the best.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> Therefore, since I can't be trusted, they HAVE to fully investigate or they can get in trouble if I go to the IG and say nothing was done. They can't believe ME anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Man, I couldn't have scripted that one better.

Their lies buried them.

Now, I think the command wanted to anyway. But this gave them a perfect excuse.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BEAUTIFUL!!!! Absolutely perfect. Twisted around in an oh-so WS way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>He thinks a phone is da da.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...and very sad.

You know, FIM, I lost a chid. I will never for the life of me ever understand how any parent can turn their backs on their children. Maybe that is also the answer - "any parent" can't. Only fake parents.

WAT

FIM ... I have come to my senses and have reversed (sort-of) my position on OW's dirty money ... if you receive money in the form of a money order, donate it to a charity ... or put it in a bucket and piss on it.

Sorry .... this one feels personal to me for unknown reasons (I think I feel maternal toward you FIM, perhaps that's why) and I've lost my objectivity.

Pep