My husband ended his 6 month affair with an old high school friend and has had no contact for three weeks. I've been with him for three weeks so am pretty sure of this. He isn't as hopelessly depressed, but thinks of her alot, has desires to call her, is still in love with her, and his feelings for me are still love but not in love. How long does this usually last? I'm trying to make deposits but don't seem to get anywhere. He made the decision because it was the "right" thing to do. I've been patient and totally forgiving but am at the point that I am needing to feel loved and wanted. Any advice?<P>------------------<BR>

Hi, I am 12 wks since my h told me about his affair of 1 year. This just takes time. Things are much better than they were at 3 wks. He is starting to give more instead of just taking. Trust me, what you are feeling is very normal. There have been times when I have been so tired and wanted nothing more than to just run away! Just sit and have a good cry then pick yourself up and continue on. You can do this My h still loves the ow too. That is awful, but in time I really believe that will no longer be his focus. Try not to love bust, I know there are times you would much rather bust him with a 2 X 4 As they say, time heals most wounds. Good luck!

jen,<P>I'd like to give you good news, but the fact is you'll have to stick it out. This is the hardest thing you'll probably have to deal with... maybe even harder than discovery. His depression might not be that heavy, but he's still addicted to the OW, that is for sure. The point is that you should continue to deposit the love units, continue to meet emotional needs, continue not to love-bust, and not to expect much in return... This sounds like a completely idiotic and unreasonable plan, but it's what Dr. Harley recommends.<P>I know from experience (because I'm a betrayer) that your husband will not be all that much affectionate or intimate while he's trying to get over this addiction... It doesn't matter that you shower him with affection and love. And I'm afraid that depression will probably set in as it becomes more clear to him that he will never be able to see the OW again. I know it sucks to hear this, but you must be strong though this as he weathers this out... And it may take a long time. It's been right around three months for me, and I still get depressed alot. I've been more depressed than usual these last few days and it's taking a toll on my wife... I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it.<P>--andy

So true, so true. Patience is a virtue they say and you have to have LOTS of patience to get through this part of the recovery process. Meanwhile, remember to breath and to not obsess and think about things ALL the time (That was my greatest downfall!) It sounds as though your on the right track, I will pray for you!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

hello jennifer jones<BR>it takes time to go thru the withdrawl process. he may still be contacting here,i.e. a trip to the market, or coffee..( i know thats what i did and then lied about it)if he did it because its the right thing to do not what he, hear me, HE wanted to do, then he's not really over it and probaby not sincere. pray, give it some time, hold your ground and pray some more