Bonnie - how long has it been since you last had contact with the OP? I know what you mean about not having any contact with the OP, its better. I started to plot to call her and it started all over again and took me several days to get back to where I was before the plotting.<P>Willy - thanks for the note, it helped me a lot. You have gone through a lot and it looks like things are getting better for you. <P>I found out that drinking helps. I don't drink much and I know this is not a cure, and I won't drink much more -- but it sure felt good for a couple of hours. I look forward to the time when I can feel like that all the time.<P>Is it a certain personality that picks up that kind of obsession?

Hi Mindfulness,<P>It has been over a year since I last talked to OM. Our relationship lasted about a year. NO CONTACT is the only way, I learned this from experience....the hard way.<P>Drinking is "self-anesthetization", it makes you feel better for a little while but sure isn't good in the long run. I did that too, I would have a few glasses of wine(or more) every day in the late afternoon, a bad habit that helped me gain about 20 pounds. Thankfully I am not doing that any more, do not feel the need but at the time it was one of the few things that made me feel better.

Every day of the week I get to see the OW at work. Luckily she is cool about it and really just ignores me and doesn’t want to talk to me. <BR>Which frankly hurts like a lot but makes it really easy for me to ignore her instead of chasing after her.<BR>I’ve called her 3 times in the past six weeks, none of those times did I talk to her, just left messages. I’ve also sent a few email messages, <BR>Really only to explain where I was at with things.<P>I can feel myself growing more and more distant emotionally from her and closer to my wife. I’m just looking forward to the point <BR>where I don’t even think of her.<P>It is hard, but I did make two choices, one was wrong and one was right. I truly believe things with me and my W will work out. And <BR>The only reason I believe that is from what I’ve seen on this site and my faith in God.<P>Drinking, man did I drink and then I drank some more. In fact me and the OW used to drink a lot together. So now, I’ll have an occasional<BR>Beer but nothing like I did during the affair. I do find a lot of times drinking takes my mind to think more about the OW than I should be so <BR>I don’t over indulge like I was.<BR>